The Need To Feel Free Again

Page 2

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May 29, 2004
The Clearing
Near the Anderson’s Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
6:27 PM

“I love you too, Sarah. I am hopelessly, totally and madly in love with you. I wish I could find the words to tell you just how much I love you,” Harm told Mac as he held her hands in his and looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes.

“You just did, Harm,” Mac whispered with tears in her eyes. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to hear those words from you.” She leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on his lips.

All her dreams were coming true, and she was so happy at that moment she thought she might burst. Her troubled past had always weighed heavily on her ability to look at life in a positive light and the possibility that there could actually be a happily ever after.

“Doset daram, Sarah MacKenzie,” Harm huskily said. At those words, Mac all but melted on the spot. Harm stood there staring lovingly at her with his signature flyboy grin firmly in place and to say that she was completely shocked was putting it mildly.

“How?” Mac asked astonished.

“How did I know how to say ‘I love you’ in Farsi?” Harm asked pleased with himself for pronouncing it correctly.

“Yeah,” Mac answered quietly.

“Mattie taught me how to say it,” Harm said proudly.

“Mattie?” Mac was still surprised and wanted to know what Mattie had to do with this.

“Yeah Mattie. A few weeks ago, she asked me if I loved you. I told her that I did and she wanted to know why I hadn’t told you yet, so I tried to make her understand that I didn’t know how to tell you,” Harm explained to Mac smiling as he remembered the conversation with his ward.

“What happened?” Mac wanted to know and Harm reconstructed in his mind what happened weeks ago before he started to tell her the story.


*


Flashback

“You know, Harm, just say the words ‘I love you’. It’s not that hard,” Mattie told Harm boldly.

“Oh Mattie, I wish it were that easy.” Harm sighed before he laughed silently and murmured to himself, “Maybe I should try to say it in Farsi or Russian.”

He was sure Mattie had not heard him. However, Harm was wrong. Mattie had heard his last remark and left his place deep in thought with a mission to accomplish. A half an hour later she returned from her apartment, happy with herself for a job well done, and gave him a slip of paper with a few words on it.

“Mattie, what is this about? What does it mean?” Harm asked, finding himself very confused about the paper.

Mattie looked over his shoulder and pointed at the first sentence. “This means ‘I love you’ in Farsi,” she told him with a smirk before she pointed at the second sentence. “And this is ‘I love you’ in Russian. Now you can tell Mac how you feel about her.”

“Mattie, where did you find these?” Harm was amazed that Mattie was able to find the three simple words that had been so hard for him to say translated into different languages and wanted to know how she did it.

At that moment, Harm was transported back to the Admiral’s porch and a conversation he had with Mac when they spoke about how he made ‘simple things complicated’ and she made ‘complicated things simple’. He was still shrugging thinking how true it was when he was brought back to the present at the sound of Mattie’s voice.

“On the internet, Harm,” Mattie answered in an annoyed voice rolling her eyes. The fact that Harm knew less than nothing about the internet was adding to her annoyance with the gentle giant of a man who could deliver eloquent closing arguments in a courtroom, but couldn’t say ‘I love you’ to the love of his life. “I found a very cool site where you can find out how to say ‘I love you’ in a hundred different languages. So, if Farsi and Russian aren’t enough, I can look up how to say ‘I love you’ in Japanese, Hebrew, or in whatever other language you would like to say it in.”

“How did you know where to find it?” Harm asked still amazed about his ward and what she was able to do.

“Harm, don’t ask,” was all Mattie said. She knew it would do absolutely no good to tell Harm she just ‘googled’ a search. He just wouldn’t get it.

End of Flashback


*


“Thank God I said the one in Farsi right. I wasn’t sure that I could bring myself to say the Russian version without saying something that might embarrass me,” Harm told Mac laughing and shaking his head as he finished his story.

“Ya tebya liubliu, Harm,” Mac whispered against Harm’s lips before she gave him another loving kiss.

“Ya tebya liubliu, Sarah,” Harm repeated the Russian words sweetly against her ear which made Mac’s body tingle from head to toe.

After hearing the whole story, Mac was shocked that he had actually admitted his feelings for her to Mattie so freely and made a mental note to discuss it further with him at another time.

The next few minutes were spent kissing and caressing each other. There was no need for words. Everything around them disappeared; it was just the two of them, celebrating their love for each other. The passion of their kisses increased when Mac pushed Harm’s back on to the sleeping bag and lay on top of him. Their tongues dueled seeking for more. His hands drifted over her shoulders beyond the curve of her breasts, and down her sides until they settled on her rounded butt and proceeded to crush her against his solid body.

Mac clearly felt the desire Harm had for her and teased him by rotating her hips against him, eliciting a moan from both of them. Unfortunately, Mac’s stomach picked that time to growl and the spell, as well as their embrace, was broken. They both were left breathless, panting and wanting more when their kiss ended.

“And you keep telling me, that I have bad timing,” Harm said with a snicker. “Hmm, I guess my Marine is hungry. Looks like I better feed you. After all, I wouldn’t want you to get mad at me,” he continued. He was still breathless from their latest round of tantalizing activities, but couldn’t resist giving her puffy lips one last kiss.

“Your Marine,” Mac repeated with a glimmer in her eyes. “I like the sound of that. And now you better feed your Marine or you will definitely be in for trouble,” Mac answered as she reluctantly got off of him.

“Aye, aye, Ma’am… your wish is my command. What does Milady desire?” Harm asked as he stood and gave Mac a playful salute.

“For now a sandwich will do. However, please feel free to ask me that question again later sailor. I’m sure I’ll be craving some sort of delectable dessert by then, and wanting to fulfill a lot of wishes,” Mac told him in a sexy tone giving him a little mischievous smack on his well toned six. By now, she was totally amused and giggling wildly. Harm was enjoying the same good spirits, and she had to pull a quick marine move to avoid his playful reach.

“Just you wait, Marine. Just you wait,” Harm leered.

“Yeah… yeah… promises… promises, squid,” was her light-hearted response.


*


A short time later Harm and Mac sat comfortably on their sleeping bag directly in front of the glowing campfire. They enjoyed their time together while they ate their sandwiches and drank the juice Mac had bought earlier. Martha had even made meatless sandwiches just for Harm, since Mac told her he was a vegetarian. Suddenly Mac felt like she was being watched and looked up.

“What?” Mac asked bemused when she caught Harm staring at her.

“You have a dab of mayonnaise in the corner of your mouth,” Harm told her with a twinkle in his eye as he leaned in. “Here, let me...,” he continued before he sensuously licked it away with his tongue and kissed the now clean spot. “You taste so good, Sarah.”

“Thank you,” Mac huskily whispered before giving him a delicious kiss on his lips. “So, what would you like to do for the rest of the evening?”

Mac did not need to hear Harm’s answer. One look at the smirk on his face and the glint in his eyes made it quite clear what he wanted. She swatted his arm scoffing. “You’re incorrigible.”

“And you love it,” Harm responded waggling his eyebrows and grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah, I do. Very much,” Mac whispered. “How about going for a walk? This way we can wear out our little baby.” Mac pointed at Toby, who was leaning over the water excitedly watching his own mirror image in the pond. “Then when he’s finally out for the night… we can enjoy the naughty and wonderful adult things in life,” She added licking her lips in anticipation of what was to come.

“Oh... I like the way you think... you’ve got yourself a deal, Marine,” Harm answered with his best flyboy grin. In one swift motion he was on his feet. He quickly walked over to the pond to get his new ‘buddy’ ready for their walk.

Mac watched him in minor disbelief. She still could not believe it had finally happened, they had finally happened. They both let go, and it did not blow up in their faces, as she had once feared it would. Last night felt so right, it was full of passion and the gentleness she had often dreamed about. She always knew that Harm would be a thoughtful and generous lover, and he hadn’t disappointed her. Neither one of them knew what the future would bring. Would Mattie go back to her dad? What would the doctor tell Mac next week?

Mac pondered these questions and she found herself not caring. She knew with Harm in her life she would survive, and she hoped Harm would feel the same with her by his side. She promised herself she would be there for him, if Mattie should go back to her dad. And she knew that Harm would be there for her no matter what the doctor told her.

Mac was so deep in thought she didn’t even realize that Harm and Toby were standing in front of her. It was Toby’s wet ‘kisses’ and a loud ‘woof’ that got her to focus. With a giggle, she pushed herself away from the playful Golden Retriever, who was now jumping all over the sleeping bag she was still sitting on.

“You okay, Mac?” Harm asked slightly worried.

“Yes, Harm, everything’s okay. No wait, it’s not okay; it’s absolutely perfect,” Mac told him as she stood up in front of him, put her arms around his waist and gave him a passionate kiss filled with desire and a promise of things to come.

Harm wrapped his arms around her to deepen their kiss.

“Let’s go and enjoy this quiet and beautiful evening. Our baby over there is waiting for us,” Mac whispered in Harm’s ear as she pointed her finger at Toby. “The sooner we go for a walk, the sooner we can start our own magical evening...,” Mac couldn’t resist reaching up and teasing Harm’s incredibly sexy bent ear with her tongue, “...and night.”

That earned her a groan from Harm, who held her slightly tighter to him. “Good idea. Let me put out the fire and we’re ready to go,” he eagerly said and unwillingly let go of her.

“You better hurry up!” Mac commanded with a laugh.

“No worries there, Marine!” Harm chuckled while using the dirt around the fire to extinguish it.

“Didn’t think so,” Mac answered with a smirk.

“Okay, finished,” Harm triumphantly said in a winner pose as soon as the fire was out. “Let’s get going, Jarhead. It’s getting dark and we don’t want to get lost, now do we?”

“Of course not, but you ARE talking to a Marine here. There is no way we’ll get lost on my watch,” Mac confidently responded. “So Navy, do tell in what direction should we head?”

“I really would like to go in the direction that brought us here, because I wanted to take a better look at this special tree I saw,” Harm smirked.

“What special tree?” Mac asked confused.

“I mean the tree we passed two or three times taking your special route before we got to the clearing. You didn’t think you could outwit me, Marine, did you?” Harm said with a laugh. “You liked the ride, didn’t you?” He whispered into Mac’s ear before he nibbled at it and let his tongue forge a trail down her neck. This time it was Mac’s turn to moan.

“Let’s go,” Mac said as she swallowed hard and tried to put a little space between her and Harm.

Harm laughed. “I got you, didn’t I?”

“No, at least not yet.” Mac smirked. “And now show me this special tree. What’s so special about it anyway?”

“Oh, you’ll find out soon enough. Come on, or Toby will be there before we’ve even moved one foot.”

They made their way to the tree Harm told her about. At first, they walked silently holding hands, their fingers intertwined. However, after a while hand holding wasn’t enough for them. For the rest of the walk they were arm in arm, exchanging ardent kisses and talking sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

Toby was always a few feet ahead of them. He liked to play hide and scare with Harm and Mac. First, he would hide in the long log before he would jump out of it when Harm and Mac were in reach. He always gave them a warning ‘woof’ which eliminated the scare part of the game. But he was having fun, and Harm and Mac were enjoying the feeling of being ‘a family’. It was a feeling they both longed for and did not want to miss out on anymore.

“This feels great, doesn’t it?” Harm asked cheerfully.

“Yeah, it feels like...,” Mac started to answer before Harm joined in and they ended her sentence together.

“Family.” They both looked deeply into each other’s eyes and knew they were exactly where they always wanted to be. Together.

After a short time and some chasing after Toby, they finally reached the special tree Harm had seen earlier.

“You think these initials are Chloe’s and her boyfriend’s?” Harm asked Mac quietly.

Mac touched the heart on the trunk and Harm sensed a feeling of sadness as he watched Mac. The tear that ran down her cheek was his clue. He stood behind her and took her in his arms. “What’s wrong, Sarah? What’s this tear for?” Harm asked before kissing the tear away.

“I remember Chloe once talked about a boy called Greg, but I have no idea if he was her boyfriend or not,” Mac told Harm in a low voice. “The older she gets the more I feel she doesn’t need me anymore. The little kiddo from long ago is a smart young lady now, and very capable of handling her own life,” Mac continued, her voice trailing off.

More tears began running down Mac’s cheeks. She just couldn’t hold them back anymore. Harm saw them and he felt her shaking in his arms. He knew these tears weren’t only about Chloe. There had to be more to them.

He held her closer and kissed her ear before turning her around. He looked deeply into her tear rimmed eyes. ‘She looks so sad,’ Harm thought. It broke his heart to see her like this and he knew he had to help her in any way possible.

“Please, Sarah, tell me what’s wrong. These tears are not only for Chloe, are they? Please, let me help you,” Harm told her softly while trying to wipe her tears away with his thumbs.

“You know, Chloe made me realize that I can be a good mom, that I’m better than my parents. She gave me the courage to believe in myself and in my ability to handle motherhood. But Harm, what if I can’t have any children? What if I’ve lost the chance to be a mom?” Mac asked tearfully.

When Harm heard what Mac said his heart broke, and he couldn’t hold back his own tears.

“Oh Sarah, no, please don’t think like that. First of all, Chloe will always need you. And if it comes to the point that you and I can’t have children, it just means they won’t be our own flesh and blood. There are so many children and babies out there who have no family at all.

Sarah, one way or the other, you and I will have our own children. When we do, they will get all the love they deserve and they will feel the tremendous love their parents have for one another. Whatever the next weeks may bring to us, we’ll get through it together. Always and forever,” Harm told her affectionately. He gave her a gentle kiss full of love before he again took her in his arms to let her cry it all out.

When her tears finally stopped, Harm again looked lovingly at her and proceeded to kiss away the remnants of her tears from her swollen eyes, her now red nose and her water streaked cheeks with so much love and desire that Mac had all she could do not to start crying all over again.

She wanted to pinch herself so that she would know that this wasn’t all a dream and this terrific man who had her wrapped in his arms was really hers.

“Come on, let’s go back. I want to show the woman who is my life just how much I love her,” Harm said quietly.

That’s when he heard the most beautiful sound. His Sarah was laughing. After all those tears a few seconds ago, she was now laughing and it sounded so beautiful.

“What is so funny, Marine?” Harm asked with a raised eyebrow.

Mac just pointed at something behind him. He turned and laughed the minute he saw it.

There was Toby, curled up and out for the night.

“Well daddy, I guess it’s time for you to get him to bed. Don’t you think?” Mac asked with a glimmer in her eyes.

Harm just chuckled and took the sleeping Golden Retriever in his arms, making room to hold Mac, too.

Together they made their way back to the clearing where their night of passion and love would begin.

*

May 29, 2004
The Clearing
Near the Anderson's Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
8:03 PM


“Toby is still out like a light.” Harm chuckled softly and decided it was a good time to find the puppy a suitable sleeping place for the night before joining Mac at the now blazing campfire she had lit upon their return.

Mac was on the sleeping bag in front of the fire when he returned. Harm sat down behind her, his legs stretched out on either side of hers, and encircled her in his arms while she leaned back against his warm comforting chest. "What will happen to him, when you have to go back to Washington?" Harm wanted to know and pointed to Toby. He had already become quite fond of the little Golden Retriever and the bond between the puppy and Mac was quite evident.

It made Harm remember the time her heart went out to another dog, Jingo. She had adopted the old guy in order to save him from extinction after he could no longer perform his drug sniffing duties. She always felt responsible for him losing his ‘job’, seeing as how it was related to a case she was working on. He had to smile when he thought about how the big bad marine could be such a softy.

“Martha asked me if I would like to take him home with me. He is so adorable, and we get along so well that I didn’t even have to think twice about it, and said I would love to keep him.”

Harm nuzzled her neck with his nose, inhaling her unique sweet scent and placed butterfly kisses on every bare inch of her skin he could reach. "That's great. I guess that means you guys are a package deal, huh?" He said with a smile nibbling on her ear as Mac moaned in response.

"Yeah, that's not a problem, is it?" Mac asked before she slowly turned around and seductively climbed into his lap straddling his legs. "I hope it’s okay with you,” Mac whispered before she gave him a tender kiss on his lips.

"It's more than okay, Sarah. I want to have the both of you in my life; I want to share my life with you and Toby," Harm told her huskily. He took her face in his palms, kissed her sweetly and gently lay back down on the sleeping bag and took her with him. "I'll just have to renovate my apartment a little bit though."

Mac placed her hands next to Harm's head so she could look into his beautiful blue-green eyes.

"Why do you need to renovate your apartment?" Mac asked a little confused.

"I want you and Toby to be over quite often and as you know, my apartment doesn't have any doors," Harm started to explain. While they spoke, his hands didn’t remain idle; they drifted down her back and came to rest on her butt and he pressed her firmly against his now visible desire for her. "I'm not sure taking him for a walk will always be possible to tire him out.” Harm smirked and squeezed Mac's behind even tighter to him.

"Good point," was all Mac could say before Harm sat up slightly and quickly flipped them over so that he was now on top of her.

"Is this okay?" Harm asked worried. "The ground is pretty hard, so when you start to feel uncomfortable we can flip over again."

The words she had spoken in Paraguay crept into her thoughts, but she was quick to dispel them because she knew they no longer had any bearing because who was on top was not important, they could definitely take turns being on top as long as they were together. Neither one was superior… their relationship was solid, and they would always be equals in life and in love.

"You worry too much, Sailor. Only taking off our clothes could make this even more comfortable than it already is," Mac told Harm greedily while her eyes darkened with desire. She grabbed his head and pulled his face to her mouth and kissed him passionately as her tongue traced the seam of his mouth, begging for entrance.

Harm opened his mouth and their tongues started the now familiar dance. Her hands drifted down his muscular back, grasped his buttocks, pulled him hard against her and wrapped one of her legs around his hip. When the need for air broke their kiss, Harm started to kiss her forehead, cheeks, and eyelids before giving her another passionate one on her full lips. When she looked deeply into his eyes she saw all the love, desire and passion between them reflecting back at her.

"I want to make love to you," Harm whispered into her ear before he took her earlobe between his teeth and sucked on it. She was quickly becoming putty in his hands.

"Yes." Mac moaned unable to say more. Harm moved his kisses down her neck as his right hand began to unbutton her shirt. With each undone button he leaned in to kiss and lick the newly exposed skin. When the last button was open, Harm circled her belly button with his tongue before he gave Mac a hand to help her up. As soon as she sat in front of him, Harm pushed her shirt off her shoulders and Mac took it off. He ran his hands up her bare arms to her back and unhooked her bra, slowly pushing it off her body while he gently kissed her collarbone.

He gently laid her back on the sleeping bag and followed her down to kiss her sweet lips tenderly. Mac's hands traveled down his back, reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it out of his jeans. Immediately her fingers found their way under his shirt to feel his smooth skin under her soft fingertips. Harm's fingers were just as busy massaging her ample breasts.

When the need for oxygen made them break their kiss again, Harm kissed his way down to the waistband of her jeans. His fingers undid the button at the top and quickly unzipped them. Mac raised her hips a little to permit him to take them off. He slowly removed them and kissed every inch of new skin that was revealed with open-mouth-kisses. Mac had thankfully taken off her boots and socks earlier, so Harm was able to make quick work of taking the jeans off of her. Kneeling down between Mac's legs, he slowly unbuttoned his shirt without breaking their gaze.

"Enjoying the show, Jarhead?" Harm chuckled when he observed Mac licking her lips following every move of his fingers with lustful eyes.

"Oh yeah Squid, don't stop on my account. Yesterday it was way too dark to enjoy watching you strip it down,” Mac answered gutturally with a sexy smile.

Harm’s thoughts immediately returned to another time when she had used those exact words, but in a totally different context and couldn’t help but smile and wonder what had taken them so long to consummate the foreplay that had been going on between them for years.

He was quickly brought out of his musing when Mac started tugging on his shirt trying to remove it from his shoulders.

As soon as the shirt was off of his shoulders, Harm was back in Mac's waiting arms, giving her a kiss full of desire. They both groaned when bare skin touched bare skin. His tongue ran along her lips, getting further when hers parted and he was able to indulge in the warm wonders of her mouth as their tongues dueled. Mac began to lightly run her soft fingertips down his chest and abdomen. She enjoyed the feeling of his hard muscles and chest hair underneath her roving fingers.

She broke their kiss to place tiny butterfly kisses on his throat and neck. Her reward was another deep groan from Harm. Her fingers made quick work at unbuttoning his jeans before her hands made their way to Harm's backside and inside his jeans to grasp his tight buttocks. She crushed his solid body even more tightly against hers.

"Mmmmhh, I didn't know you liked to go commando, Sailor," Mac purred into Harm's ear before she licked and nibbled on it.

"I've never tried it before, but for some reason my boxer briefs were not dry this morning, so I couldn't wear them. And I'm pretty sure your panties don't fit me, Jarhead," Harm said with a gravelly voice and gave Mac a hungry kiss.

"Oops, I guess I forgot to put the boxer briefs in the dryer with the rest of your clothes," Mac answered when they broke their kiss trying to sound totally innocent. She had to give up when she couldn't stop giggling.

"And now enough talk, take off your pants, so you can make love to me, Commander," Mac commanded as soon as her giggles calmed.

"Aye, aye, Ma'am," Harm answered with a smirk standing up. He first took of his boots and socks before he finally, ever so slowly, removed his jeans, so she could enjoy his strip a little longer. As soon as his clothes were discarded he reverently knelt down between Mac's legs kissing and licking her belly button gently while Mac's fingers ran through his hair near the back of his neck.

Mac couldn't stop the moan when Harm's fingers teased her through the fabric of her panties before his thumbs hooked into the sides of them to pull them slowly down while kissing her well toned long legs.

"Have you ever made love under a sky full of stars and the moon?" Harm asked with a husky voice full of desire while he lay on top of her with his chest pressed into hers. He looked deeply into her eyes and tried to find out if the position was in any way uncomfortable for her. The last thing he wanted was for their coupling to hurt her in any way, but all he saw in their depths was the love she felt for him.

"No, but I can say that I once had an explosive experience under a sky full of stars and the moon with the most handsome man in the world," Mac answered softly with a smile and a raised eyebrow. "And now stop worrying about me, Harm. You won't hurt me and you never could. Please make love to me," Mac said gently and started to caress his back before her hands grasped his buttocks and pulled him even tighter against her.

What followed was a never-ending story of love, passion, desire, and tenderness. They both took their time to caress, touch, kiss, pleasure, and explore each other in every way possible.

It seemed like hours before their foreplay was finally sated by their tender and gentle lovemaking, and their hearts were once again joined in love. They reveled in the freedom they had found together and in the words ‘I love you’ that were now so easy to voice.


*


The Clearing
Near the Anderson's Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
11:38 PM

They now lay enveloped in an exhausted tangle of arms and legs in the sleeping bag, sharing their body heat against the chilly air outside their cocoon. Mac was asleep, her head resting on Harm’s shoulder, but Harm was still awake, unable to find a peaceful sleep. He simply stared lovingly at her sleeping form and just couldn’t seem to close his eyes because he knew that in a few hours he had to leave her and their newfound paradise and go back to Washington.

All he wanted to do was to spend every possible moment taking in her beauty. His thoughts were on the most incredible weekend of his life and he hoped that they could take their 'freedom' with them back home to Washington. He didn't know what the future would bring them, but he knew they would face any and all challenges together. They would conquer all obstacles in their way. He just knew it.

"I love you, Sarah," Harm whispered placing a kiss on Mac's head.

"I love you too, Harm," Mac answered quietly surprising him, since he hadn't known she was awake. She took her head from his shoulder and lay down on her back. "Come here," Mac said and took Harm in her arms so he could lay his head on her chest. "You have to try and get some sleep, Harm. You have over a seven hour ride on your bike tomorrow and you need to be rested,” Mac continued worriedly while stroking his head. "Everything will be okay, Harm. Don't worry, we'll get through it."

"I know," Harm answered quietly and snuggled even closer to her warmth. "I'll miss you," Harm continued and placed a little kiss near her heart. He finally closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately in the comfort of her arms listening to the beat of her heart.

"I'll miss you too," Mac whispered when she felt Harm fall asleep.

Mac thought back to their talk on their way back from the tree to the clearing. Mac had offered to leave for Washington this Sunday as well, but Harm told her she should take her time and enjoy this peaceful place a little bit more. He would have to work on his new big case the whole week, so they wouldn't have much time to be together anyway. She knew he was right and that she needed a little bit more time to come to terms with the events that had taken place during the past year of her life.

"Everything will be alright," Mac whispered as she kissed the top of his head and held Harm even closer to her before closing her eyes and falling asleep as well.

*

May 30, 2004
The Clearing
Near the Anderson’s Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
8:23 AM

The minute Harm woke up, even before he opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong… something was missing. The warmth that surrounded him all night was gone. The only heat he felt was located near his left shoulder. Harm slowly opened his eyes and looked down to see Toby sleeping quite comfortably snuggled up right next to him in that special place that Mac had previously occupied.

‘Great. This is the second time in a row that I fall asleep with the most beautiful woman in the world in my arms, and wake up with a furry four legged creature cuddled up right next to me,’ Harm thought smirking while shaking his head “Now where is your Mommy this time, buddy?” Harm asked Toby with a whisper, not really wanting to wake him up.

When he looked around in search of Mac, he could see that Scout was no longer in the same spot they had left him in yesterday. Moreover, right next to their sleeping place, he found a bag with a thermos full of hot fresh coffee plus a few bagels and strawberries. ‘Hmmm, I guess someone was hungry, what else is new,’ Harm mused and kept looking around. ‘Now where is my Marine?’

Harm slowly got out of the sleeping bag, so he wouldn’t disturb Toby’s sleep. Looking around he found his jeans and started to get dressed.

When his eyes finally caught sight of her, he stood there in front of the pond totally mesmerized. “Wow,” was the only coherent word Harm could utter as he let go of his jeans, dropping them to the ground. “I’ve died and gone to heaven,” Harm murmured. “And I thought the scene at the lake yesterday was absolutely breathtaking.”

On the other side of the pond, right in front of him, stood Mac under the waterfall. Her back was to him and her head was thrown back as she enjoyed the clear water that was soothingly running over her naked body. Thanks to her position, she had no idea that Harm was awake. With a gleam in his eyes, Harm quietly moved into the pond and swam ever so quietly over to the object of his desire. He moved through the water with the stealth silence of a SEAL ready to attack the enemy. As soon as he reached the rock wall, he silently moved out of the water and tiptoed towards Mac.

He came up behind her. “Good morning, Sarah,” Harm whispered hoarsely in her ear. She jerked forward startled, but his arms instantly circled her waist drawing her back to him and his hands began stroking her belly. Harm nuzzled her neck sweetly before he slowly turned her around to face him.

“Mmmm, now it is,” Mac said with a seductive voice and kissed Harm passionately savoring his warmth. She ran her tongue along his hungry lips, getting further when his lips parted. Mac started to moan when Harm placed open-mouth-kisses along her neck. “Good morning to you too, Sailor,” Mac moaned. Thinking how she really could get used to greetings like that.

Harm twirled his fingers in her long hair and gave her a kiss full of desire and passion. Mac’s hands traveled down his back, enjoying the way his muscles danced under her soft fingertips. She grasped his buttocks tightly and crushed his solid body provocatively against hers. She rocked her hips slightly against him, enticing a moan. Whether it came from him or from her, she didn’t know nor did she care.

When the need for air broke their kiss, Harm started to lick and kiss his way down from her throat to her navel. The sensations that Mac felt through her body from his ministrations caused her head to rock back with delight. Harm’s hands squeezed her butt before his mouth found its way back to hers.

It was a kiss full of hunger and Harm’s hands once again grasped Mac’s buttocks slowly lifting her up. Mac wrapped her legs around his waist and hooked her ankles together, keeping herself pressed against him intimately. Their arousal escalated from the close contact, making them both groan. Harm carried Mac to the rock wall behind the waterfall and leaned her gently against it.

He first kissed her lips gently and then started to kiss, lick, and nibble her ear, neck, and collarbone. Mac took Harm’s face into her palms and looked deeply in his eyes. She kissed him with all the love she had for him before she broke it. She nodded to the silent question she read in Harm’s eyes. She wanted this as much as he did and let him know that he would not and could not hurt her.

Though their lovemaking was powerful, it was still just as gentle and tender as their previous lovemaking episodes in the newly found sexual relationship that they shared. When their familiar dance was over, they spent a lot of time caressing and kissing each other until the growl of Mac’s stomach broke their embrace and made Harm and Mac laugh.

“I guess it’s time for breakfast,” Harm softly said and licked Mac’s right ear before he softly sucked her earlobe into his mouth, making her moan. “Hmm… I do believe your stomach is dictated by that internal clock of yours,” Harm teased.

“Yeah,” Mac agreed and groaned when they broke apart.

“You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Harm worried when he heard her groan.

“Harm, I told you yesterday you could never and would never hurt me. If I ever feel uncomfortable, I promise I’ll tell you. But please believe me when I tell you that what we just shared was every bit as exciting and as wonderful as our other times, and God knows I hope there will be many more times like this,” Mac told him with a genuine smile placing a soft kiss on his lips while swatting his six. "Now let’s go, I’m starving.”

Mac started to walk through the waterfall, but Harm caught her hand. He took her back into his arms and gave her another long kiss. “I love you so much, Sarah MacKenzie. Thanks for making me feel free,” Harm told her with a smile and Mac just smiled back and tugged on his arm.

Together they swam back to their roost where Toby was still sleeping soundly like a little baby in their sleeping bag. They dried each other off with the towel Mac got from Martha when she had ridden down to get some breakfast for her and Harm.

”What time did you get up this morning?” Harm asked curiously while he started to get dressed. He laughed when Mac handed him his now dried boxer briefs. “You’re sneaky, Marine.”

“I do my best,” Mac replied with a roguish grin on her face. “I woke up around six. I thought I would ride Scout at a gallop and it worked just fine. It didn’t take long to get us some breakfast at Martha’s. I even had enough time to walk to the cabin so I could get your boxer briefs. After all, we can’t have you going around commando now can we,” she told him with a wink while she got dressed.

For the next thirty minutes, they sat and enjoyed their breakfast immensely. They fed each other ripe juicy strawberries, licking the sweet juices from each other’s lips, as they kissed in between bites. When Toby finally woke up they both started to feed him some of the sausage Martha had given Mac specifically for the Golden Retriever. He always gave at least one ‘woof’ for a piece of food and a ‘wet thank you kiss’ in return.

Around ten o’clock Mac knew it was time for them to head back. They started to pack up their roost and prepare for the ride back. Thankfully, they didn’t have time to think about the sad moment that lay ahead, as Toby did a great job of distracting them. He played with them and his crazy antics brought laughter from both Harm and Mac.

On their ride back they sat on Scout just like they had on their ride to the clearing. Mac sat in front of Harm while Toby sat in her lap. The only difference this time was that Harm had the reins in his hands. Just as Mac had not wanted to end their ride into the clearing, it was now Harm’s turn to make a huge detour. It bought them at least forty more minutes to be together until they finally reached the Anderson’s farm.


*


Anderson’s Farm
Brattleboro, Vermont
11:38 AM

They brought Scout back to the stable and were now standing in front of Harm’s motorcycle.

“I guess this is it,” Mac said sadly while Harm held her in his arms.

Harm drew back a little so he could look into her eyes that were emitting so many emotions. “Hey, it’s only for a week. It will be over before you know it,” Harm told her with a smile, trying his best to sound self-assured. He didn’t want to leave her in a sad mood. He knew this week would be over before either of them knew it. At least that was what he was hoping.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t drive back to Washington today as well?” Mac asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. The Thomsen case won’t allow very much time to enjoy having you around and it wouldn’t be fair to you. You should use this week to stay here, relax and have fun. Moreover, I bet Toby would like to have another week here as well. Don’t worry, Marine. We’ll be together again very soon and then....” Harm stopped to kiss her passionately.

“And then we’ll make our own paradise in Washington and we’ll feel free,” Mac continued Harm’s sentence when they broke their kiss.

“Oh, for sure we will,” Harm answered, giving her the flyboy grin she loved so much. In return, he was rewarded with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen from her.

“Drive carefully and please call me when you get home. If you can’t reach me then at least give Martha a message for me, promise?” Mac asked delicately.

“I promise!” Harm answered, giving her one last kiss filled with all the love he had. “I love you, Mac.”

“I love you too, Harm. Now you better go quickly, or I won’t be able to let you,” Mac told him with just a hint of a smile and a tear in her eye.

“I know that feeling,” Harm answered with a glimmer in his eyes, hoping to curtail his own tears from falling.

Harm got down on his knee right in front of Toby. “And you, buddy… you take good care of your Mommy. You hear me? She is the most important person in my life and I know she’s yours as well. I can count on you, can’t I?” Harm asked the puppy rubbing his ears.

“Woof woof,” and a few wet licks were the answer he got from the Golden Retriever.

“Good boy,” Harm said with a chuckle before he took Mac back into his arms.

“See you soon, Marine,” Harm said. He gave her another soft kiss on her lips and wiped away the tear that started to run down her cheek. Then he let go of her to put his helmet on and started the engine.

“See you soon,” Mac answered and waved one last time before Harm drove out of the driveway on his way back to DC.


*


Mac couldn’t keep her eyes from the driveway and his retreating form. She thought about the decision she made earlier in the morning while she watched Harm sleep and when she rode to get breakfast. She knew what she had to do. She owed it to herself just as much as she owed it to Harm. She needed to do it in order to assure them a stabile and happy future. It was the first time she felt free to accept this option. It was the first time she even wanted to use the option.

A whimper from Toby finally brought her out of her thoughts. When she looked down at him she could swear she saw a look of sadness in his eyes and she was sure she mirrored the same look. She got down on her knees and started to pat him gently and rub his ears.

“I know you’re missing him, Toby. I’m missing him, too,” she told the Golden Retriever softly.

“Woof,” was Toby’s answer followed by a slobbery kiss that broke the tension and made Mac giggle.

“Come on, I have to make a phone call,” Mac told the puppy and together they walked into the house to make one of the most important phone calls of her life.


*


Anderson’s Farm
The Main House
Brattleboro, Vermont
11:49 AM

“Hello, Sarah. I assume that was Harm who just drove off?” Martha asked Mac when she walked into the kitchen. Martha looked up from the counter and stared intently at Mac. “You don’t have to answer that Sarah, because it is clearly written in the depths of your eyes,” was Martha’s heartfelt response.

Martha walked over to Mac and gave her a much needed motherly hug.

“This is crazy. He’s just gone for two minutes and I already miss him terribly,” Mac choked out with a laugh that sounded more like a sob.

“It’s not crazy, Sarah. It’s called being in love,” Martha told her softly when she broke their embrace. Mac’s only answer was a warm smile and a nod.

“Martha, can I use your phone for a long-distance call? I have to make an important call and I’ve left my cell phone in the cabin.”

“Of course you can. You know where to find it,” Martha answered getting back to her work.

“Thanks,” Mac said and walked into the living room. She pulled a business card out of her pocket and dialed the phone number on it. She knew she would get the answering service on a Sunday, but didn’t care. She just had to make this call.

{“Bethesda. This is the office of Lt. Cmdr. McCool. How may I help you?” A female voice asked on the other side.}

Mac took a deep breath. She was surprised when the doctor herself picked up instead of the answering service. ‘Guess I’m not the only one who likes to work on a peaceful Sunday,’ Mac thought.

“This is Lieutenant Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. I would like to make an appointment,” Mac said, sensitively closing her eyes for a second. She was happy she had mustered the courage to take another big step in her ongoing journey to feeling free and being Sarah MacKenzie again.

*

May 30, 2004
Anderson's Farm
The Cottage
Brattleboro, Vermont
2:23 PM

Mac and Toby had lunch with the Anderson’s and were now back at the cottage. On their way back it had started to rain lightly. The occasional burst of vivid lightning in the fast moving purplish clouds followed by the faint rumbling of thunder made it obvious that a thunderstorm would soon be upon them.

Mac let her eyes wander to the window. She wistfully watched the raindrops run down the windowpane as another bolt of lightning illuminated the otherwise dark sky. ‘This would be so utterly romantic, if I wasn't alone here in the cottage with just my four legged friend. I hope Harm was spared this nasty weather on his drive back,’ Mac thought, closing her eyes and sighing. ‘Harm.’

The walk and swim in the lake she had planned earlier were definitely not going to happen today. Only Toby's needs could get them out of the cottage in this weather. Mac lay on the bed with Toby right next to her. She rubbed his ears and read her new book 'Without Remorse' by Tom Clancy.

She could have read a romantic novel, but the last thing she needed right now was reading about a steamy romance. It would only cause her to miss him even more, if that was even possible.

Mac tried to concentrate on her novel, but she couldn't help noticing the look Toby kept giving her, and it had nothing to do with the thunderstorm since she knew that the puppy wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

At the first clap of thunder, he’d quickly run under the bed with a yelp. Mac somehow was able to make the little guy see that there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. So after a while he meandered from under the bed and once again joined his master on the soft comforter, his eagle eyes watching her intently.

But Toby’s big sad eyes weren’t giving her the ‘I’m scared of the thunder’-look anymore. No, it was more like the ‘I’m missing him’-look accompanied by a whine whenever she looked at him.

Sighing, Mac closed her book with determination and looked at Toby. "This is not what we want, is it?"

"Woof."

"Yeah, I thought so," Mac murmured as she got up from the bed. Toby watched her every move as she got a few things out of the bathroom and put them into a bag. Then he followed her in the main room to watch her grab a few other things.

When she finished her work, happy with her decision, she searched the rooms one last time. With a glint in her eyes and a smile on her face she looked back at Toby, who was once more lying on the bed. "What would you say about a ride in my corvette, Mr. Toby?"

Mac then sat next to Toby on the bed, pointed her index finger at him, looked him straight in the eye, using her best drill sergeant voice and began. “Before we go, we need to have a little chat. I’m happy to be taking you back to DC with me, but we need to lay down some ground rules. You have to remember that I’M the boss. I will accept nothing but your perfect behavior… do you understand? There will be no chewing on the seats of my car, or on my furniture and most of all not on my shoes. You got that? You will come when I say come, and you will go when I say go. You will take care of business outside when we go for walks and not in my apartment. You abide by all of the above and we will be just fine. Are you getting all this, mister? I certainly hope so, or else you will be back here so fast..,” Mac inhaled deeply ending her tirade, and reached out to pet a now anxious Toby who sat patiently in front of her.

"Woof, woof," was the prompt response she got from a very excited Golden Retriever. It seemed like he knew exactly what was in store for them.

Mac shook her head in delight and laughed while rubbing his ears. “I’m glad we’re in agreement,” Mac responded. "Well then, let's get going."

Her little friend didn't need to hear that twice. He jumped from the bed and ran right to the door. To see him so impatient and eager to go made Mac laugh even more. “You got that right, Toby. You got that damn right.”


*


Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
8:03 PM

"Home, sweet home," Harm muttered when he opened the door to his apartment.

He had made better time on his drive back home than he had on his drive up to Vermont. The main reason had been the upcoming storm behind him. The last thing he needed was to be driving his motorcycle through a thunderstorm. He also had made fewer stops in between and was lucky to ward off the storm until he had reached DC so that he didn’t have to drive too far in the soaking rain.

The first thing that caught his attention when he entered his apartment was the red light that blinked on his answering machine. Harm took off his drenched jacket, walked over and hit the play button. "You have three new messages."

The first message was from Harriet and Little AJ. They were inviting him to Little AJ's birthday party, which would take place next Saturday because AJ had come down with the flu on his birthday and couldn't celebrate then as originally planned. 'Saturday,' Harm thought with a smile. He knew Mac would be home by then and that she would never miss one of AJ's birthday parties.

The second message was from Sturgis. Varise was still out of town and Sturgis wanted Harm to join him in a basketball game. During one of his breaks on the drive back, Harm checked his voicemail to hear three messages form Sturgis. He remembered thinking ‘poor Sturgis totally lost and bored without Varise,’ and couldn’t wait to tease him about it.

Harm had to laugh over the last message he heard earlier. Sturgis was very curious about his whereabouts, and he would make sure to find out on Monday who the woman was that was making his friend one lucky man. "Oh if only you knew, buddy. If only you knew." Harm chortled, thinking about his curious friend.

When the third message started to play, Harm stopped laughing and turned somewhat somber.

"Hey Harm, it's Mattie. Dad and I just finished breakfast and we're on our way out to take part in a Mountain Bike tour through the Valley. I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay and we're having a lot of fun. Most of all I wanted to tell you that I miss you, Harm. I wish you were here with us. But hey, maybe next time. Perhaps, Mac could come too? I'm sure you two would like it here. It's so beautiful. Well, I have to go, Harm. Dad's waiting. I'll see you soon. Love ya, bye."

"You have no more new messages," brought Harm out of the trance that Mattie’s message had put him in. He had a weird feeling. On the one hand, he was happy to hear Mattie’s voice. She sounded so excited and happy about spending time with her father.

Nevertheless, on the other hand it made him sad as well. It once again gave him the feeling that he would eventually lose her. However, Mattie did tell him she missed him and that only served to reinforce Mac’s statement when she said he would never lose Mattie completely.

Harm took a deep breath and looked down at himself. "Well, I should get out of these wet clothes, take a shower and make some dinner. I need to work on the case anyway or Bud will have my six when we meet in court next week," Harm said aloud before he walked into his bedroom shedding the soaked clothes that had left a wet trail of rainwater through his apartment. He was looking forward to a nice long hot shower.


*


May 31, 2004
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
0:03 AM

It was a little after midnight and Harm was blurry eyed and exhausted. He just wanted to curl up in bed and get some much needed sleep. He had spent the last few hours working on his case by candlelight. His ‘torture’ had begun with a loud bang from outside shortly after he had finished his shower and was preparing his dinner.

The electricity in his apartment went off, and apparently the whole area was in darkness as well. It still wasn't back on a few hours later and Harm had to work by candlelight. 'It would be romantic, if I wasn't sitting here alone preparing a case,' Harm thought with a sigh while the thunderstorm continued to rage outside.

He had to forgo his dinner and was forced to search through his fridge. He did find three yogurts and a banana. Not what he wanted, but it would have to do. It wasn't the loss of his home cooked dinner that bothered him, it was the fact that he couldn’t use his home phone to call Mac.

Sometimes cordless phones were a pain, especially when power was out, like now. The happiness about having at least his cell phone was gone in a heartbeat when Harm noticed the low battery flashing on his phone and he had no way of charging it. 'Could this day possibly get any worse,’ was the thought that kept coming back to Harm throughout the evening. Looking down at the case that had been his company for the evening he got his answer. No. Absolutely… positively… definitely… a great big NO.

"This is pointless," Harm muttered defeated closing the folder that contained the case. 'Maybe in the morning everything will look better.' He had to laugh at that thought. "Well, with the case anyway… I hope."

Harm put the folder and the notes he made into his briefcase. He blew out the candles and made his way to the bathroom to get ready for the night. After brushing his teeth, he exited the bathroom and started to get undressed.

Clad in only his white boxer briefs Harm made his way over to the bed when a familiar sound made him stop dead in his tracks. "Harm, you are pathetic and apparently hearing things," he muttered to himself as he shook his head and started to move again.

The moment he sat down on his bed, he heard it again and this time it was loud and clear.

'Woof.'

"It can't be," Harm thought aloud.

'Woof, woof.'

This time it was even louder and mixed with a noise, which sounded like someone was scratching on his door.

'Woof.'

'Woof, woof.'

In one swift motion Harm was out of his bed sprinting across his apartment to tear open his door.

"Woof, woof."

"Toby, what are you doing here?" Harm asked the Golden Retriever as he got down on his knees to address the puppy. Toby was standing on his back paws and his front paws were against Harm's chest wagging his tail, obviously happy to see Harm again.

"Woof, woof."

Harm had to chuckle when Toby gave him a slobbery kiss on his left cheek.

"Where is your Mommy, buddy?" Harm asked curious, since he couldn't see Mac anywhere.

"She's right here," came the soft and somewhat breathless answer from the stairway. "He apparently couldn't wait for me and found your apartment on his own. Don't ask me how he did that though."

"Woof."

Harm slowly got up from his knees unable to take his eyes off her.

Toby seemed to sense that he was in the way and walked inside Harm's apartment to inspect the new and interesting place.

'She's here. She's really here and she looks like an angel,' Harm thought and slowly moved to Mac. "You look like an angel," Harm whispered his thought.

"I'm drenched from head to toe," Mac whispered back meeting Harm halfway while attempting to blow her wet bangs off of her forehead.

"Then you are the most beautiful soaked angel I've ever seen," Harm said softly and took her head in his palms and gave her a long tender kiss.

When they broke their kiss, they both looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

"We better go in, before we wake up Coates and you give her a show," Mac told Harm with a smile.

"Huh?"

"You do know you opened the door wearing only your boxer briefs, don’t you?" Mac asked tenderly as her hand lingered on his waist clutching the band of his boxer briefs, playfully pulling on it letting it slap back against his body. She couldn't hold back her giggle. "Please tell me you don't normally walk out into the hallway that way. But damn sailor, you are one sexy squid."

Harm always enjoyed seeing her playful side, which had sadly disappeared for awhile and was now finally re-emerging.

Looking intensely at Harm, she launched herself into his waiting arms. At that moment, she didn't care that she was soaked and resembled a drowned rat. All she cared about was kissing him passionately. Together they walked into his apartment, never breaking their kiss.

When the need for oxygen made them break apart, Mac got serious again. "I'm sorry if Toby woke you up. My plan was to sneak in so we wouldn't disturb you," Mac said innocently as they fell onto the couch. Mac landed on Harm's lap and he held her to him not caring that her clothes were all wet.

"Don't be sorry. I would have been terribly disappointed if you had let me sleep through your arrival. I missed you, Sarah," Harm told her gently and gave her another long kiss. He had to break the kiss when he yawned. "Sorry."

"I missed you too, Harm, and don't be sorry. We can talk more tomorrow when you come home from work," Mac told him gently. She then stood up from his lap and took her wet jacket off. She took his hand and helped him up from the couch. "Come on, Sailor. You need your sleep, and I'm tired from the long drive through the rain. We both need some shut-eye," Mac said with a yawn of her own and together they walked to his bedroom.

"You'll stay, right? Toby has already made himself comfortable, so I’m hoping the answer is yes," Harm said looking at Toby, who was already sound asleep at the end of his bed.

"That was the plan, yes," Mac answered quietly.

“Mac.”

“Yeah.”

“It is okay for Toby to be sleeping on my bed isn’t it… I… I mean he won’t do anything, will he?” Harm asked.

“Harm, I already read him the riot act before we left Vermont. He knows who the boss is and what he is supposed and not supposed to do,” Mac replied with a wink.

“Okay, just asking,” Harm responded with a smile.

Harm disappeared in the bathroom thinking ‘boy I must really be in love with Mac and even with Toby to be letting him sleep on my bed. I always knew I wanted Mac to share my bed some day, but I never thought I’d see the day when I’d let a dog share it too.’ He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror musing ‘you sure got it bad.’ But he knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Harm returned with a towel. "Here, you look like you could use one of these. I'm sorry that you can't take a hot shower, but the power is still out and it's still lightning out there. How come you're soaked from head to toe anyway?" Harm curiously asked as he helped Mac dry off.

"Toby needed a walk so we did that before we came up here. Do you have a t-shirt I could wear?" Mac asked Harm when she finished drying her hair.

"And why do you need a t-shirt?" Harm asked huskily and started to unbutton her shirt.

"You really don't need an answer, do you?” Mac replied moaning when Harm dropped her shirt to the floor and proceeded to kiss and lick the valley between her breasts. She knew sleeping naked next to Harm would mean no sleeping at all and they both needed sleep badly.

"Top left drawer," Harm answered as he started to kiss his way from her breasts down to the waistband of her jeans. He then started to unbutton them, while Mac took off her boots and socks. When her jeans were off Harm gave Mac another sweet kiss on her lips before he let go of her. He left her to change into his t-shirt as he made his way to the bathroom again.

When Harm came out, Mac had already changed into the t-shirt. Harm laughed when he saw her model for him. She had chosen one of his 'Property of the NAVY'-shirts.

"Does it mean you ARE mine?" Harm asked Mac softly, taking her head in his palms so he could give her another gentle kiss.

"Always and forever," Mac answered kissing him with all the love she had for him.

Harm couldn't stop the moan when Mac's hands found their way to his boxer briefs. They teased him through the fabric, before her thumbs hooked into the sides of them pulling them down slowly.

"I got you all wet, Harm. You should change into some dry boxers. We don't want you to get a cold," Mac said with a seductive voice. She licked his right ear before sucking his earlobe into her mouth, making him moan.

Harm's hand was just as eager finding its way under the large shirt, wanting to tease her through the fabric of her panties as well. "Mac, where are your panties?" Harm croaked finding himself getting more aroused than he already was.

"They were wet, so I had to get out of them." Mac smirked.

Harm let go of Mac with a groan so he could get changed and attempt to get himself under control again. Mac chuckled as she watched Harm turn around and walk to his dresser. She watched as he pulled a dry pair of boxer briefs over his taut bottom. She turned around and smiled as she walked into the bathroom.

"I put a toothbrush out for you," Harm called after her when he walked to his bed and got under the covers. He was extra careful so he wouldn't disturb Toby's sleep. "Where is your bag, Mac?" Harm hollered and quickly chastised himself for speaking so loudly. He quickly looked down and exhaled when he saw Toby hadn't woken up.

"It's still in the car," Mac answered when she came out of the bathroom again. "I had to chase after Toby when I opened the car door. Then he ran through the open door downstairs and up the stairway to your apartment, so I forgot all about my bag. I'll get it tomorrow. Oh, and I hung my soaked clothes on the towel bar, hope that's okay," Mac told him as she walked to the bed.

"No problem. My dryer is your dryer, you can use it for your clothes tomorrow," Harm said and lifted up the covers. Mac quickly slipped under them and right into his arms. She immediately received a delicate kiss before she turned to lie on her side and Harm spooned up against her back, holding her tightly to him.

"I love you, Sarah. Goodnight, Angel," Harm softly said into her ear, before he kissing it gently and closing his eyes.

"I love you, too, Harm. Goodnight, Darling," Mac whispered back and closed her eyes as well.

They both fell asleep immediately with smiles on their faces. They were together and simply feeling free.

*

May 31, 2004
Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
05:43 AM

Harm was wide-awake, feeling like he hadn't slept at all. It wasn't a new feeling for him; however, the reason behind it this time not only worried him, it scared him silly.

It had been a stormy night, but his worry had nothing to do with the thunderstorm that raged outside throughout the night. It had to do with the beautiful woman, who now lay safely asleep in his arms

Around two o'clock Harm woke up because of Mac. She was thrashing around, screaming and murmuring incoherently. Her screams had woken up Toby as well. The scared little guy ran from the room to cower under the couch. The puppy’s reaction didn’t surprise Harm; it just proved how unsettling her screams were. 'Hopefully Coates is a sound sleeper,' was one of the thoughts that had crossed Harm’s mind.

Harm had no idea what the dream was about, or if it was just one dream she had had. He couldn't decipher many of the words Mac had murmured. The only words he was able to grasp were 'weak', 'barren', 'whore', 'Harm,' and 'Clayton Webb'. They all were spoken with more emphasis compared to the rest of her murmuring. He assumed it had to do with Paraguay, but wasn't quite sure. It didn’t matter; Harm was worried about the dream or dreams nonetheless.

What scared him more was the fact that he couldn't get Mac to wake up through the whole ordeal. He had called her name over and over again and even shook her forcefully, but nothing worked to get her out of it. He also thought it was a bit odd that she wasn't soaked with sweat. Harm was glad when she finally calmed down, but he didn’t seem to be the reason for it. He had pulled her into his arms and held on, trying to calm her movements while whispering soothing words in her ear. However, he doubted that his ministrations were what finally settled her down.

Everything was fine now and Mac was peacefully asleep with a smile on her face. 'It's good that she doesn't need to go to work today. I hope she'll be able to sleep for a few more hours,' Harm thought before he slowly got out of bed without disturbing her. Since he couldn't sleep anyway, he figured a walk with Toby would be a good way to clear his head.

After he got dressed, Harm wrote a brief note for Mac, so she would know where he and Toby were if she woke up. Then he made his way to the living room where Toby was asleep on the couch. 'At least he's not sleeping under the couch anymore,' Harm thought, as he quietly walked over to the little puppy and gently woke him up.

"Hey buddy, come on, it's time for a little walk," Harm whispered with his finger in front of his mouth as a signal to Toby that they needed to be quiet. The Golden Retriever seemed to understand and got up from the couch to walk with Harm out of the apartment.


*


Harm's Apartment
North of Union Station
06:27 AM

Harm and Toby were back from their long walk and Harm opened his apartment door as quietly as possible. It was a big quest since both of his hands were full. One bag was full of items from the grocery store in order to fill his empty fridge. The second bag was definitely heavier, containing dog food for Toby purchased at the gas station around the corner. And the most important bag, at least as far as Mac would be concerned, contained fresh croissants from the bakery for breakfast.

Harm placed the bags on the counter and pondered his ingenious shopping plan. He knew the gas station would be open and he could get some dog food there. He knew that he couldn't walk into the grocery story, bakery, or even the gas station with Toby in tow so he had planned to charm his way through the shops. He couldn't leave Toby alone outside the shops, especially without a leash.

'Great plan, Rabb. The only one who charmed his way through it all was Toby himself. The women didn't even notice you. That little one is a lady- killer,' Harm thought, shaking his head. He was beyond amazed at all the attention one little puppy could draw.

‘I’m sure Mac is going to get a kick out of this one’, Harm mused. ‘She’s always telling me how I can turn on the charisma and get anything I want just by flashing my so-called flyboy grin… well not anymore. At least not when I’m with Toby, it’s obvious that I’m going to have to settle for being second fiddle because he is definitely a show stealer, being the little charmer that he is’. Harm had been totally amused with Toby’s antics and the way everyone fawned over him.

Pointing his finger, he knelt down and looked Toby right in the eye. “You have it all figured out don’t you little guy? And Mac thinks she has you right where she wants you… yeah, right…. I think you have her so totally wrapped around your little paws that she melts every time you look at her with those big brown eyes of yours. That’s okay buddy, your secret is safe with me. We will just let her keep thinking that she is the big bad marine,” Harm said with a wink as he scratched Toby behind the ears.

“Woof, woof,” was Toby’s exuberant response, glad that this second round of interrogation was over and that his secret was safe with Harm.

When he got the dog food from the gas station, he saw a dog collar and leash, in marine green of course, and took a chance that it would fit Toby and bought it as well. With a leash, he and Mac could walk with Toby without having to carry him most of the time.

Toby didn't seem to mind the leash, since he had already figured out that when he was tired or just didn't want to walk anymore, he could sit down and wait until he got picked up and the leash would be removed. He had already tried it earlier, and it worked perfectly.

Harm put the items from the grocery store in the fridge, the dog food in the cabinet and the fresh croissants on the counter before he walked back to the door closing it quietly.

Together, Toby and Harm walked into the bedroom and found Mac still asleep. Toby jumped gently on the bed and looked worriedly at his mistress before he looked at Harm, who gave him a nod. Toby then found a place right next to Mac where he could protect her and laid down. Meanwhile, Harm walked to the bathroom to get ready for work and hoped he wouldn't wake Mac up in progress.

When he stepped out of the shower, he checked on her just to see that she was still out of it. Surprisingly, she was still asleep even after he had gotten dressed. “Goodbye, Sarah," Harm whispered and kissed her forehead.

"Hmmm… Harm?" Mac murmured groggily, opening one eye to look at him. She was still more asleep than awake.

"Yeah, sleepyhead. I have to go to work now. I already took a walk with Toby so he is all set for a while. He's lying right next to you. We bought some croissants and I made coffee. Now close your eyes again and go back to sleep, Mac. Sleep tight, Angel," Harm said quietly and kissed her forehead once more.

"'kay… love you," was the only answer he got from Mac before she turned around taking his pillow into her arms, inhaled his unique scent, and fell peacefully asleep again.

Harm chuckled at the scene in front of him, but he knew there was something serious going on behind those beautiful brown eyes of hers, and he made a promise to himself to find out what it was. He hoped Mac would trust him enough to tell him the truth about her nightmares. 'Will she even remember the dream?' Harm wondered.

With one last look at Mac and Toby, he smiled and left the bedroom. He walked into the living room, picked up his briefcase from the floor, snatched his keys from the table, and grabbed a croissant from the counter, then made his way to work.


*


JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA
12:21 PM

Harm walked out of the break room and made his way to his office carrying his sixth cup of coffee that morning. The only good news he had heard so far this morning was that Coates hadn't heard Mac screaming last night. She had spent the night at a friend’s house after a birthday party and wasn't home.

The hope that his new case would somehow look better today had not even come close to happening. "The only thing that could help me here is the proverbial rabbit in the hat trick," Harm muttered when he sat down in his chair.

"The Thomsen case?" Sturgis asked with a raised eyebrow as he stood in the doorway of Harm's office.

"Yeah. I thought it looked bad yesterday, but somehow it looks even worse today," Harm stated running his hand across his forehead. "I didn't think it was even possible."

"You look like hell, buddy. Didn't you get any sleep this weekend?" Sturgis asked with a smirk.

"Don't start, Sturg. I got your messages and won't tell you anything," Harm warned his friend.

"Oh, come on, Harm. You can tell me. I'm your friend. Who is she?" Sturgis asked curiously walking into Harm's office.

"Who's who?" A female voice asked from behind Sturgis causing him to turn around in surprise.

"Colonel, what are you doing here? I thought you were away for a little vacation?" Sturgis asked inquisitively as he started adding one and one in his head hoping to come up with two. Could it be? No… were they? Before he could ponder the idea any longer, he was brought out of his reverie at the sound of Mac’s voice.

"That I was, Commander. That I was," Mac answered and smiled. "So, what were you two guys talking about?" Mac asked, even though she had a feeling she already knew what they were talking about. “Anything exciting?”

Harm lost himself in her beauty. She wore a long sleeve white blouse with bleached out jeans and beige thong sandals. Her hair was curled, giving her an angelic look. He could see she went to the hair-dresser that morning, since it was a lot shorter than it had been last night.

"Maybe you can help me out here, Mac. Our dear friend Harm was unreachable over the entire weekend and somehow I have the feeling a woman was involved. I'm just trying to find out who she is," Sturgis explained to Mac.

Mac looked at Harm, who just shook his head. "I can easily answer that question for you, Sturgis," Mac said looking squarely at him. As Mac responded, Harm started squirming in his chair nervously, running his fingers through his hair wondering what she was about to say. She knew that if she looked at Harm, she would start laughing and that would spoil everything, she thought it best to continue looking at Sturgis.

Harm sat there at his desk and looked at her like she was insane for trying to answer the question; it was a rare look but definitely priceless. It was a look that tickled her heart and made her smile.

"Sarah. He spent the weekend with Sarah," Mac answered confidently. "Who else would Harm spend a long weekend with? You should know him by now, Sturg." She continued, then let her eyes wander and winked at a shocked looking Harm.

Harm needed a few seconds before it dawned on him what Mac was doing. 'That sneaky marine,' he thought grinning.

Meanwhile Mac stood there feeling quite pleased with herself, looking like the ‘cat that swallowed the canary’.

"Is Mac right, Harm?" Sturgis asked looking at his friend for confirmation.

"Oh, she's absolutely right, Sturg. I spent the whole weekend with my Sarah," Harm told Sturgis and smiled at Mac, getting a beautiful smile from her in return.

"I should have known," Sturgis murmured. “You and that plane of yours.” He shook his head and started to walk out of Harm's office.

Harm and Mac couldn't hold it back anymore and had to laugh at their confused and slightly upset friend. 'That was way too easy,' both thought at the same time.

“Oh by the way Sturg…. You must have it pretty bad yourself buddy. You left me three messages this weekend… feeling a little lonely and bored without Varise, are we?” Harm chided. He always enjoyed teasing Sturgis, especially when it ruffled his sanctimonious side.

“No way… not me,” Sturgis replied a little bristled. “Just thought you might want to lose some money playing a little basketball buddy, that’s all.”

Harm only shook his head laughing and waved his hand at his buddy. “Yeah… yeah Sturg, tell me another one,” Harm goaded.

Sturgis shook his head grinning and gave a little shrug knowing it was time to leave, and feeling as though he had just missed something important. He exited the office and left Harm and Mac to their giggling.

Harm stood up and closed his office door. The blinds were already closed so he didn't have to wait to take Mac in his arms and give her a long tender kiss.

"Hi, Beautiful," Harm said when they broke their kiss. "You are one sneaky marine, you know that?" Harm chortled.

"Hello, Handsome," Mac said softly. "And I wasn't sneaky; I just told him the truth. It's not my fault Sturgis thought I was talking about your bi-plane."

"True." Harm laughed. "So, tell me. What are you doing here?"

"How would you like to spend some time outside of the office?" Mac asked sweetly.

"Hmm…, sounds like heaven. What do you have in mind?" Harm asked curiously.

"Toby and I've made up a picnic basket, and we would like to go to the park with you for lunch. Are you interested?" Mac asked with a glimmer in her eyes.

"I would love to," Harm told her gently. "Where is Toby?"

"He’s enjoying the leather seats in the car." Mac smirked.

"He's asleep!" Harm said knowing the answer already.

"Yup, but I'm sure he'll wake up as soon as you open the car door." Mac chuckled.

"Okay, just let me put the case away and then we can hit the road," Harm said and walked around his desk to place the case into his desk drawer.

"Great," Mac answered softly. When he returned to her, she looked at his face tracing the dark circles under his eyes with her fingers. She immediately worried. "Harm, are you okay? You look tired."

"Don't worry, Mac. I'm fine," Harm answered with a smile. He could see Mac didn't believe him. 'She knows me too well,' he thought.

"Spit it out, Harm. Something's bothering you," Mac told him a little flustered.

Harm took a deep breath and looked deeply into her apprehensive eyes.

"Mac, do you remember anything from last night?" Harm asked her hesitantly and could see that Mac didn't understand where he was going with this question. "I mean, did you have any problems sleeping last night?" Harm continued.

"No, not that I’m aware of,” Mac answered slightly curious. "What is this about, Harm? Did I hit on you?" She continued and got that beautiful smile she wanted to see from him.

"No. No, you didn't. That I could handle," Harm answered with a grin before he got serious again.

"You had a nightmare, Sarah," Harm told her sincerely taking her hands in his. "You were thrashing around and screaming at the top of your lungs. You scared me." Harm continued softly and caressed Mac's palms with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Harm. I don't remember anything about a nightmare, but that's not unusual, though," Mac told him with a sad tone to her voice.

"So it’s happened before?" Harm wanted to know.

"Everyone has a nightmare once in a while, but I guess we're not talking about a simple nightmare here, are we? Well… if it’s what I think it was about, then yeah, a few times. But I thought it had gotten better,” Mac answered honestly.

"Do you think there is a reason why those dreams are back?" Harm asked concerned.

"I think I know the reason, and that's something I wanted to talk to you about anyway. However, your office is not really the right place for this discussion. Maybe we can talk while we’re having our picnic?"

Mac needed to get it out of her system. She wanted to tell Harm everything and she knew she could count on his strength to help her get through what she knew would be a very difficult topic.

"Great idea," Harm answered softly and kissed her gently. "Just let me tell Coates that I'll be out of the office for a while and then we can go."

Harm gave Mac a long hug before he let go of her. After he made his call to tell Coates about his plans, they left together. Both of them knew they were about to take another big step in their relationship, and they both felt safe and free with each other to be able to handle it.

*

May 31, 2004
Rock Creek Park
5200 Glover Road, NW
Washington, DC 20015
12:54 PM

Harm and Mac walked with their fingers intertwined through the park, enjoying the midday sun and the feeling of just being together. They looked around for the perfect place to picnic, but Toby had everything under control and led them to the perfect spot. The moment he noticed the Rock Creek he started to run like crazy and made the joy of his discovery known with a few audible 'woof's'.

Mac brought a blanket with her in the hope that the morning sun would have dried the ground soaked by the previous night’s rain. She knew the park had picnic benches, but she preferred using a blanket and sitting on the ground and thankfully, the grass was dry enough for her plan.

They sat on the blanket and savored the salad and sandwiches Mac made for them earlier. When she had woken up around nine o'clock, she immediately saw what a beautiful day it was, and that’s when she came up with the idea to surprise Harm with a picnic. After Mac had finished her breakfast, she took Toby and drove to the grocery store near her apartment.

She got a few items she would need for their lunch and to stock up her empty fridge. Thanks to Harm and his idea to buy a leash for Toby, which was a wonderfully thoughtful surprise, she had no problem going to the grocery store with the Golden Retriever. Mac left Toby outside the shop and took care of her shopping. The puppy did not mind at all and even found a new friend, a Beagle named Gonzo. She made a note to herself to thank Harm for his thoughtfulness and especially for picking the marine green leash and collar. After all he was her ‘little marine’.

Toby was a few feet away from them and up to his old tricks. He was staring at his mirror image in the creek and ignoring everything else around him just as he had done in Vermont.

Harm and Mac had to laugh when he made his final move and leaped to attack his antagonist. With a warning 'woof' he jumped right into the creek. Their laughter stopped immediately when he ran out of the water looking like a drowned rat. He pranced right over to them, his little body still drenched. It appeared that he was still a bit startled and even disoriented from his mishap and hadn’t taken the time to shake off his coat before approaching them.

"He won't do it, right?" Harm asked Mac slightly worried and began studying the area around them for his escape route. The last thing he needed today was a dirty uniform. "Toby, stop!" Harm hollered looking back at Mac, but he got no reaction from the puppy that was still bouncing all over the place soaking wet just waiting to make his move.

"The truth?" Mac asked with a raised eyebrow looking amusingly at Harm.

"Yeah," Harm stated nervously, never letting the Golden Retriever out of his sight while his level of worry cranked up a notch.

“Hmmm… I wouldn't bet my money on it," Mac answered dryly trying not to laugh.

However, when she saw Harm jump to his feet ready to run, she couldn't hold back her giggles any longer. The scene unfolding in front of her was just too amusing to stifle her laughter.

Taking pity on Harm, Mac hollered, "SNAP TO!" in her best marine tone and Toby stopped so suddenly in his tracks, he actually slid to a halt. She pointed her finger at the puppy. Toby looked at her, and like a good ‘little marine’, took a few steps away from them. Then with raised ears, he immediately shook the water off his fine coat. The water flew off of him like a fountain spray and covered everything around him in a fine mist of water. When he was done shaking, Toby looked so disheveled that Mac shook her head and laughed at her little guy.

'Like the perfect marine, he knows how to take orders,' Mac thought. However, when she looked over at Harm, she saw that he had also reacted to her order of 'snap to' and was standing there ‘at attention’, being the ‘perfect adorable sailor’ that he was. Mac was laughing so hard that she was actually rolling around on the blanket she had been sitting on.

"You!" Harm said pointing a finger at Mac. "You think that's funny, don't you, Marine?"

"Yeeesss," Mac could barely get out between her fit of laughter. "The way you looked... it, it was hilarious... I'm, I’m sorry... Harm... forgive me?” Mac asked sheepishly still trying to get herself under control.

"Oh, this is war," Harm said. He lunged at her pushing her back against the blanket. He tickled her incessantly until Mac had tears in her eyes and was shaking with glee. "Say uncle, Marine."

"Nnnoooo…never," was the only answer he got out of her as she continued to giggle.

"Say uncle or..." Harm threatened her with a leer and a lick as the tickling stopped.

"Or what?" Mac asked softly and looked deeply into his eyes. Harm melted immediately at the seductive look in her eyes.

"Or I'll kiss the living daylights out of you, Marine," Harm told her tenderly and started to drop his head slowly.

"And here I thought I would have to wait forever. Bring it on, Navy," Mac whispered before her lips met his. What followed was a kiss full of love and tenderness.

"Woof."

Harm and Mac broke their kiss with a groan and together looked with raised eyebrows at Toby. Apparently, the Golden Retriever didn't like to be ignored and wanted them to know it. Harm and Mac chuckled and sat next to each other.

When they smiled at Toby, he took it as permission and lay his little damp body down between them. Toby couldn’t help but think, ‘yeah… this is great. I knew it, they’re just putty in my paws.’

"Our little baby," Harm said softly and looked at Mac while rubbing Toby's still damp ear.

Harm brought his lips to Toby’s ear and whispered, “Thanks a lot buddy, I know where your loyalty lies, you are definitely all jarhead. What do ya say to a little bribery… maybe some of Mac’s favorite home cooked ‘dead animal’, what’cha think? Hmmm… will that bring you over to the navy side? You know, you just might like being a squid.” Harm got his answer in the form of one very wet, slobbery kiss to his cheek.

"Yeah, but I think I need to have a serious talk about privacy with this little guy," Mac answered quietly and rubbed Toby's other ear. The Golden Retriever enjoyed the attention he got and relaxed between Harm and Mac. With his head lying on the blanket he looked out at the sunshine glittering off of the creek water and enjoyed bathing in the sun’s rays. It really didn’t matter jarhead or squid because he had the mistress and the master right where he wanted them.

"Good idea. And I need to come up with some plans for renovating my apartment," Harm said merrily.

After a few minutes of silence between them, Harm detected the change in Mac's eyes. It was time and Harm was ready for it. At least he hoped he was.

"We have to talk, Harm," Mac said gently. When she looked deeply into his eyes, she saw he was ready for the conversation they were about to have. He had been waiting for her, giving her all the time she needed as she collected her thoughts and her strength. She was the one in control now. She was the one on top.

"Can you tell me about last night? I don't remember having any dreams."

"I'll try. You really scared me last night, Mac," Harm told her softly. “I’d like to know what has you so troubled and upset that it would cause you to have such horrible dreams.”

"What was it that scared you so much?"

"God Mac, where do I start?" Harm asked before hesitantly looked out at the creek and tried to muster his own thoughts. Mac could see in the depth of his eyes and by his body language just how much this had bothered him. She squeezed his hand and signaled for him to continue.

Harm turned his eyes back to hers. "Mac, you were screaming at the top of your lungs and you were thrashing around like you were fighting for your life. Sometimes you murmured something, but for the most part I couldn't understand what you were trying to say. What really terrified me though was that I couldn't wake you. I called your name over and over again and I shook you, but nothing seemed to work. When you finally calmed down it was like you had gotten through everything and it was simply over. It was as though you couldn’t be snapped out of it until you reached the end,” Harm told her looking deeply into her troubled eyes.

"You said that sometimes I murmured something. It sounds like you at least understood a few things. What were they?" Mac asked. She was curious and hoped to get a clearer picture with this tidbit of information.

"It wasn't a lot, Mac. They were the only words you spoke forcefully. I could understand the words 'weak', 'barren', 'whore', 'Harm' and.," Harm started to answer quietly before Mac joined in and helped him finish his sentence.

"...'Clayton Webb'."

Harm just nodded his head and looked worriedly at her.

Mac closed her eyes inhaling deeply. She knew it. It was the dream that had haunted her the most in the past few months. Often she would wake up covered in sweat in the middle of the dream and then there were some nights where she wouldn't wake up at all. Those nights she would go through the whole scenario without even remembering it afterwards. Those nights were the worst; she would wake up and not know she had a nightmare. She wouldn't even sweat during the nightmare; the only sign that something was wrong was the feeling of having had a restless night.

Clay had told her about it when she asked him one morning about the discoloration he had under his right eye that hadn’t been there the night before. He told her he had tried to wake her up and got the shiner in response. This particular memory always haunted her. She had lost control, inflicted bodily injury to someone and didn’t remember anything about it.

She opened her eyes and saw the concerned look in Harm's eyes.

"What was the dream about? Paraguay?" Harm asked gently. He could see the hurt look in her eyes and knew the answer already.

"Yes. Well no, at least not directly. The dream was about the night...," Mac took another deep breath, looked at Harm, and used the strength he was offering her to continue. "...The night I killed Sadik," Mac continued almost inaudibly.

Harm gave her a minute to calm her emotions and took the time to rearrange his position on the blanket. He now sat behind Mac with his legs alongside hers while she sat in between them and Toby lay on their left side. Harm pulled her back and put his arms around her while she leaned against his chest trying to absorb all the love he had to offer. They held hands, their fingers intertwined.

He wanted her to know that she could take all the time she needed because he wasn’t going anywhere. He would always be her wings, holding her up and supporting her. The wings she felt were essential for her survival and for her ability to feel free. All Harm wanted to do was envelope her in those wings and make her feel safe, secure and loved.

The only thing Harm knew about that fateful night in question was that Mac had to eliminate Sadik Fahd before he detonated a bomb in a nightclub. Unfortunately, the rest was pretty much classified information.

Harm placed his chin on her left shoulder and held her tightly. "Sarah, when you want to tell me about it, I'm here. However, please know I won't pressure you in any way. “I understand if you don’t feel comfortable enough to go through this again," Harm told her gently. He kissed her ear and held her even tighter. "I'm here and I won't go away. Your wings won't forsake you."

"I really do need my wings, Harm," Mac whispered.

"I know, and you have them," Harm gently told her kissing her cheek and squeezing her to emphasize that his wings would always surround her.

Mac knew Harm had no intel about the night she had killed Sadik. It was time to let him in and tell him exactly what happened that night. She inhaled deeply looking directly at the creek and was now ready to start.

Slowly she told him about her meeting with Sadik in the oriental lounge. How he had forced her with a gun to go with him to the apartment across from the nightclub. She reiterated Sadik’s aversion to women expressing independence and stepping out of their place, and she of course was at the top of his disgust list. He wanted to make her see how vulnerable she was because no man was there to protect her.

Mac sighed and took a deep breath, holding it momentarily before exhaling. Harm noted the deflated appearance of her body and knew it was best for her to rest before going on.

He knew she needed to get it all out, and unleash the burden she had been carrying around like a weight on her shoulders. He squeezed her hands and kissed her ear. "I'm proud of you, Sarah," Harm whispered.

When she continued to tell Harm about that dreadful night, her voice was even quieter. She told him about Sadik's verbal attack on her. How he said that she was only pretending to be a woman. That she had no man and no children in her life and she would be imprisoned in a barren life filled with fear. She even told Harm that according to Sadik she dressed and lived like a whore.

“Harm”, Mac continued. “When he looked at me with those cold piercing eyes, it was as though he could see right through to my soul. I felt like I was an open book and he was reading all the pages of my life. His words stung more than any physical wound ever could. He seemed to know about my disastrous childhood… about my low self esteem… my determination and struggle to make it in the Marine Corps because I was a woman… how I had to persevere to get my law degree… about how all the men in my life were using me and none of them ever truly loved me for me… and how I now face the possibility of never carrying and giving birth to a child.”

Mac closed her eyes for a second and then continued. “He wouldn’t stop his tirade. He knew how to push all the right buttons, baiting me and pushing me to react. But how…how could he know all the things that would rile me, or did he just think that all independent women were the same? I think he wanted to hurt me with his words more than he wanted to kill me. Why Harm?” Mac asked with tears in her eyes. “You know, sometimes when he looked at me, I swear that somewhere deep inside his distorted thinking, maybe just for a fraction of a second, he might have actually admired my courage to fight back and not cower at his feet like all other women.” Mac was now spent and needed to take a deep breath to try and regain her composure.

Harm really didn’t have an answer for her. He couldn’t even begin to try and fathom what went on in that evil man's twisted mind. Instead, he held her even tighter when he heard this part of the story. He could feel her shudder in his arms and her voice was only a whisper. He knew the part about her being 'barren' hurt her deeply and he hoped that she would find the fortitude not to dwell on it and move on. He didn’t want her to worry about it, at least not now.

Harm couldn’t help feeling that it was a good thing Sadik was dead because if he weren’t, he would have found him and killed him with his bare hands for what he had done to Mac. He had humiliated and degraded her and made her feel inferior. ‘No one can do that to my Sarah and live to tell about it,’ Harm thought. ‘She had overcome the painful disasters of her childhood to become the incredible woman and outstanding marine that she was and no one, NO ONE on this earth was going to undermine all she had achieved to attain the honorable life she had now made for herself.’ Of that he was certain.

Toby noticed that his mistress was upset and got up from his spot to lie down in Mac's lap. He gazed up at her with his big brown eyes. Mac in response leaned her face towards the puppy.

"Woof." Toby gave her a wet Eskimo kiss to make his statement complete.

Harm and Mac laughed and rubbed Toby's ears.

"I love you too, Mr. Toby," Mac told him softly before she continued to tell Harm everything.

Mac started to tell him about Sadik's plan to bomb the nightclub, and how he had planned it to show her how susceptible she was. Harm could sense that Mac was getting to the end of that fateful night.

"... I took my shoes off and started to unbutton my blouse so I could show him the microphone I had worn underneath. Once he was distracted enough and I got the chance, I kicked the gun he held at me out of his hand. Then we began our fight. When I got the upper hand I started to hit him and told him in no uncertain terms, 'I'm not weak, and I'm not barren, and I'm not a whore'. Every statement was punctuated by a hard slap to his face and it felt soooo good."

Mac smiled at the recollection before she got serious again. She turned around in Harm's arms so she could look in his eyes. What she saw in his eyes was a mixture of emotions. There was anger for what Sadik had done and sorrow for the hurt she felt that night. But most of all she could see how proud Harm was of her and all the love he harbored in his heart.

"The fight wasn't over until I had the chance to get the weapon I kicked out of his hand earlier. I grabbed it just as he pulled out another weapon he had hidden in his waistband.
I was quicker than he was and shot him in the shoulder before he could hit me. I told him the shot was for you. And then I aimed again saying ‘This is for Clayton Webb' and shot him in the center of his forehead. When the C.I.A came into the apartment I told Kershaw I was sorry for killing Sadik because he could have given us important information about the nuclear weapons. Kershaw said Sadik could have killed me first, but I'm not so sure about that. However, the moment I looked in the mirror I knew I wasn't sorry at all."

When Mac had finished telling Harm about that night, she looked forlornly into his eyes.

"I killed him, Harm. I killed him and never felt sorry about it," Mac told him pensively looking down at the ground feeling ashamed for having no remorse for her fatal actions.

*

May 31, 2004
Rock Creek Park
5200 Glover Road, NW
Washington, DC 20015
1:37 PM

“Mac, please look at me,” Harm pleaded, tilting her chin up with his index finger so that he could look into her eyes. “Kershaw was right you know. There is no reason to feel guilty, none at all. You realize that, don’t you?” Harm stated looking deeply into her poignant brown eyes, trying to gauge what was going on behind them. He prayed that she wouldn’t retreat inside of herself. He knew this wasn’t the time for more questions. Right now it was important for him to listen and be supportive.

“Yes, I do,” Mac quietly answered. “At least part of me does. There is still so much I have to figure out and when I do, then I will have to learn to cope with it. The reoccurrence of the dream last night only confirmed it.” Mac sighed despondently.

“We’ll do it together, Mac. I want to help you in any way possible, and I will be there every step of the way,” Harm told her with conviction taking her hands in his. “In my office you said you might know the reason why this dream keeps coming back. Do you want to tell me about it?” Harm probed gently.

“Yeah, I do. Yesterday morning, when I woke up and watched you sleep in my arms, I thought about my future... about our future. I want to be free of my past, so we can start our future without any ghosts. I will do whatever is necessary to resolve this ugly part of my past,” Mac said looking convincingly at Harm. “When I rode down to the farm to get us breakfast that last morning, I made a decision and I guess what I have decided to do brought this horrible nightmare back.”

“What kind of decision did you make?” Harm asked curiously.

“After you left for Washington I called Dr. McCool at Bethesda and made an appointment.”

“Dr. McCool?” Harm questioned, not recognizing the name.

“She’s my psychiatrist, Harm, or my shrink, whatever you want to call her,” Mac said with a grin before she got serious again. “I never should have dropped the therapy sessions in the first place. I mean, I thought I was strong enough to handle it on my own. However, it’s obvious that I am not even close to being there. Maybe I could have ignored the whole incident for a while and pretend that it had never happened, but sooner or later something would have triggered the memory and it would be back to haunt me all over again,” Mac said defensively before a look of horror came over her face.

“Oh my god, I didn’t hurt you last night, did I?” Mac asked frantically as she eyed Harm up and down. She remembered the shiner she had given Clay, and she hoped this time Harm hadn’t been on the receiving end of her swinging fists. There weren’t any visible injuries, but she still had her doubts and needed confirmation that she had not hurt him.

“No, of course not. Why would you think that you had hurt me?” Harm was puzzled by her question.

“You said I was thrashing around and I....” Mac took a deep breath. “Once I gave Clay a shiner under his right eye while I was dreaming. It was one of the dreams where I didn’t wake up at all. Without the shiner, I guess I wouldn’t have known about the dream. That was when I found out that I had been having the dreams repeatedly. Clay hadn’t told me about them. I guess in his own way, he was trying to protect me.”

“Was Clay able to tell you what the dreams were about?” Harm asked gently. He sensed Mac was uncomfortable talking with him about Clay and he wanted her to see that it didn’t bother him. Harm had come to terms with her relationship with Clay a long time ago and he hoped Webb was able to help her when she needed someone to be there for her, especially that night she had eliminated Sadik.

She told him that Clay had never discussed the dreams with her. He had tried to be there for her in his own way as best he could. She didn’t blame him for not being more supportive because she could never really open up and express her inner most feelings to Clay, but there again Clay had always kept his own barriers firmly in place. Even though she and Clay had been ‘involved,’ they never really had a ‘meaningful’ conversation or a relationship that would progress past the bedroom. Somewhere along the line, they both had come to realize and accept that fact.

She could have never let her guard down with Clay and told him what was in her heart and mind pertaining to that night. She was too ashamed. It was difficult enough for her to tell Harm, and she trusted Harm explicitly. She knew that he would listen to her and not be judge and jury. He wouldn’t undermine her thoughts or actions. She knew Harm would understand.

“It was the same. The dreams had the same theme. It’s time for me to face it head on and the best way to deal with this is through the sessions with Dr. McCool.”

“When do you have your next session?”

“My next session will be on Friday.”

“You mean this Friday?” Harm asked confused.

Mac nodded.

“Don’t you have an appointment with Dr. Purcell this Friday?” Harm was confused. “At the dining out, I thought you said you had an appointment with your internist this Friday to get the results of your test. Did I miss something?”

“No, you didn’t miss anything. My appointment with Dr. Purcell is Friday afternoon. I thought I should clear my head before going to the most important appointment of our future,” Mac explained steadfastly with a little smile.

“Our future,” Harm repeated the words with a big smile. “It has a beautiful sound, doesn’t it? I would like to go with you,” He continued gently looking longingly into her eyes.

“I would like you to go with me too,” Mac stated softly before leaning forward to kiss him tenderly. “And yes, it sounds very beautiful,” she continued after they broke the kiss.

“So when do I have to be there?”

“My appointment with Dr. McCool is at ten o’clock and Dr. Purcell and I have a ‘date’ around one thirty.”

“Okay. I’ll ask the Admiral today if I can take Friday off, then we can go together. Since I have court next week, I’ll have to work extra hours this week on the case. But that shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll be there, promise. We’ll get through it,” Harm said quietly, caressing Mac’s left cheek with the back of his hand.

“Together,” Mac answered and moved her head so she could kiss Harm’s hand.

“Always and forever,” Harm whispered, kissing her sweetly. “We can get through anything, Mac.”

“Anything,” Mac repeated and smiled at him through tearful eyes.

The first hurdle was always the hardest, and Mac had been triumphant in conquering it. She had been able to let her marine façade shatter and spoke from her heart as just Sarah. She resolutely explained the events of that disastrous night in great detail. She didn’t need to articulate the toll it took on her; it was obvious by her nightmares. Meanwhile, Harm listened unswervingly, allowing her to get it all out. It felt so good to finally free herself from the weight of the burden she had carried around so deep inside her. It would be easier to continue her therapy, now that she had started to confront her demons.

It had broken Harm’s heart to listen to her tell the events of that evening, and to see her struggling with the pain. He would have done anything to make it go away, but he couldn’t. All he could do was stand firm, be strong and simply be there for ‘his’ Sarah. He would stand by her stalwartly by wrapping her in his arms to give her strength, by kissing her soothingly to comfort her, and by giving her an infectious smile that would warm her heart and bring her serenity.

“That reminds me; before I have to go back to work there’s something I would like to ask you.”

“Okay, shoot,” Mac said anxiously adding, “no pun intended.”

Harm merely smiled at her sudden burst of exuberance.

“Would you like to be my date on Saturday?” Harm asked gently with a smile, getting a beautiful one from Mac in return.

“Are you asking me to be your date to Little AJ’s fifth birthday party?” Mac inquired, letting her forefinger run down his left cheek. “Because just this morning I had a message on my answering machine from our dear godson asking me if I could come to his ‘big party’, which happens to be this Saturday.”

They both felt the magnitude of the upcoming special occasion. It had all started five years prior as they stood on the steps of JAG headquarters the day Little AJ had been born. A promise was made on that day, and they would both give anything to have it come to fruition… that being the conception of a baby Rabb.

“Yes, I’m asking you to be my date to Little AJ’s birthday party. We’re going together, right?” Harm asked, slightly worried that he had possibly overstepped the boundaries of their budding relationship.

“Of course we are.” Mac smiled.

“Good, because I would like to show off my new girlfriend,” Harm said sheepishly raising his eyebrow and smirking.

“Does that mean we’re telling our friends about us?” Mac asked, hoping to hear the answer she craved for.

“Yes, I would like to, Sarah. I don’t want to be apart from you anymore. I want to feel free to kiss you wherever and whenever I want to. I want to be able to hold your hand and put my arms around you. I want the freedom to truly be with you in front of the whole world.” Harm told Mac, kissing her forehead. “What about you? Do you want us to tell our friends about our relationship? Or would you rather wait a little while longer?”

“There is nothing I would like to do more than tell them about us and I think AJ’s birthday party is a great place to do it.” Mac quietly answered.

“Then it’s a date,” Harm countered smiling.

“Our first date,” Mac corrected with a smile of her own. “So you better be on time when you pick me up. First impressions are always the most important to a girl,” Mac said smirking.

“You’re kidding, right?” Harm looked a little shocked. “I never planned on picking you up. I missed you like crazy from the moment I left the farm. I’m so happy you are home again and here with me. I never want to miss you again. I want to fall asleep with you right next to me every night, and I want to wake up every morning with you right there in my arms. So I don’t want to pick you up, I want you to already be there.”

When he looked at Mac she just smiled at him with tears in her eyes.

“You with me on this jarhead?” Harm asked, hoping he already knew the answer.

Mac nodded. “All the way, big time squid,” she said gleefully.

“Oh, you’re bad, Marine.” Harm laughed before he got serious again. “How would you like to go with me next weekend to the Shenandoah Valley?” Harm asked. “I thought we could surprise Mattie and spend the weekend with her and her dad? I have their tour plans, so I know where they are going to be then. What do ya’ think, Mac? Would you and Toby like to go with me?”

“Do you really have to ask? Of course we would like to go with you, Harm. I know how much you miss Mattie. She’ll be happy to see you. I’m sure we’ll have a great time and Toby will love it.” Mac paused and kissed Harm.

“Good,” Harm whispered. “Maybe we can ask Harriet and Bud if Little AJ can come with us as well. It could be a part of his birthday gift. What do you think?” Harm asked, hoping Mac would like the idea.

“It would be perfect. This way we can practice for our upcoming family life. Us, a teenager, a five year old boy and a little puppy. Sounds like the perfect weekend to me. I’m all for it,” Mac answered all excited about the plans. “I love you, Harm.”

“I love you too, Sarah,” Harm said before kissing her with all the love he felt for her.

“So the excursion is a part of Little AJ’s birthday gift. Any other ideas for a present?” Mac wondered.

“Hmm, haven’t thought about it yet. How about a present from the both of us? Do you have any thoughts?”

“Let’s see...,” Mac started when Harm interrupted her.

“Wait, I know. How about a Corvette? We are his godparents and we should spoil him after all,” Harm told Mac thrilled about his brilliant idea.

“A Corvette?” Mac asked with a raised eyebrow, thinking that he had truly lost his mind.

“Yeah, we could try to get one on Friday after our visit to Bethesda.”

“A Corvette?”

“Yeah, you know one of those cars that AJ can sit in and move around with his feet or they also have the kind that uses a battery.”

“Oh, you worried me there for a second, Flyboy. But yeah, I like it. Let’s do it. It’s the perfect idea and I’m all for it. However, maybe we should try to find one in the next few days. Friday could be too late.”

“Okay, why not tomorrow? I’ll pick you up when I’m finished for the day and then we can see if Toys ‘R’ Us has what we are searching for. If they have it, we’ll take it. If they don’t have one in stock we can order one and get it by the end of the week,” Harm suggested. “What do you think?”

“I think you are a wise man, Uncle Harm,” Mac answered with her beautiful smile.

“Why thank you, Auntie Mac. This coming from such an astute woman sure is a compliment,” Harm responded with the flyboy grin that Mac loved so much.

“Can’t wait to see what a wise man Daddy Harm will be,” Mac told him earnestly and kissed him tenderly.

Mac knew that when, not if, but when they had children, be it of their own blood or not, Harm would be the perfect dad to them. A dad every child would adore. When he had told her in Vermont he wanted to have children with her and that he didn’t care if they would be their own blood or not, she knew the potential for a perfect life was in front of her and she would do everything in her power to make their dream come true. Her phone call to Dr. McCool, and telling Harm about the night she confronted Sadik were the first two giant steps in her cleansing process. ‘It feels so good to be free,’ Mac thought with a smile.

In the distance they could hear the toll of the bells from a nearby church, which told them it was two o’clock. They knew it was time to end their picnic. Harm still had a lot of work to do and needed to be back at JAG.

“I guess it’s time,” Mac said sighing sadly. She enjoyed their picnic and it felt so good to finally let Harm all the way in.

“Yes, but we’ll talk more when I get home tonight. How about getting some dinner from the Chinese place near you and a movie? You can pick,” Harm proposed.

“Pick the movie or dinner?” Mac smirked.

“Hmmm… both.” Harm smiled and added, “This time!”

“Okay, sounds like a deal. Mine or yours?”

“Yours! Definitely yours! You have doors.” Harm chuckled looking at the sleeping Golden Retriever.

Mac’s future looked bright. She had her miracle in Harm. He never gave up on her and meant every word when he told her ‘he would always be there,’ because he WAS still there. She knew that with his love and devotion anything was possible.

One way or another, there would be a MacKenzie/Rabb clan. However, for now she had ‘the love of a good man and lots of comfortable shoes.’ She knew that one day they would beat the odds and all the rest would follow. Her dreams of a home and family would come true.

They both had what they always wanted, each other. No matter what lay ahead, good or bad, they would prosper or conquer together. All the barricades between them had been removed, and they felt free for the first time in years and this newly found feeling would be with them for all eternity.

THE END

Michi's JAG Heaven - H & M Fanfiction