Adrift No More

At some point in your life, when the power of love is stronger then anything else, you should simply listen to your heart and ignore what your mind tries to tell you… (How ‘Adrift Pt. 2’ should have continued if you saw it through the eye of a shipper)

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5    Part 6

Rating: GS – IM15 & AO

Classification: Harm/Mac, Romance

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount.

Spoilers: Adrift Pt. 2

Beta read: Big thanks to cbw and Kathy for giving this story the final touch. Any mistakes left are mine. By the way… Kathy more and more works on becoming my partner in crime so to speak, and even better... to become a writer of her own! This girl truly has a gift. That I promise you!

A/N – okay, my so-called ‘insane’ idea to revisit every JAG episode there was is not dead yet, even so Carol and I gave up and quit after finishing the complete tenth season and the first six episodes of season 2. However, a part of me just couldn’t give up completely and when I had this idea about a continuation of Adrift Pt. 2, I thought I should give it at least a try. I think it no longer will run under the name ‘Through The Eye Of A Shipper’ but the concept will be the same… what happened after a certain episode. Let’s see if I can come up with more ideas in the near future. Until then, I hope you enjoy this one…

* 

Mac was cold, freezing cold.

She was drenched from head to toe. Drops of water were running down her hair, over her sullen face, and down her slender body, settling into a little puddle around her bare feet on the carpet. But still she couldn’t move.

She couldn’t remember when she got here, or even how she made it there on her own. Her body was shaking uncontrollably from the cold. Her teeth chattered while her wet clothes formed a second skin, clinging so tightly to her body that she could barely breathe. But still she couldn’t move.

Her hands were nearly numb from being so cold. Her right one clutching her soaked cover to her body while the water continued to drip freely, making the pool on the carpet even more visible. But still she couldn’t move.

The once silent room was now filled with the sound of the rain pounding against the window from the powerful thunderstorm raging outside. But all Mac could do was to lean her forehead against the cold pane and occasionally let her index finger follow the path of a raindrop that slowly made its way down the glass.

The room reflected her mood – pitch dark and icy cold. The windowpane mirrored her broken, tear stained face as the intermittent bolts of lightning illuminated the room enough for her to catch a glimpse of her reflection. Her marine façade was shattered by the weight of her heavy heart. In her head, she knew she needed to change out of her wet clothes, start a fire in the fireplace and make a cup of hot tea to try and warm up… and still she couldn’t move. 

‘Cold…I’m so cold. I don’t think I’ve ever been this cold,’ she uttered, swallowing hard while the tears continued to flow. ‘And Harm… that night… in the ocean… almost… he could have… Oh God I can’t say it, I can’t even think it. How… how was he able to survive in that frigid storm tossed sea and why? What was driving him to hold on and not let go? Our so-called ‘connection’ enabled me to find him out there for a reason and I need, no I have to know what that reason is,’ she thought.

She was exhausted, but refused to close her heavy eyelids and let sleep claim her. Every time she tried, her heart would break a little more as the vision of Harm holding Renee in his arms, comforting her would re-play over and over. It felt as if someone was clenching her heart in a vice-like grip and squeezing the life out of it.

‘Come to me.’

She wanted to be there. Oh yeah, how she wanted to be there… with him… enveloped in his warm soothing arms safe and secure. To feel the steady rhythm of his heart beneath her fingertips while the sound of its steady beating echoed in her ear as she rested it against his chest. She craved to feel his strength surrounding her, cocooning her, making her forget everything around them.

‘Come to me.’

She could still hear the words clearly – as if he was standing there with her, whispering those three little words seductively into her ear while his hot sweet breath caressed her softly. She shivered at the exhilarating thought.

‘You know the reason.’

Yes, she did, didn’t she?

Did she really know the reason?

Had they both turned to the same page of the same script at the same time?

For the most part, she was sure that they were finally dancing to the beat of the same drum. However, there was still that little shred of insecurity gnawing at her, causing her to doubt what she wanted to be the meaning behind his simple words.

But damn it! She didn’t want to doubt his feelings any longer, and damn him for being so cryptic. Why did SHE have to try to make sense of what he was or was not saying?

‘I’m waiting.’

‘Waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for me to make a complete fool of myself again by throwing myself at him like I did in Sydney? Waiting for me to admit that I needed him and couldn’t live without him? Or maybe he was waiting for me so that he could finally tell me how he felt. God, how I wish I had the answers.’ Her head was spinning from all the thoughts running through it, and it made her dizzy.

No. She couldn’t do it anymore. He was the one person she knew she could always turn to. Right now she needed him, perhaps more than she ever did before. He was her lifeline, her rock. It felt good to be able to admit it, even if it was only to herself. She so desperately needed his strength and support to keep her grounded because her life was spiraling out of control.

Mac felt lost and it seemed as if someone had pulled the carpet out from under her feet.

Granted, the first tug came from Mic. He had made her see what her heart apparently knew all along. As for the rest of the fall, she had herself to blame for the misery she was feeling right now.

And that’s what frightened her the most. She had so easily let herself believe in the illusion. She had been in love with the idea of being in love and that scared her. She had completely fooled herself and everyone around her, well almost everyone.

She had been living a lie, a lie that at the time felt real. She now knew that she had totally lost control of her life and this crash was her epiphany. It jolted her back to reality. The fear that she’d lost everything, even her very self was unbearable.

What had she done?

Granted, she had loved Mic, and a part of her still did. Even when Harm asked her just hours ago if she loved Mic, it was easy to say ‘yes’.

Yes, she thought she was ‘in love’ with Mic, and yes she truly thought she could make it work with him, have a good life, and raise children with him. But she had been fooling herself. Harm’s crash was a rude awakening and it brought all her true feelings bubbling to the surface. She was compelled to take a good look at herself, and at all her hidden dreams and desires. She was forced to face the fact that her head could never rule what was in her heart.

The truth was that her heart always belonged to and beat for just one man – Harmon Rabb Jr. Now she hoped it wasn’t too late and that she really did know what his ‘You know the reason’ meant, because she so badly wanted the same. She had all she could do not to run to the phone and call him.

“Yes, I do,” she whispered what her heart had screamed out hours ago into the silent room. “Yes, I know the reason.” The way he spoke them, deep down she knew that those words could only mean one thing.

She let her eyes wander over to the phone on the coffee table, nibbling on her lower lip in insecurity. Again, all she wanted to do right now was to reach out and call him. She needed to hear his voice, but most of all she needed to feel the connection between them.

But she couldn’t. No, it wouldn’t be fair. Not to Harm and certainly not to Renee. Her father just died and she needed Harm now, maybe even more than Mac herself did. At least that’s what she tried to make herself believe. As hard as it was, at this point she had to be rational.

“Your life’s such a mess, MacKenzie,” Mac murmured to herself while rubbing her throbbing temples. “A plain and simple mess.”

She was startled by a loud crack of thunder, causing her to look out the window where she was greeted by total darkness. The power was out.          

‘Now when did that happen?’ she wondered. Had the power been out the whole time? She had no idea. Mac shook her head and chuckled. She was far from being herself, and she definitely wasn’t the kick-ass marine that she normally was. Ironically, at the moment she didn’t even know what time it was, a sure sign that her world was upside down and out of whack.

A bolt of lightning lit up Mac’s apartment and the area around her building. It lasted just a mere second but it was long enough for Mac’s eyes to catch a glimpse of something down in the parking lot just a few feet from the building.

Her heart started to pound erratically.

Another flash of lightning confirmed her suspicion that there was someone out there and she was being watched. She could sense his gaze piercing right through her body and directly into her soul.

She took a deep breath as the loud thunder penetrated the night. Her cover slipped out of her hand when she raised it to clasp over her mouth. A shiver ran down her spine and it had absolutely nothing to do with the cold that surrounded her or the fact that she was still standing in her rain soaked uniform.

*

A bright flash of lightning lit up Mac’s apartment building as well as the area around him. Even though it lasted but a mere second, it was long enough for him to see her standing there in front of the window. He continued to watch as her body tensed when she spotted him down there.

Did she know it was him?

At first, he was unsure that she had recognized him with only the occasional bursts of lightning serving as illumination. But the minute her body language changed, he was sure that she knew it was him. He was just a little surprised that it had taken her so long to realize that he was down there, especially with her ‘sixth sense’. He actually checked his watch to confirm the fact that a good twenty minutes had passed since he had gotten there.

That time lapse alone was enough to let him know that, at the moment, she definitely was not acting like the marine, nor the woman he adored and loved so much. Add to that, the fact that her marine skills are so well honed, that even on her worst day no one would have been able to watch her, or God forbid sneak up on her without her knowing it immediately. He remembered the one time he tried to surprise her and got the shock of his life when he ended up prone on his back looking up at the ceiling, trying to catch his breath. She’d knocked him off his feet like a rag doll.

He knew that she was anything but okay.

He had stood there undetected, watching her in the window as she absent-mindedly played with the raindrops running down the glass. The broken, shaken image he saw attested to the fact that she was completely distraught. Thanks to the vivid lightning, he could see that she was crying by the way her shoulders slumped and shook. All he wanted to do was cradle her in his arms, comfort her, and take her pain away as he dried her tears. But still he didn’t move. 

‘For whom is she crying? Are those tears for me… or are they for… are they maybe for him?’

Those unwelcome questions had been running through his mind since the moment he’d reached her apartment building and saw her shattered figure. Fear of the answer is what stopped him for making the final steps up to her apartment, the final steps to her.

With shaking hands, he attempted to raise the collar of his shirt for some sort of protection. But it was an effort in futility. He was already soaked, drenched from head to toe and the constant wind reminded him of how cold he was. His wet clothes clung tightly to his body, allowing him limited movement. He had been in such a daze that he had left his coat behind.

He reached into his pocket to retrieve his handkerchief, but it wasn’t there. That’s when he suddenly realized that he had left his carry-on bag on the plane. His handkerchief neatly tucked into the side pocket.

‘What had driven him to come here and why?’ This is what he wondered as he shook uncontrollably from the cold. This had not been his planned destination, but something had possessed him to come here and deep down inside, he was finally able to admit if only to himself that the one thing driving him was his love for one Sarah Mackenzie. Of that he was certain.

He put his frozen hands to his mouth and blew on them hoping that his breath would help to warm them. Even though it was already mid May, their weather pattern had been extremely erratic and tonight the temperatures were so low, he could actually see the steam from every breath he took. He couldn’t stay out here much longer that was a given. But he didn’t have a plan. What was he going to do? Was the extreme cold affecting his thought process?

His mind wandered to what had happened earlier. He had been at the airport. He had boarded the plane. He was buckled into his seat prepared for takeoff. There was noise and voices… there was chatter going on all around him. Someone in particular was talking fast and loud, but he couldn’t focus on what was being said or who was saying it. He was ill at ease and had a compelling need to get off the plane.

How had he gotten off? What was the reason he gave them for his need to get off the plane? At the moment, he really couldn’t remember any of the events that led to his departure from the plane. All he remembered was his desire to get back to her and bolting from the airport to hail a cab.

Now, he was standing in the pouring, cold rain, with no coat and no car to warm up in while he decided what his next plan of action was going to be. He chuckled when he remembered the look on the cabbies face.

‘He must have thought he had hit pay dirt when I threw much more than the fare over the seat and never waited for the change before getting out.’ The cabbie had turned and smiled at him before eagerly driving away with more than a generous tip.

He should be on a plane right now safe and secure from this wretched weather, sucking down his second drink while flying the friendly skies. At least that is what his head was telling him. 

However, right from the beginning his heart wasn’t into leaving.

He just couldn’t make himself do it. He couldn’t leave her. No, he had to be here.

He had to be with her because he needed her just as much as he needed air to breathe if not more.

He looked up to the sky, breathing deeply as the hard, cold raindrops pelted his face. He felt no pain. His only thoughts were of her.

Would she want him here? Would he be welcome here? He couldn’t be sure because he still harbored doubts as far as what she might be feeling and for whom.

‘Of course she wants you here. She needs you just as much as you need her,’ is what his heart was screaming at him. He so much wanted to put his doubts aside and believe it, but things had not just ended very well for them.

The sound of a horn nearby brought him out of his reverie, but not out of his turmoil. It appeared that the blackout and the lack of signals were wreaking havoc on traffic. At this hour and in this nasty weather, nobody in their right mind should be outside. Obviously, present company was excluded because here he stood.

When his eyes wandered back to her window, she was no longer standing there. He immediately panicked and tried to move. His sodden clothes along with the numbing cold prevented him from moving freely, so his movements were limited.

‘Damn it, where did she go?’ He asked himself while his eyes nervously wandered around to the other darkened windows of her apartment, hoping to get a glimpse of her. This attempt of course proved futile as he realized that without power, he was not about to see much. 

‘Why hadn’t she bothered to light candles?’ He wondered. Even though everything was thrown into darkness, his eyes continued in search of her. “Damn it. Where are you, Sarah?” He screamed aloud into the eerie night, but his voice was immediately muffled by another loud clap of thunder.

She was gone. He couldn’t see her anymore. ‘Maybe she didn’t see me after all,’ he sadly admitted to himself. ‘Or maybe she did see me and doesn’t want me here. In which case, it would be time for me to lick my wounds and to go home.’

He closed his eyes in defeat, arguing with himself over what he should do now.

“What are you doing here?” Her amazingly soft voice asked over the din of the raging thunderstorm.

Surprised, he snapped his head quickly in the direction of where her voice came from. He knew she was surprised that he was there. Her voice had clearly given that away. But what was she feeling? Was she still upset? Was she angry? Was she going to kick his six in full marine mode? Or was she…

His didn’t have time to finish his thought as she asked again, “What are you doing here?”

This time her voice sounded much clearer as if she were closer, and this time she was. She was standing right next to him. So close he could feel her warm breath on his rain soaked neck. He hadn’t even noticed when she moved closer to him. ‘Guess I’ll have to work on my sixth-sense,’ he mused.

He just needed one look into her tear-swollen eyes to know what she thought about him being here.

“Sarah,” he managed to choke out as she stood there in front of him with her arms tightly wrapped around herself. Was she attempting to shield herself from the weather or was she guarding herself from him? Her eyes were intense and her gaze never left his. But what were those big brown eyes of hers saying? Were they pleading for him to love her, or were they telling him to leave her alone? At the moment, he didn’t care, and reached out to engulf her into his embrace.

*

Mac’s emotions were in overdrive. She took a deep breath to calm herself and closed her eyes to fully absorb his unique masculine scent while she enjoyed the feeling of finally being in his strong arms. She still couldn’t believe that he was actually here… right here… with her.

What happened? What was he doing here, and why? Shouldn’t he be on a plane as he planned? She was flabbergasted. So many questions were running through her mind that she was totally incoherent to even speak. She knew there would be time for answers later. For now, she just wanted to bask in the wonderful feeling of him and the way he was completely surrounding her.

She was so overwhelmed and confused, that it took her a while to become aware of the fact that he was trembling and resting wearily in her arms. She held on securely as if she was the one, keeping him upright instead of the other way around. It took a few seconds longer for her to realize why he was shaking so uncontrollably.

“Oh my God! Harm, you’re freezing cold,” she stated in shock and immediately broke their embrace to look him straight in those beautiful, blue-green eyes. Mac shook her head critically as she tried to get a better look at him. There he was leaning heavily on his cane, and she knew instantly that he felt like hell, and why shouldn’t he, considering all that had happened in the past few days. Even still, he managed to look into her big brown eyes and give her that unique flyboy smile… the one who she loved so much and always managed to make her knees buckle. She shuddered, attempting to shake off her thoughts of how just a few hours ago she would have given anything to see that smile. Instead, she had been standing in this same torrential rain looking up at his apartment window and Renee was the one in his arms.

“I’m okay,” he uttered, so softly that she barely heard him above the sound of the drumming rain. Mac frowned at his assessment and was about to speak, but he tightened his grip on her and she refrained. Right now, he couldn’t say if it was more of an attempt to reassure her, or if he was desperately trying to keep himself from swaying. “Really Mac,” he stammered. “I’m okay.”

 

It was then with the help of a flash of lightning, that Mac was able to get a really good look at Harm and his weakened condition. She was quickly becoming distraught and had the nagging feeling that he really wasn’t okay. “Come on, Sailor. I think you have taken on enough water to last a long time. We have to get you inside and warmed up before you catch pneumonia out here and I have to bring you back to the hospital!” The visions she had experienced of him struggling to survive in the frigid Atlantic Ocean came floating back to her like a bad dream… only it hadn’t been a dream.

“Oh yeah… does this mean that we are going to have to share body heat to get warm?” He bantered back, waggling his eyebrows somewhat suggestively.

“Nice try buster,” Mac countered back with a sigh as she remembered a cave in the Appalachian Mountains a long time ago when she was with this very same man who promised her that everything was going to be okay.   

Her thoughts fled quickly as a crack of thunder brought her back to the present where they were still standing in the pouring rain and relentless wind. She chastised herself for letting her enjoyment of being in his arms numb her to just how bad the storm was. Granted she had already been wet from head to toe before even coming outside, but he had no business being out in this weather in his fragile condition. ‘Smart move, MacKenzie,’ she scolded herself angrily.

She was ashamed for not acting more quickly and getting him inside right away. As she made her way with him in tow to her apartment building, Harm sensed her uneasiness and put his hand on her arm, making her stop instantly in her tracks. She looked questioningly at him and Harm once more gave her a warm reassuring smile.

“I’m really okay, Mac,” he said, gently repeating his words from earlier. “There’s no need for you to worry okay? Granted I may look like a drowned rat, but I’m not feeling like one.” Harm’s choice of works struck a chord with Mac and he knew it immediately. Chuckling, he shook his head trying to make light of the whole situation.

“Ah… Mac, I’m sorry. I’m always putting my foot in my mouth when it comes to you, aren’t I? I should have come up with a better choice of words.”

She couldn’t help but grin over Harm’s attempt at a recovery as he enveloped her in another embrace. It felt so good for both of them to be here. ‘Home, I’m finally home,’ was all he could think about because deep down in his heart, he knew that ‘home’ could only be wherever Mac was. What he didn’t know was that Mac was thinking the exact same thing about him. They both squeezed a little tighter as they held on and smiled.

Mac laughed quietly as she sniffed. “Gosh. You know,” she started to say as she took a deep breath in the process of trying to get her feelings under control again. “As much as I love being here with you, in your arms, could we please move this upstairs? It’s a bit too wet out here for my liking. And… ummm… I hate to admit this, but… ummm…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Well… I… I sort of forgot to put some shoes on before I ran out when I saw you standing down here,” she quickly jabbered, looking down at her bare feet. Harm could have sworn that she was blushing but with the darkness surrounding them, he couldn’t say for sure.

Harm found her comment hilarious and managed a huge belly laugh before letting go of her. “Good argument, counselor. Let’s go,” he stated and together they made their way up to her apartment.

*

“Come on in,” Mac said, opening her apartment door for them. Harm, limping slightly followed her into the apartment. Mac could see how much he needed to get off his feet. The pain he was feeling was clearly visible in his eyes even though he would be the last to admit it openly.

“Brrr, it’s a bit chilly in here. I better start a fire,” Mac said. Rubbing her hands together, she quickly walked over to her fireplace to finally get some warmth into her apartment.

Harm was shocked to say the least. The words ‘a bit chilly’ didn’t quite describe the temperature in her apartment. Without making a mountain out of a molehill, it was darn right freezing cold. Hell, he could swear he saw the steam coming out of his mouth with every word he spoke.

Why hadn’t she already started a fire, or at least have turned up the heat while the power was still on? She had been home for God knows how long before he got here. ‘What is going on here?’ He wondered, and made a note to himself to ask Mac about it later.

Harm knew that there was definitely something going on with her. This was not like his marine. His mind immediately wandered back to the time Mac had declared herself his bodyguard and insisted on staying at his loft to watch over him and protect him from Clark Palmer. He had woken up to find her wrapped in a blanket complaining about how cold it was in his apartment and could he please turn up the heat.

“Okay, that should do the trick,” Mac said, bringing him out of his thoughts. She got up from her knees and walked over to her bedroom. “Now we better see about getting you into some dry clothes, before those wet ones freeze to your skin.”

The words had no sooner left her mouth and Harm sneezed.

“Bless you.”

“Thanks and I like the way you think, Marine,” he said as he started to follow Mac into her bedroom. “But please don’t tell me you expect me to…,” he continued but was immediately interrupted by Mac’s answer.

“Don’t worry, Harm. They are yours,” she quickly explained, knowing that Harm thought she was about to give him some of Mic’s clothes to put on. Mac lit the candles that were on her nightstand to give the darkened room at least some light.

“Do I even want to know how some of my clothes made their way into your closet?” Harm asked grinning. He actually liked the thought of their personal things sharing closet space.

“No,” she quipped. “You certainly do not want to.” Not wanting to explain to him why some of his clothing was actually in her possession.

She opened her closet to get his stuff and quickly changed the subject. “Why don’t you sit down on the bed Harm? I really do think you need to get off your feet for a while.”

“Nah, don’t worry. I can handle it,” Harm protested.

“Harm...”

“Mac, I’m all wet!”

Mac chuckled dryly, placing his clothes on the bed for him. “Don’t worry about the bed, Harm. I can change the sheets and blankets. It’s not a big deal,” she told him matter-of-factly. To herself she added, ‘and while I’m at it, a new bed is in order as well.’ She didn’t want to have any reminders of her time spent with Mic Brumby, especially those times spent in the bedroom.

“Well then, if you’re sure,” Harm said with a shrug and a groan as he slowly and painstakingly lowered himself to sit down on the bed, sighing once he was seated.

“How much does it hurt anyway, and I want the truth Harm?” Mac asked softly as she pulled some towels out of the closet and handed one to him while she took another one for herself.

“Seriously Harm, don’t you even dare try to give me any of that typical macho behavior crap that men seem to exude in these situations. I would see right through it anyway,” she warned pointing her finger at him.

Harm mockingly stuck out his tongue and shrugged apprehensively as he started to towel dry his soaked hair. “Okay, okay. I’ll admit it. It hurts a bit. BUT it could be worse I guess. It has just been a long day.”

Mac couldn’t help but smile at his boyishness. “I guess.” Then she chewed on her lower lip while toweling her own soaked hair, suddenly feeling a bit nervous and somewhat shy. “Well… ummm… I better get out of your way so you can change your clothes. I’ll make some hot tea. Thank goodness I keep a camping stove around here somewhere. It certainly comes in handy during times like these. Unbelievable, isn’t it? Mother nature goes on a rampage, and civilization as we normally know it, is put on hold. I’m sorry I can’t offer you a nice hot shower, but without the power… there is no hot water. Besides, you shouldn’t shower during a raging thunderstorm, and I only have flowery shampoo and a girly vanilla shower gel which I doubt you…” Mac knew she was babbling, but she was powerless to stop herself.  

“Mac… it’s okay,” Harm spoke soothingly, taking her hand into his and squeezing gently. “Everything is alright. Please don’t worry so much about me because I am more worried about you at the moment, Marine. You’re soaking wet too and freezing cold, and somehow I think the chill goes deeper than the few minutes you just spent outside with me.”     

“Harm, you don’t have to…,” Mac started to protest, but Harm wouldn’t hear any of it.

“Yes, I do have to! I have every right to worry about you just the way you worry about me. Now… get out of those wet clothes and no arguing, Colonel.”

Mac raised her eyebrow, not quite suggestively, but just enough so that Harm could see her nervousness was slowly disappearing and being gradually replaced with her feisty cockiness. “Wow, are you always this bossy in the bedroom, Commander?”

Harm gave her his best flyboy-grin and winked. “Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet, Colonel.”

Mac groaned and rolled her eyes. “Get changed, Harm,” she said and made her way out of the bedroom. “The tea will be ready in no time and then we need to clean up that cut under your left eye. Of course I want to hear all about how it got there,” she said with a smirk. It was a little cut that had stopped bleeding and was only a little bit swollen. If she didn’t know better, she could swear someone got a bit pissed off and actually hit him.

“Of course,” Harm replied with a grin, remembering the not so pleasant scene on the plane. But his thoughts immediately returned to Mac and the look she gave him after his ‘haven’t seen anything yet’ comment. He had to laugh. ‘I think I got ya going, Marine,’ he mused.

Mac could hear the sweet sound of his laughter as she closed the bedroom door behind her. The sound comforted her and gave her a warm feeling inside even though it was still chilly in her apartment.

Yes, Harm was right. Everything was all right, or at least they were on the right path. With that thought still in her mind, she started to light all the candles she had around her living room. Slowly and steadily, she could feel the darkness in her heart dissolving as hope was taking its place and in turn, the once completely darkened room was coming alive bathed in a soft glow of comforting light. It was time to heal.

*

Mac gently knocked on her bedroom door. “Are you decent in there?” she asked softly. Her thoughts immediately ignited a giggle, but she quickly bit her lower lip in order to stifle it. She closed her eyes and put her palm affectionately on the door, savoring the moment. She couldn’t believe she was standing here, feeling like a lovesick teenager while the man of her dreams was behind this very door… in her bedroom no less.

“Yeah… I like to think I’m an upstanding sort of guy.” Harm chortled humorously not being able to contain himself. “Come on in. Did you just giggle, Marine?” He asked immediately upon her entry. “Because, it certainly sounded like you did,” he continued, flashing his famous flyboy grin.

“I did not giggle. Marines DON’T giggle. I…I had to sneeze,” Mac spit out quickly, blushing a little in the process. She knew she had been caught, but right now, she didn’t care because her eyes had landed on his battered body and any other thoughts she might be having left her mind as she continued to study him further. It took all her marine training to hold back her tears.

‘And I’m the Easter bunny,’ he thought to himself. “Right… and that statement happens to be just as ridiculous as your ‘Marines don’t duck. They just take cover’,” he joked openly.

He has aware of her intense stare and felt a little uncomfortable, knowing she was becoming upset at getting a first hand look at his injuries. He knew his battle wounds would heal and only light scars would remain as a reminder, and he didn’t want her to fret over them. His concern was for her. He was worried about whether or not she would be able to heal emotionally without the scarring.   

He was wearing the navy jersey shorts she had taken out for him, but was still bare-chested. Her gaze had gone first to his bandaged knee, but quickly drifted to his upper body and all the glory it was presenting to her until she spotted the injuries around his rib cage. She cringed at what she saw there and on his back when he turned away from her to retrieve the Washington Capitals hooded zip fleece sweatshirt from the bed. 

This time, she was unable to suppress her feelings. “Oh my God, Harm,” she gasped and quickly surrendered her cup of hot tea to her nightstand before stepping behind him. She slowly raised her arm and let her fingertips gently circle the bruises on his back. “These must hurt pretty bad.”

He flinched immediately upon feeling her touch on his inflamed skin. Mac immediately drew her hand back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she stammered apologetically.

Harm removed the sweatshirt from the bed and turned so he could look into Mac’s eyes. “You didn’t, Mac,” he replied quietly, pulled the shirt on and zipped it closed. He then reached out, took her hand into his, and sweetly began to rub it. “I jumped because you’re hands are freezing cold so you better get those wet clothes off of you immediately before you’re the one who ends up with pneumonia.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” she readily agreed. She was so totally caught up in his touch, and at the way he was looking at her that it took a few seconds for the silence that had permeated the room to reach her sensory overloaded brain. She quickly disengaged her hand from his and retrieved the steaming cup from its resting place. “Here,” she said, extending the cup of hot tea to him. “Why don’t you take this out to the other room and get comfortable on the couch? The room probably hasn’t warmed up enough yet, but there is a woolen blanket out there that should do for a while.”

Harm accepted the cup. “Thanks. I hope you plan on joining me under that blanket,” he playfully leered at her. “Now get changed Marine, that’s an order!”

“Aye, aye, Commander,” she saluted, but not before she gave him a warning stare. She fell back onto the bed with a big sigh as soon as he had closed the door behind him.

Harm had caught the menacing look and shook his head, wondering if it was made as a threat or as a promise. Should he be scared of her kick ass marine side or excited about her extremely sensual side? Didn’t matter which woman emerged, because right now even the lean mean marine side of her couldn’t dampen the sensations running through him, and he was having all he could do keep his body from betraying him and make those feelings all too obvious.

*

‘Gosh, what’s wrong with you, Mac,’ she scolded herself. ‘You need to get a grip already! This is Harm, damn it!’ She lay there lost in thought when she suddenly remembered that she needed some answers, and she wanted them now. “What was he doing here? Why wasn’t he on that plane with Renee?” She whispered the questions into the silent room.

After turning her gaze from the hurtful scene she had witnessed through Harm’s apartment window, she drove around aimlessly, finally parking at Rock Creek Park. Neither the rain nor the impending thunderstorm hindered her from walking and at times running through the deserted park in an attempt to unleash all her pent up emotions.

That was the time Harm picked to call her. He wanted to apologize one more time for not being able to be there for her, and to make sure that she was okay. He was in his car following Renee to the airport, but really needed to make sure that she was alright. Mac lied, telling him that she was fine and that there was no need for him to worry about her. She knew what he was doing was the right thing, even if it meant he was with Renee.

She had absolutely no idea how long she had spent out in the rain, but common sense finally kicked in and told her it was time to go home. Had she not, she most likely would have missed Harm. That thought broke her out of her reverie and to the question she needed to have answered. What happened? 

“I really need to know what happened,” Mac uttered. She quickly got up from the now dampened bed to get out of her wet clothes and into something dry.

*

Harm quietly closed the door behind him and fell back against it. He put his hands over his face and closed his eyes with a sigh. He knew something was wrong. ‘But what?’ He wondered. He could always see beyond her bravado. She was hurting and he was worried about her. 

He was still wondering as he pushed himself from the door and slowly made his way to the window without the use of his cane. Once there, he gazed out at the eerie darkness illuminated occasionally by a flash of brilliant lightning and let his musing continue. “Maybe she misses him more than she wants to admit to herself let alone to me. Or did he do something to cause this reaction in her?” He only hoped he was wrong on both assumptions. “Is Bugme the reason for all of this… this mess?”

He stood there for a few minutes just watching the storm rage outside, occasionally taking a gulp or two of his hot tea. He was mulling his thoughts around in his head. Suddenly something grabbed his attention, making him shiver and brought him back to the present. “What the hell?” He yelped, jumping back in surprise. His injuries were totally forgotten in the process. His eyes wandered again to the darkened streets, realizing that he was standing in the same spot Mac had been in when he’d watched her from down in the street as she cried.

Though he was still unsteady on his feet and a bit disoriented, he managed to bend down and let his fingertips run over the carpet, and as he already suspected, it was soaking wet. “Oh my God, Mac,” he whispered in shock. “What happened before I got here? Why was she crying so uncontrollably? And why the hell is this carpet soaking wet?” He mumbled so that only his ears could hear.

“Hey, you. Anything interesting going on out there, Flyboy?” Her soft voice startled him, shaking him out of his reverie and once again, he jerked in surprise nearly knocking her over with his quick move. He had never heard her enter the room so he had no idea that she was standing directly behind him when he turned around.

Harm didn’t answer her and simply watched as she pensively looked out the window as though she was searching for something or someone in the darkness. ‘So beautiful,’ was the only lucid thought that ran through his mind. Even in the plain white flannel PJ pants and red Washington Redskins long sleeve t-shirt that she was wearing, she was absolutely the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on.

When Harm didn’t answer her she became worried. He appeared to be a million miles away. “Earth to Harm… you okay?” Mac asked. “Hey, Harm, time for all good flyboys to reduce altitude and get back on the ground.”

Harm gave her his best flyboy grin. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

Mac chuckled. “Did you have a nice flight?”

“Not exactly,” he said, his grin now gone and immediately Mac knew something was bothering him. 

“We need to talk,” both said at the same time and chuckled awkwardly upon hearing themselves.

Mac took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. “Why don’t you give me a few minutes to make a nice comfortable place for us in front of the fireplace and then I will treat that cut. After that we can talk, if that’s okay with you.”

“It’s more than okay with me, Mac,” Harm answered sincerely as he watched her walk away.

“Good, I’ll be right back.”

“Mac!” Harm called after her, making her stop suddenly.

She had made it to her bedroom doorway and turned her gaze back to him. “Yeah?”

“You really want me to stay?” He asked insecurely.

Mac gave him a little smile. “Of course I want you to stay. Do you really think I would kick you out in this kind of weather?”

“But do you WANT me to stay, Mac?” Harm asked again, trying to make her understand that he wanted to know that her decision was coming from her heart and not from the fact that there was a storm raging outside.

Mac nibbled on her bottom lip, contemplating her next words before smiling again. “Yes, Harm. I would very much love for you to stay,” she said warmly.

Harm merely returned her smile with his infamous flyboy grin. “That’s good, because I would very much like to stay… here… with you.”

His heart soared, and he was elated that she wanted him to stay. Unfortunately, his happiness was short lived as a sense of guilt rattled his pleasant thoughts as he remembered what had transpired earlier because of the crisis with Renee. Mac had come to him as he had asked her to… well maybe a little more like pleaded with her to do, and he had sent her away… sent her out… out into the cold, hard rain. 

“I’m glad to hear that. Why don’t you get yourself another cup of tea. I’ll be right back.”

“Sure,” Harm said meekly as he hobbled to her kitchen. “What’s your plan anyway?” He hollered after her.

“Well, thanks to my own stupidity… I forgot to close the windows before I left the apartment this afternoon,” she admitted contritely, walking back into the room, carrying one of her mattresses. “That’s why it is exceptionally cold in here and since there is no power, I don’t anticipate it getting any warmer soon. Hence, I think we should take up residence in front of that nice warm fire,” Mac stated, tilting her head towards the living room and the fireplace.

“I’m fortunate that the wind was blowing in the other direction so that the rain didn’t come in. Otherwise, I probably would have had a small lake in my living room by now,” she added jokingly as she shivered uncontrollably at the thought of the cold rain outside.

“Need some help?” He asked from the kitchen doorway when he spotted her. He had been standing there, enjoying the hot tea and the warmth it was spreading throughout his chilled body as the living room continued to be daunted by the howl of the raging wind outside. However, the once dark room was now filled with an amber hue thanks to the array of lit candles and the glow from the now fully engulfed, crackling fireplace. The shimmering flames flickered and danced, casting muted shadows on the wall while bathing Mac in a yellow-red light as she stood there.  

Harm stood there speechless as he took in her radiant appearance. The ambience of the room had completely enveloped her and she never looked more beautiful standing there surrounded by the subdued colors infusing the room. He was completely awed by her appearance.

“Nah, I just need to find some fresh blankets and sheets and we’re done.”

“Okay, then I’ll get some of this nice hot tea for you.”

“That would be great, thanks,” Mac replied and again disappeared into her bedroom, returning with two pillows, a huge blanket, and the sheets. “I hope you don’t mind sharing,” she said, holding up the large blanket.

The blanket was pre-Mic and one of her favorite comfort zones. She would love to just curl up in it and read, watch television or daydream. For Mac, it was her protection, a way to shelter herself from the rest of the world and feel invisible. Ironically, she could never share its comforts with Mic and decided to have two other blankets for them. Because, at times, he was a part of that outside world she wanted to escape from. And maybe because the fantasies she had while being wrapped up in its warmth never include him.

The blanket was hers, her safety net. It gave her space, her own space. It was not incomprehensible that she should have something that was strictly hers to use as she wanted, when she wanted. Now, things were starting to change. She felt ready to share her cloak of comfort with Harm and make wonderful, new memories. Yes, things were becoming much clearer to her. Her former memories of time spent with Mic had already been discarded when she’d prepared everything to throw out the bedding they had shared together. She wanted a fresh, clean start.

Feeling a little self-conscience at her remark, she continued to stammer. ”It’s the only extra blanket I have that hasn’t gotten wet and…,” but her hemming and hawing was cut off mid sentence.

Harm knew exactly what she meant. He may not be a rocket scientist, but he wasn’t dumb   and decided to spare her any further embarrassment. “I most definitely like the sharing idea,” he said with his boyish grin firmly in place. “If I remember correctly, I already mentioned we could share body heat once today.”  

“Yeah, and I distinctly remember saying ‘NICE TRY BUSTER’,” Mac countered back, throwing the sheet towards him once she realized that he had put their cups down on the  

coffee table. “Here, Sailor, you can make yourself useful and help me with this.”

“Sure,” he said and together they managed to get the sheet around the mattress.

They had worked on positioning the sheet in complete silence as both were caught up in so many of their own vivid thoughts, imaginations, and their anticipation on how the night would progress. Would their relationship be forever changed in the morning? And if it did   change, would it be for the better?

“Well, I guess it’s time to get that cut cleaned up,” Mac concluded as she expectantly looked down, eyeing their sleeping arrangements for the night and mused Que sera, sera. “And I am really anxious to hear the story behind it. I never imagined you to be clumsy, so I don’t think you walked into a door as the old adage goes.” Mac couldn’t help her taunting.   

“You enjoying yourself there, Marine?” Harm teased back.

“Oh yeah…,” Mac kidded back. “Can’t wait for this story.”

“Okay, okay… I know when I’ve been licked,” Harm agreed grimacing. He decided he would play along if the banter would help to relieve the tension.

“Guess that means you pissed someone off. But whom?” Mac asked sadly. “Harm, did you miss the plane that you wanted to be on so badly and get in trouble with security for not being able to contain yourself?” She somberly asked, wondering if he really did want to follow Renee. This again raised all of her questions from earlier.

Harm gave a great big belly laugh. “You couldn’t be more wrong, Mac.”

“Then who…?” Mac started to question before the light dawned and her big brown eyes opened wide. “Oh my God, don’t tell me…”

“Yup, looks like you figured it out, Marine.” Harm stated, taking the two cups from the coffee table. “And I think we should drink to it, don’t you?” He added with a hint of sarcasm.

He wasn’t proud of his behavior or of what had transpired, nor was he pleased that he could even find it the least bit amusing that he had, for the second time, taken a blow because of Mac. However, there was no doubt that he would do it again and again if it meant protecting her and her honor.

“I so don’t believe this,” Mac breathed in disbelief and took the steaming cup of tea from Harm.

“You should, Mac. Because it’s true,” was the only thing Harm said before taking a huge gulp of tea.

*

The weather seemed to get worse with each passing minute. The sky was burdened with a heavy load that was unleashing itself with a vengeance; its unrelenting fury continued to rage and drive the wind swept rain steadily against the windowpanes, while the ear-splitting thunder and vivid lightning continued its rhythmic dance in the night sky.

It looked like it would be a restless night – at least as far as the outside world was concerned, because the atmosphere inside of Mac’s apartment had become a little more relaxed. Granted, the air was still sporting a chill as the flames in the fireplace had not burned long enough to spread warmth throughout the room. However, the aura in the apartment was becoming quite pleasant and blissful.  

Mac disappeared into the kitchen briefly, returning with a first aid box in one hand and an ice pack in the other. Her eyes admiringly captured Harm’s silhouette on the other side of the room as she leaned her body leisurely against the doorframe. She slowly shook her head in disbelief, still unable to grasp all that had transpired and that he was really here – sitting in her apartment - with her. 

Harm had already taken a seat on the mattress in front of the fireplace. In an attempt to get comfortable, he had extended his injured leg in front of him and supported it with one of her couch cushions while the blanket remained untouched next to him. Mac was enjoying the view as she stared at him and she was immediately flooded by a warm feeling. He was peacefully sitting there watching the flames dance around the fireplace in front of him. He had a glimmer in his eyes, an obvious testament to the fact that he was glad to be there and, at least for the moment, appeared to be enjoying himself. Her heart swelled immensely and the feeling was indescribable.

A few hours ago, she was almost sure she had lost him forever. The recurring image of him holding Renee in his arms, comforting her, simply being there for her still caused a pungent, almost unbearable pain in her chest. Mac shook her head to rid herself of the vision and exhorted herself not to think about it any longer. He was here now, with her, and that was all that mattered.

Mac was jolted from her reverie by a sudden rush of fear. He WAS here, right? She wasn’t dreaming again, was she? After all, in all these years she’d known him, how many nights had she spent dreaming of her and Harm there in her apartment together… dreams so animated that she swore she could actually feel, taste and smell the essence of Harmon Rabb, Jr. until the cold light of day would dawn and she would awaken alone.

The frightening thought had her so scared that she closed her eyes to shut out the feelings and inhaled deeply in an attempt to regain control of her erratic emotions. “Please don’t let this be a dream,” she murmured to herself as she slowly allowed her eyes to open again.

A smile immediately graced her lips. “Thank you,” she whispered as she looked up to the ceiling. Mac pushed herself from the doorframe, slowly moving towards Harm. “I still don’t believe it’, she chided.

Harm turned his head in her direction when he heard her speak and watched admiringly as she made her way closer to him. However, the reality of what had taken place at the airport kicked in and sufficed enough to make him shudder and sigh. Though he was happy to be where he wanted to be, with Mac, he was ashamed of what he had done to Renee. Rubbing his hands over his bruised and sore face, he knew her actions were justified and he certainly had it coming. He had been a cad and he was definitely not proud of what he had done.

Mac sensed his mood shift as she knelt next to him on the mattress and put the first-aid box down. “She really gave you a nice shiner, Sailor,” she said soothingly. “I would have never thought the ‘video princess’ capable of such a violet outburst,” she added with a little smile. “But I have to confess that I always wondered what her reaction would be if one of her oh so perfect fingernails were to break.” 

Harm chuckled at Mac’s little joke, but he knew only to well how Renee hated a broken fingernail. He would find her tirades amusing to a degree before he found the need to tune her out. She never really knew when to ‘power down’. He always found it amazing how the only problems some women encountered were with their manicure, pedicure, hair and what to wear. “Believe me, Mac. You really missed something,” he replied grinning widely. “She really packs a punch… who knew?” he mused and rubbed his face again while feeling a sense of déjà vu remembering a dream involving Renee, Mac and a boxing ring.

Giggling, Mac squealed. “I knew it!” She took another good look at Harm’s shiner. “Boy, this really looks bad, Harm. Why did she hit you anyway? What in the devil happened that would cause Renee to react like this?”

Harm merely shrugged his shoulders, giving Mac a wry grin without ever taking his eyes off her. “It would appear that what my heart wanted and what my head was telling me I should do were waging an internal battle. When Renee found out that my heart had won, well… let’s just say that she was not too happy and that’s when it happened. She nearly put my lights out, Mac.”

Mac grimaced. “Ouch, that doesn’t sound like a very pleasant scene.” Mac was trying to picture Renee with her manicured nails, perfect hair and just the right outfit ranting and raving and getting upset enough to inflict bodily damage. Especially seeing as how it was aimed at what was the object of her affection. Mac was never a big fan of Renee; however, she was sympathetic towards her. Having recently been in her shoes so to speak… she knew exactly how she felt.

“I don’t know, Harm; she must have been really pissed off.”

Harm laughed at her comment. “Now that is putting it mildly… it doesn’t even come close to the reality of the situation. One thing is for sure. Although I am embarrassed to say it, I have to admit it… I definitely earned this shiner.” Lowering his head, he continued. “I’m really ashamed of myself, Mac. Not exactly the officer and the gentleman I always considered myself to be.”

“That bad, huh?” Mac asked compassionately while gently raising his chin with her index finger so that he was now looking at her. She soothingly placed the ice pack next to the small cut below his right eye. “Okay, this is going to be a little cold and maybe a little too late, but it should curtail any additional swelling.” She then proceeded to firmly press the ice pack carefully against the wound.

Mac knew only to well Harm’s strong sense of honor and duty, not only to his country but to his family and friends as well. Therefore, she fully understood the depth of what he was feeling right now and hoped that somehow she could ease his pain both physically and emotionally. 

Even with her warning, Harm still flinched as soon as the ice pack touched his sensitive skin. Granted the heat from the fireplace was spreading some of its warmth and improving conditions in the apartment, but his body was still chilled to the bone and the ice pack against his skin compounded the feeling and it was not a pleasant sensation.

“I’m sorry,” Mac apologized as she attempted to pull the ice pack away only to be stopped by Harm’s large, firm hand being placed on her smaller one so that she could not move it away.

“No, it’s okay, Mac. It was just the first touch… it startled me a little. To be honest, it feels good and it seems to be helping already. At least the throbbing has stopped,” he replied with a small smile, squeezing her hand tenderly. Suddenly he started to laugh. “She got me good, didn’t she? Maybe I should feel lucky there are no mirrors around.” He couldn’t help but joke about it. “Do you think Renee and Bugme practiced together secretly?”

Mac laughed at his joke. “Perhaps… who knows? It wouldn’t surprise me,” she mumbled to herself becoming serious again. She knew how much she’d hurt Mic and obviously something similar had happened between Renee and Harm.

“Well I must say that this was a first for me,” Harm interrupted Mac’s thoughts chuckling. “I’ve never been punched by a woman before. The last time a girl hit me was – I think – in the third grade. It was little Peggy Sue and she slapped me after I had pulled her braids.”

Mac looked at him with raised eyebrows and one hand on her hip. “Why Harmon Rabb Jr., you pulled at a little girl’s braids? I don’t believe it. Who would have thought that you were a troublemaker as a kid?”

Harm sheepishly shrugged his shoulders. “If you asked my mother, her answer would come in a loud resounding… ‘Yes!’ while my grandmother would immediately add, ‘Absolutely!’.”

Now Mac was giggling. “Funny! From what I see now, I always pictured you as a well-behaved and very responsible boy. I can’t even picture you pulling at a girl’s braids.”

“I thought she deserved it.”

"Oh, really?"

“Yeah… absolutely,” Harm smirked. “Our teacher, Mrs. Swanson, ordered me to sit next to Peggy Sue… ummm… it appeared that she was fed up with the ‘childish antics’ as she so cynically put it about Timmy and myself. She split us up and had me exchange seats with Angela. So I got stuck sitting next to the grouchy, self-centered Peggy Sue, while Timmy ended up next to Angela. God! I remember every boy in the class having a crush on her and with the new seating order, Timmy hit the jackpot and got her as his table partner.”

"Oohhh, how mean!”

“Exactly my point,” Harm replied, playfully wide-eyed. “I found the girl to be stupid, arrogant and not only that, she refused to let me copy the answers to the math problems. She had definitely earned her punishment of my pulling her hair!”

“Oh yeah…definitely …that would do it,” Mac agreed smugly.

“Well, I can’t imagine why, but she had a completely different opinion and gave me a corker of a black eye,” Harm sulked. “Now Timmy, on the other hand, had much better luck. He and Angela became best friends and childhood sweethearts. They still live in San Diego and have three boys. Ironically, all three are just like Timmy - habitual troublemakers and quite a handful. I guess that saying is true… ‘What goes around, comes around’. But thank God they all look just like Angela,” Harm added grinning from ear to ear while thinking about how he hoped their children ended up looking just like Mac.

Harm wasn’t the only one daydreaming, and by the time he had finished the story, Mac was also deep in thought, wondering if their children would be troublemakers just like their daddy. ‘Geez marine… get your head out of the clouds and get a grip.’

With a slight shake of her head to erase her thoughts, Mac gave him a warm smile before she pulled her hand out from under Harm’s and put the ice pack on the coffee table. She looked into his blue-green eyes with a heart full of things to be said. Hesitantly, she raised her fingers and affectionately placed them on the shiner and cut below his eye, pondering that it was probably caused by the over-sized, ostentatious diamond ring Renee always wore. Mac always thought it looked more like a dangerous weapon one needed a license for rather than a piece of jewelry. ‘Guess I was right,’ Mac mused, before speaking seriously. “I’m pretty sure this black eye is not the result of pulling Renee’s hair.” 

“No, it wasn’t. I have hurt her in a way that is simply inexcusable, Mac,” he explained in a whisper.

Mac opened the first aid box and removed a cloth and the antiseptic from it. “I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think, Harm. You would never hurt anyone, at least not intentionally and on purpose.”

Harm snickered and got serious, looking deeply into Mac’s eyes. “I’ve hurt you more than once, Mac. Maybe not intentionally, but it still had happened one time too many.”

Mac put some drops of the antiseptic on to the cloth and gave Harm a hint of a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Maybe, but we both were very good at that particular game,” she truthfully uttered. “Perhaps even a little bit too good,” she added sadly. “Okay, this might burn a little, so suck it up, Sailor!”

Harm bit his lip, but didn’t quite suppress the groan as the burning pain seemed to pierce his entire body. However, the physical pain was short lived and was replaced with emotional pain as he looked into Mac’s sad eyes. He had picked up on the sad undertone in her words, and he was well aware that she still was uncertain about their relationship and his sudden appearance tonight. For that, he couldn’t blame her one bit.

Harm couldn’t even imagine how much he’d hurt her just a few hours ago. It must have been like adding insult to injury when she stood devastated in front of his door, and he had to tell her that Renee needed him. He knew she understood his decision to stand by Renee in her time of need and would not have accepted anything less from him. Nevertheless, he had rejected her, leaving her alone.

Harm raised his right hand and gently put it against Mac’s left cheek, immediately noticing the tear and tenderly wiped it away before caressing her face. “Mac, I wanted so much to be with another woman and deep down she knew it.”

Mac was too overcome for words and let her tears speak. They were finally there together, on the same page, and it was completely overwhelming.

“I was very transparent. She knew that my heart was not into being on that plane nor was it into helping her get through the hardest time in her life. My thoughts were with someone else, and I let her feel it and see it and in the end, I even said it in words,” Harm admitted in shame. “The only thing there with her was my body.”

Mac simply listened without interrupting. She knew he was hurt and confused about his behavior because beneath that rough and tough exterior of Harmon Rabb Jr. beats a heart of gold; the heart of a very sensitive and vulnerable person.

Through all the years that Mac knew him, she seldom got to see the real Harmon Rabb Jr., and the few times she did get to see what really made him ‘tick’, she treasured. It was at those times that he dropped his guard and allowed her to see a glimpse of who he was and what he was made of.

Mac put her hand on top of his, which was still caressing her damp cheek, and gave it a gentle squeeze to let him know that she was there for him.

Harm took her simple action as encouragement and continued. “I can’t remember anything about the entire time we sat in the plane next to each other. She was talking to me for some time, babbling on before realizing that I wasn’t listening to a word she was saying because my thoughts were obviously elsewhere. She obviously called my name several times before I even reacted,” Harm explained grimacing.

Mac was able to add one and one and knew by the grimace that it was at that moment Renee had hauled back and hit him. “What did you do?” Mac asked quietly without losing their eye contact.

“I must have been mumbling somewhat incoherently about ‘I shouldn’t be here, I should be with her’. As I said, I don’t really remember much up until the punch. It definitely brought me back to earth and to the reality of where I was and with whom. That was when Renee yelled at me to go so that I could finally be with my dream girl… with you. That was when I realized that I must have been vocalizing my thoughts.”

“Oh,” Mac replied getting a distinct picture of what had happened in the plane.

Mac’s emotions were in turmoil. He had finally made his decision to come to her… to be with her. Yet she couldn’t help the sadness she felt when she looked into Harm’s anguished eyes. She saw the toll his decision had taken on his emotions and his sense of duty when he chose not to accompany Renee. Not to mention what the whole situation must have done to Renee on top of what she was already going through.

They had finally decided to listen to what their hearts had been saying for so long. So why did they feel so bad?

Mac closed her eyes taking a deep breath, trying to get her emotions in check but failed miserably as the tears again ran down her cheeks. Releasing her breath, she sighed, knowing exactly why they were feeling this way… filled with so many mixed emotions… too many times one or the other had been left behind to watch while the one they truly loved walked away with someone else.

Mac slowly re-opened her tear-filled eyes and lifted them to look longingly into Harm’s eyes that had now turned gray from the sadness that permeated them. She was numb and rooted to the spot, instantly overcome with an inner fear and all she could do was bite on her lower lip

Had they really come this far only to give up on them again? Was their sense of guilt stronger than their unmistakable love… a love that they could no longer deny?

*

Was that it? Had they really come this far just to quit, pack it in forever?

There has been complete misery, unbearable pain, total unhappiness, and unbelievable frustration suffered by both of them throughout their partnership/friendship/relationship. Who knows what to call it at this stage. Someone or something has always stood between them, an obstacle, making their path to each other impassable. Now, here they were. They had made it to the crossroad. Was all the anguish and struggling they endured over the years to get here be for nothing?

No… no… no… this can’t be it, can it?

This couldn’t be it, could it?

Mac was still looking longingly into Harm’s troubled eyes, trying to decipher his errant thoughts. He had exposed his feelings to her just as she had to him. They were both feeling somewhat guilty about what had transpired and that was normal under the circumstances. They both knew what they wanted to happen next – hell they had known that for years… but could they let the past stay in the past and move on?

They just sat there, unable to take their eyes of each other. Maybe they feared that if one or the other looked away, it would all be a dream. So they continued to stare. Mac chewed nervously on her lower lip while Harm’s tongue poked out between his teeth as they watched each other intently, trying to gage thoughts. Words were unnecessary as their eyes were revealing everything they needed to know.

Suddenly there was a flash of lightning so vivid the entire room turned white from the flash. The thunder exploded so loudly overhead that the building actually shook and it awakened something in the two people sitting in the room, bringing their hidden feelings and desires to the surface.

It seemed to hit them simultaneously… their epiphany of sorts. Their eyes exposed what was in their hearts. The fear subsided and the sadness abated. All the turbulent emotions Mac had seen in Harm’s blue-green eyes were gone and replaced with a bright wonderful glimmer filled with love. As they continued their stare, Harm could see his feelings reflected back at him through her eyes. He couldn’t help but give her his flyboy grin.

Mac exhaled the breath she didn’t know she was holding and sighed in relief. They had both made their decision. She smirked playfully. “You know…,” she began to say as she slowly let her fingertip run over the little cut beneath is eye and softly caressing his cheek, “for this… we may go to hell, Harm,” she softly predicted against his ear. She knew that the decision made tonight could very well start something wonderful, but also had the ability to end up like a run away train loaded with a full head of steam and unable to stop.

Harm shrugged his shoulders and continued looking into her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. He raised his hand to the corner of his mouth as though he were holding a cigar and wiggled his eyes brows. “Well sweetheart… as long as we go together,” he goaded self assuredly.

Mac chuckled loudly. “My, my, Commander, we are bellicose today,” she countered back flirtatiously. ‘May hell come and freeze over,’ she thought. ‘I’m definitely ready for it,’ while aloud she bantered, “you’re certainly full of surprises today, aren’t you.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet, Marine,” Harm responded teasingly, placing his large hands on her toned thighs, letting his fingertips slowly run a caressing trail up and down.

“Is that so?” She barely whispered as her heart raced at the feel of his hands. She could feel the heat of his touch seeping through her flannel PJ’s, and the passion in his hooded eyes made her shiver as her knees went weak. ‘It’s a good thing I’m already sitting,’ she mused. Mac angled her head, sniggering. What this man could do to her was unbelievable.

 

“Count on it,” he replied softly, bringing Mac out of her reverie to see him grinning at her. Again, he was caressing her thighs, letting his hands travel higher and higher until they were on her waist and slipped around to the small of her back. He continued his ministrations, stroking her gently.

Mac’s fingers were itching to roam. They left the cut under his eye and proceeded slowly and seductively around his ear, down his neck around to his Adam’s apple and on to the zipper of his sweatshirt, opening it enough to get a little glimpse of his bare skin underneath it. Softly she touched it with her forefinger, drew little circles, and started to play with the hair she found there.

“You do realize Harm that it could get very hot?” She asked huskily with a hint of ambiguity in her voice to let him know exactly what was on her mind at the moment, even though she was worried about what the hell on earth had in store for them.

Oh yeah… Harm was definitely feeling hot, very hot! And it had nothing to do with the fact that he was wearing a heavy sweatshirt, but more with the reality that there was a very sexy brunette running her wayward finger all over him. He knew the uncertain meaning behind Mac’s words and as much as he wanted nothing more than to remain here in the cocoon they had made for themselves, remove all her clothes and have his way with her, they needed to address the issues that would face them in the real world.

The heat they could feel out there could rival anything they could feel in here…’well maybe not rival. No doubt, we could definitely create some very steamy heat,’ he thought. ‘Rabb get hold of yourself... stay focused here. You know damn well what is going to happen if and when our relationship becomes common knowledge… fireworks!’

Were they ready for it? Could they accept the consequences of finally being together?

The sudden crackling of the fireplace cut short Harm’s pondering. He knew his answer. He just needed to know hers. He looked into the yellow and orange flames dancing around the confined space between the fireplace walls as it cast iridescent shadows around them and grinned wickedly. “Oh, the hotter the better,” he told her in that sultry bedroom voice of his, while he let his eyes tell her that he also was ready for the battle that lay ahead outside of these four walls.

Mac gave him a sweet smile and nodded, letting him know that whatever they were to face, they were both definitely on the same page. “Well sailor, now you’re talking my kind of language.”

Harm gave her his best boyish grin and pulled her closer to him. “I’m glad to hear that,” he whispered into her ear, blowing into it, making her shiver in response before pulling back to arms length and looking into Mac’s big brown eyes. “There is nothing I would like to do more than throw caution to the wind and have my way with you here and now - the hotter the better.”

Mac looked back questioningly at him. “But,” she interrupted him, knowing that the legendary proverbial ‘but’ was about to come.

Taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts, Harm continued. “But I want you to be sure that this is what you really want. As you mentioned earlier, we are going to take an awful lot of heat once the Admiral finds out about us, and I just want you to be prepared for the consequences. You are right, it may be like hell and if ‘us’ is not what you want, then I think it’s best if we stop right here and now. I don’t want to ever lose you Mac and at least our friendship can be salvaged if that is all it is meant to be.”

For a few seconds Mac just looked into his eyes before a big smile covered her face and she responded by throwing herself into his arms. They came together in an explosive kiss, leaving them both panting and wanting more. Mac lowered the zipper on Harm’s sweatshirt a little more and began to soothingly caress his muscular chest in an attempt to take away all his pain. “Does that answer your question, flyboy?”

“Huh? What? Ummm… what was the question again?” He asked completely out of breath.

Mac giggled and gave him a playful slap. “You’re silly.”

A goofy grin was plastered across his face. “Sure am,” he said and pointed at her, “and you giggled… again!”

“Did not!”

“Sure did!”

“Marines DON’T giggle, Harm,” Mac affirmed, moving forward to nibble on his ear, trying to distract him. “How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

“That won’t work, Marine,” Harm croaked, his voice betraying his statement.

Mac’s mouth wandered downward, placing a trail of wet kisses wherever her lips could touch him. “Are you sure? You sound a bit out of breath, if you ask me,” she told him, sounding just as out of breath as him.

To prove her point, she let the tip of her tongue move over his Adam’s apple, eliciting a soft moan from Harm. “Never mind,” he groaned low in his throat before he crushed her to him, capturing her mouth into a soul-searing kiss that instantly got away from them.

Their tongues dueled, tangled and retreated before thrusting in again, seeking more until they had to break for air. They gazed at each other before Harm bent down that last inch so that his lips could slightly brush over hers in a gentle kiss. He slowly rolled them over on to the mattress so they could face each other.

Mac became concerned and broke their kiss. “Harm, what are you doing? You’ll hurt yourself.”

“I’m okay. Your touch helps ease any of the pain. Besides, you feel cold. I think it’s time to share body heat,” he chortled and turned a bit to get the blanket next to him, throwing it over them.

“I’m fine, Harm,” Mac answered sweetly, cuddling into his waiting arms, belying her words.

“No, you’re not, Mac, and while we’re at it here, I need to ask you another question.”

“What?” Mac asked quietly and pushed the blanket that was cocooning their body heat downwards so she could reach the zipper of Harm’s sweatshirt once more, this time opening it totally. She gently caressed the wounds on the upper part of his body.

“I stepped into a puddle over by the window earlier. I’m assuming it has something to do with the fact that you were already soaked before you ran out to me earlier. How did you get so wet?”

“It happened when I went over to your apartment tonight,” Mac just said and continued to caress him, at times letting her hand run through the perfect amount of chest hair across his chest and enjoying the ticklish feeling under her fingertips.

“You didn’t appear wet when I opened the door,” Harm replied in wonder as his fingertips trailed up and down her back, around her neck and back down to her waist.

“No, I wasn’t. It happened after I left.”

Harm chuckled. “Did you loose your car, Marine?” He asked jokingly and immediately regretted it as he felt her flinch at his words. So he had been right. Something was wrong here. Very wrong.

Mac didn’t answer him but tried to move even closer, burying her nose in his collarbone to take in his unique smell. She closed her eyes and sighed.

“Mac?” Harm quietly called her name.

Mac once more sighed. “I stood outside and watched you and Renee in the window,” she said so quietly, that Harm barely was able to hear her.

This time it was Harm who flinched. “Mac, I’m so sorry.”

Mac propped herself up on one arm so she was able to look at him, as the blazing fire in the fireplace revealed his expression. “No! It’s okay, Harm. You didn’t do anything wrong. What you did was right. You were comforting your girlfriend when she needed you. You did the right thing. That is what makes you who you are, and I wouldn’t have you any other way. Nobody forced me to watch; I chose to. At times, I think I have masochistic inclinations,” Mac continued and looked away again, fidgeting with a string on her PJ’s pants.

“Uh oh, do I have to be worried?” Harm kidded, trying to lighten their mood.

Mac gazed at him coyly. “Nah, don’t worry. I’ll be gentle,” she breathed and lowered her head to let the tip of her tongue run over his already harden nipple before taking it into her mouth.

Harm closed his eyes and moaned. “Don’t be gentle, be good,” he uttered.

Mac let go of him and slowly moved upwards enough to look directly into his eyes. “I’ll be both.”

Harm chuckled. “I’m sure you will,” he said softly and moved his hand from her back to her cheek, caressing it. “I love you, Sarah. Always have and always will.”

Mac became sullen and raised her hand once again to the bruise below his eye, while the other caressed his injured leg. “If it wasn’t for me, you would not have been trying to get back in that storm and your plane would not have gone down in the Atlantic. I goaded you that day by the elevator. I told you I needed you to be there.” She felt that the injuries were all her fault and she couldn’t help but feel guilty. “Now I have a question for you. Would you have stopped the wedding?” 

“What?”

“Did something happen to your hearing as well? I said would you have stopped me from marrying Mic.”

Harm reached out to caress her face. “Yes, I was rushing to get back, and yes I wanted to stop the wedding. But I don’t think I would have. If…”

Mac immediately cut him off before he could say another word. “You would have let me marry Mic even though you were in love with me?”

“Yes, Mac. Because… if marrying Mic made you happy, then I would have been happy for you. I love you so much that your happiness is all that I care about.”

That’s when the dam broke. She couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore, smiling brightly through her tears, which were now freely running down her cheeks. Finally, they were there. “I love you too, Harm. Always have and always will. Never ever doubt that.”

They came together in a gentle loving kiss that quickly turned passionate. They parted enough to catch their breath and smiled the sweetest smiles.

Yes… they both knew exactly what they wanted and let the consequences be damned.

They were no longer adrift and from this moment on, they never ever would be again.

The End…

A/N: The conclusion (an adult version) you can read only at my website and yahoo group (see part one for all important information). It will be posted sometime this weekend…

H&M Fanfiction