Title: We Can Be Us

Author: SpecKay

E-mail: specialkay321@comcast.net

Website: http://www.michisjagheaven.com/

Rating: IM15 (T-M at Harm/Mac, Angst, Romance

Disclaimer: JAG and its characters are the property of Bellisario Productions, CBS, and Paramount.

Spoilers: Anything thru Season 9 is fair game. I would have been just as happy if season10 never existed, as I personally thought it was difficult to watch. I would have gotten our favorite couple together much sooner.

Summary: Can Harm and Mac overcome all their obstacles, toss their excessive baggage aside, have the most meaningful conversation of their lives and still make it work?

Beta read: Michi, who is my inspiration. Thank you, girl. Any mistakes left are definitely all mine.

A/N 1: After reading this, Michi said “oh…oh.” From which I gathered that I might be ruffling a few feathers here and getting my butt in a sling. So I thought a little explanation might be a good thing. Some of you may not like my presentation of H&M in the beginning of this story. It starts out a bit dark and 'angsty', but please don’t give up on me. Come along for the ride, and you will not be disappointed that I promise.

A/N 2: I, just like you, deal with real life every day. My form of escape is to read and write for enjoyment. So come away with me and escape for a little while. Good or bad…it’s my make believe…so let’s make believe together. Enjoy

 

*

 

He woke slowly, completely wrapped around her naked form and their legs intertwined. He smiled appreciatively, remembering moment-by-moment, movement by movement - exactly what had transpired. Her hair tickled his chin as he lay there, and he rubbed it against her, stretching languidly. He kissed the top of her head sweetly, inhaling her sweet scent. She hadn’t stirred so he gently untangled himself from her and extricated himself from the bed. He turned and gazed at her warmly, admiring her beauty one more time. Not wanting to wake her up so early, he quietly gathered his clothes that were strewn around her bedroom and living room then left to go home and get ready for work.

According to her inner clock she had not slept for long. She was euphoric and relished the feeling of being cocooned comfortably in a blanket of muscular bare skin, his warm arms wrapped tightly around her; she did not want to move a muscle. His soft snoring told her that he was asleep. The feel of his breath on her neck gave her goose bumps and she moved even closer to him, wanting to absorb every inch of him. She didn’t want it to end just yet, so she closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleep. When she woke several hours later it was still dark out, and he was gone. Not a word had been spoken and he had vanished without a trace of ever having been there except for his scent that was left behind on the pillow she was now clutching feverishly to her chest and her tears fell.

Eight Weeks Later

Neither Harm nor Mac was in a good place, and their conversations, when they actually spoke were brief. Either by divine intervention or cruel injustice, their cases had them passing like two ships in the night. When Harm was coming back from somewhere; Mac was leaving to go somewhere. They never seemed to be in the same place at the same time, and if they were - things between them were cordial at best. Their conversations centered strictly around their cases and JAG. Any time Harm would try to corner Mac into a personal conversation; he would get the stern look first and then the “not now Harm... please close the door on your way out.” Or it would be “I’m really too busy right now…it will have to wait.” If he happened to bump into her outside of her office, she would quicken her steps and mutter, “I’m already late to where I need to be.” He just couldn’t win.

It had been weeks, and she was still hurt, mad and at times totally irrational.

She was like a bull in a china shop, and everyone knew enough to keep their distance, everyone but Harm. He was determined and equally persistent.

Unfortunately Mac was just as adamant and standoffish.

Mac pulled into her parking spot and slammed the car into park. She was sick, had been for nearly two weeks. She was tired, hadn’t really slept much in just about as long. She reached her apartment just in time to run to the bathroom to dispose of the contents her stomach contained, which really wasn’t much. She hadn’t had much of an appetite lately. After dousing her face in cool water, she changed into her comfortable marine sweats and headed for the couch. She nearly tripped over her briefcase and cover as they were lying on the floor. She had forgotten that she had thrown them down in her haste to make it to the bathroom. She retrieved them and placed them on the chair then settled down on the couch curling her legs up under her. She sat there desolately starring at nothing in particular for exactly twenty-three minutes, sixteen seconds while contemplating the miserable reality that was her life. The tears flowed freely and she sobbed uncontrollably into her dimly lit apartment. If she were truly honest with herself, she would admit that she wasn’t upset with him. She was upset with herself for being so weak and loosing herself in the feeling of being wanted. She chastised herself for falling prey to someone who showed interest. Only this time it really cost her. How could she have let it happen? Oh…she knew exactly how.

She had alienated everyone because of her foul mood. Even the Admiral was hesitant when approaching her. She knew it was just a matter of time before he wanted to know “what in the hell is going on and what did the Commander do to piss you off this time?” She was snapping at everyone including the janitor. No one wanted to approach her unless it was absolutely necessary. Well…no one but Harm, and he would always get the blunt end of some tirade.

She sat there, thinking about how horrible she had been to him today. She had humiliated him in front of everyone. She was reaming him out as they left the courtroom for having attempted to pull a rabbit out of his hat in a manner of speaking while presenting their case - without her prior knowledge. His grand standing had not sat well with her for some reason today, even though he had done it many times in the past, and she would applaud his antics. Not being able to control her outburst, she continued the tongue lashing as they entered the crowded bullpen, getting the attention of everyone in the room. The damage had already been done before she realized that she was still carrying on. Harm had held up his hands in defense signaling enough already. Her response was to proceed to her office and slam the door so hard that the windows rattled.

She had sat at her file littered desk desolately looking out the window, totally distracted and unable to concentrate on her work. ‘This is ridiculous,’ she uttered into her empty office and picked up her cover and briefcase, told Tiner she was securing for the day because she wasn’t feeling well, and left to find sanctuary at her apartment. Here she could be alone with her thoughts… thoughts of that night…the night that changed everything.

 

*

 

Harm exited his office, at full speed, into the bullpen, and was about to take another stab at a conversation with Mac. Seeing her office in darkness, he asked Tiner where she was only to be told that she had gone home sick. He never heard the ‘thank goodness’ Tiner mumbled under his breath.

It had been a long miserable day and he was more than glad to be home. He entered the loft, throwing his cover and keys on the table and immediately made his way to the fridge for a beer. The light from the open refrigerator created eerie shadows around the dark room. At this rate, it would be the first of many more he would down tonight. He unbuttoned his blouse, pulling it out of his pants as he made his way to the couch. He threw himself onto it, putting his feet on the coffee table and rested his head against the cushions. He scrubbed his face with his hands so hard he nearly rubbed the skin off as he groaned loudly.

He was mad, and justifiably so. Mac had badgered him about the case they were working on. Then, when he attempted to score some points with the jury, she nearly bit his head off. He had liked it better when she was giving him the silent treatment. He just couldn’t win. But it wasn’t just today; she had been irritable and cranky for the past month. She would only talk to him when she had to, and avoided him the rest of the time. He had tried to talk to her many times only to have the door slammed in his face, literally.

How many times could he turn the other cheek, and continue to try. Well…no more. Today she went way too far. Yelling at him, belittling him in the bullpen in front of the entire JAG staff was the straw, and it definitely broke the camel’s back. He would not go back for more. NO. Now he was done.

That’s what his mind was saying, but his heart still carried the torch. She managed to crumble brick by brick, the well-constructed walls he had built around his heart. It had started a long, long time ago - so long he couldn’t remember when he fell in love with Sarah Mackenzie. Was it when she granted him permission to come aboard the chopper over Red Rock Mesa, or when he got her shot in the Appalachians? Maybe it was in Russia when she had to translate and inform him that his father was indeed dead. He knew for sure in Sydney but still couldn’t commit, and when he was ready in Paraguay…ring and all…well it just wasn’t meant to be.

Could he get through to her? She was completely unapproachable these days. Did he still want to? No matter what he did it was wrong. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. Heck, at this point, maybe he should just walk away, make a clean break, move on, transfer, and leave JAG. He could definitely find another gig. Then maybe she would be happy not having to see him everyday. He would not be a constant reminder of their waning relationship.

‘Relationship…what relationship?’ He mused. ‘Were they friends…barely. Heck, even their partnership had suffered dramatically over the past several weeks. So what exactly were they, and where did it leave them?’ He wondered.

He was slugging down his second beer, pondering over whether or not to break out the Jack Daniels, as he continued to sit in his dark apartment. He was pissed off, and confused enough to want to drown his feelings in booze, but he was rational enough to not want to deal with the whopping hangover it would create. His thoughts were still about Mac and why she was being so cruel.

That’s when what Tiner had said kicked in. She had gone home SICK. It was obvious she hadn’t been feeling well for at least a few weeks. He had noticed her several times making quick work of getting to the bathroom, looking a little green around the edges. She also had dark circles around her eyes from lack of sleep. She appeared to have lost weight so she obviously wasn’t eating well. No wonder she was irritable and cranky. She was over-worked and sleep deprived, and was battling some sort of nasty bug. When he tried to talk to her about the way she was feeling, she blew him off saying she was fine.

That was it…he had made up his mind. He was going over there, and he would make her see a doctor immediately even if it meant taking her to the ER. He quickly got up and grabbed his jacket. ‘Whoa…whoa…slow down Rabb. Just what makes you think that YOU are going to be able to make her do anything? You seem to forget that she is a Marine and perfectly capable of kicking your ass from here to kingdom come. She really does not like you right now. So, do you honestly think she is going to give you a hearty welcome when you get there? You will be lucky if she even lets you in,’ his conscience goaded. ‘She has to let me in. She will realize that I am doing it for her own good and accept it. At least I think that is what she will do.’ He mused.

Conscience be damned. It didn’t matter because he was going over to her place and he was going to try and talk some sense into her one way or the other. He would have her get checked out and then they would talk. Really talk. ‘It certainly sounds plausible to me. I’m well versed… but I’m talking about Sarah MacKenzie here and God knows I almost always end up with my foot in my mouth when it comes to her.’

He donned his jacket, grabbed his keys and headed out the door, locking it behind him. He ran down the stairs, choosing not to wait for the elevator. He got into his SUV and started it. His thoughts were still stampeding around in his mind. He put his hands on the steering wheel and leaned his head against them, letting out a long, desperate sigh. He stayed that way for a few minutes, attempting to clear his head. He finally realized that it didn’t matter what happened, he had to try and reach her because that’s what they always do.

“They have always been there for each other no matter what. That didn’t change, did it?” He said out loud, running his hands through his hair before settling them on the steering wheel again. ‘Well if we’re not still friends, and she already hates me, then I will have nothing to loose. So I might as well go for it. Worse scenario…I’ll get my butt kicked.’

The closer he got to Georgetown, the more his doubts and fears were kicking in. ‘Boy that shot of Jack Daniels sure would be good right about now,’ he thought.

 

*

 

She was still sitting on the couch wrapped snuggly in her red fleece blanket. The tears had subsided for the moment. Her head was laying on the armrest, and she was deep in thought. She was remembering that very special night… ‘The way he looked at her…seductively, the sight of his naked body…fantastic, the way he smelled…masculine, the way he touched her…eagerly, they way she touched him…lovingly, the way it felt when they came together…explosive, the way she felt when she feel asleep in his arms…perfect, and the way she felt when she woke only to find his side of the bed empty…cold.’

He had left without a word. And still no words about that night have been spoken. Their joining had been unplanned, but not unwanted. It was needy, but passionate. It was quick, yet fulfilling. She always thought that when and if the time came for them, it would be romantic. This had been more frenzied than romantic. Nonetheless, for her it was the most wonderful thing she had ever experienced. She thought the feelings had been mutual, but he couldn’t have because he just left. He never said a word.

Harm apprehensively parked his SUV in front of her apartment and looked up at her dark windows. He was just about to leave, thinking that she was asleep and probably shouldn’t bother her, when he saw the glow from the table lamp reflecting off her window.

‘Well, it’s now or never Rabb. Yeah…but it’s Mac in there. A kick ass Marine, capable of administering bodily harm. No pun intended.’ He shook his head at his own thoughts. His doubts were once again washing over him with every step he took. ‘Oh for heavens sake, so she’s a marine, big deal. Suck it up and get the lead out.’

He knocked hesitantly on her door. He knew she was there and he vowed now that he was here; he was going in even if he had to use his own key. “Mac, it’s me open up.” Not getting an answer, he continued. “I know you’re in there so either let me in or I let myself in.” He was about to put his key in to the lock, when the door slowly opened.

As he looked inside, he could see that the apartment was dimly lit because the only light on was the small one on her table beside the couch. A blanket was recklessly tossed over the couch. Other than that, the apartment was neat as a pin as usual. He could tell that she had been crying for a while, but thought better than to address it while he was still standing on the outside of her apartment door.

“Harm, what are you doing here?”

“I’m checking on you to make sure you’re okay. Tiner said you secured early because you were sick. I just wanted to see if you needed anything or if there was anything I could do for you.”

“Yeah…you can leave.”

Harm moved passed her and into the apartment before she had a chance to close the door in his face. “Mac, please. You haven’t been feeling well for weeks. No offense, but you really don’t look well. You have dark circles around your eyes. I haven’t seen you eat anything, and you are running to the bathroom all the time. You need to see a doctor.” He was not letting up. “You might have picked up some sort of bug while you were on the Watertown several weeks ago. I think maybe we should get you to the ER and get you checked out for...”

“Harm!”… No response. He was still ranting.

“HARM!”…she tried again, a bit more forcefully. Still nothing.

“DAMMIT HARM…IT’S NOT A BUG…IT’S MORNING SICKNESS!”

“You know, Mac, being on a sub…” His words fell off as what she said slowly registered, and he turned to look at her questioningly. “W…w…what?”

Now she had his full attention; her words hitting him hard. “I’m pregnant,” she was barely able to choke out.

 

 

*

 

“Pregnant,” Harm repeated.

Harm looked at her incredulously wide-eyed - his mouth having totally gone dry. He swallowed hard, putting his hand over his chest. “Mine?” Was all that croaked out.

Mac couldn’t believe he was actually posing such a question. Her stomach lurched, and her hand went immediately to her mouth and she was running full steam ahead to the bathroom. Harm quickly followed her still a bit dazed, but when he saw her kneeling on the floor retching in to the toilet, he instantly went into action. He wet a face cloth he found on the counter and put it on the back of her neck. Then he gently and patiently held her forehead until she was done.

The cool cloth felt good against her flushed skin, and for a minute, it felt good to have someone there to take care of her even if it was Harm. She hadn’t moved from her position on the bathroom floor nor had she lifted her head from out of the toilet.

“Mac, are you alright?” Harm whispered.

“Do I look alright?” She answered sharply. “Didn’t you just finish telling me how horrible I look?”

“Please, Mac, can we let go of the hostility and anger for just a little while here? We need to talk.”

“Well I guess there is at least one thing to say,” she responded from her place on the bathroom floor. “Yes…YOU. How could you even question it? You know, Harm, I often wondered what you really thought of me, knowing my past and all, and I think I am getting a much clearer picture,” she finished by swiping at the tears that were falling from her eyes.

Harm was completely floored by her statement. “Mac, hold on just a minute here,” Harm proceeded, staring intently down at her with his hands on his hips. I don’t know what’s going on in that thick marine head of yours, but I can tell you that you are so very wrong. Do you think you could cut me some slack here? It’s not everyday that someone tells me that I am going to be a father. I’m sorry if my reaction was not the one you expected, but you just shocked the hell out of me. And…just for the record, I never doubted being the father.”

Between his proximity and the confined space of the bathroom, Mac felt the walls closing in on her. In an attempt to make a quick exit, she stood up too quickly and was overcome by dizziness. She took a deep shaky breath and reached out for the counter. Harm saw her sway and immediately reached out to steady her, wrapping his arms around her. The minute his arms encircled her, she let down her barriers and cried. Cried for her, cried for him and cried for the tiny life growing inside of her.

Harm was upset and distraught, but seeing her loose control like this broke his heart. “It’s okay, Mac,” he said softly, putting his hand on the back of her head to hold her close against his chest. “Everything is going to be okay. We will get through this together. I promise,” he continued, sweetly kissing the top of her head.

“Oh no… you don’t,” she cried, pulling away and stalking back into the living room. “You are not going to play the hero.” She was not about to let him in just because she was carrying his child. She wanted more than that - especially from him.

She knew he had the ability to be kind, caring and considerate when he was just Harm, her best friend; but Harmon Rabb in expectant father mode, well… she knew he would have the inclination to be doting, suffocating and over-protective and she couldn’t let that happen.

Harm was a little surprised that she had pulled away from him, but he made sure to follow close behind her - making sure she was steady on her feet. He attempted once again to reach out for her, but she kept her distance.

“Mac, can we talk rationally now?”

“What is there to say really? You know it all now. What else is there?” She knew she was being curt and unfair, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. She was hurting and all she knew at that moment was that she wanted him to feel her pain, not realizing that he was already wallowing in his own pain.

“I think there is a lot to say, Mac. And I would like the opportunity to say it.”

“Why now?” She sighed shakily. Tears over-taking her yet again. “As I recall, you never said a…a …w…word the night this b…b…aby was conceived. You j…j…just left without a word. I w…woke up and you were gone like it was all a big mistake. Was I just another notch in the Rabb belt…another one of your conquests? ”

“ WHAT? Have you grown to hate me that much and do you hold me in such low regard that you could presume that I could ever think anything like that - especially when it comes to you? That really hurts, Mac.”

Mac stood there with her arms folded securely around her waist and felt bad for lashing out at him like that. In all honesty, she didn’t believe that of him, but she was trying to protect herself from any further pain. “Look…Harm, you’re right. I know we need to talk over the terms and conditions of all this, but…”

“Terms, conditions…is that all this is to you a bloody contract?” Harm sputtered, immediately cutting her off.

“No, of course that’s not all this is to me. But decisions will need to be made. If you had let me finish, I would have told you that now is not a good time. I’m tired and completely worn out. I don’t know what I’m saying anymore, and my damn hormones are all over the place,” she said with an exaggerated sigh, blowing the bangs off her forehead. “I really need to try and get some sleep and I need time to think. Please, Harm,” she pleaded.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump all over you like that. Look… I don’t know what you’re thinking or planning on doing - just promise me you won’t do anything crazy okay… Mac? ...okay.”

“Harm, I won’t do anything stupid…I promise. She replied while she unconsciously rested her hand protectively on her stomach.”

Harm knew the best thing was to let it go for now and go home. He simply had to trust that they would talk soon. “Goodnight, Mac.” He was almost out the door when a thought occurred to him. He turned to Mac who was still standing in the middle of the room, looking totally drained. “Do you still have vacation time available?” He asked.

Mac was taken back by the question. “What?”

“Well I was thinking that perhaps…well maybe…ah… you could take a week or so and go to…um… Bellville. The farm is a great place to rest and reflect. It always works for me.”

 

*

 

“You want me… to go stay with…your grandmother? Won’t she think it’s a bit odd especially where I have never met her before? I don’t think so, Harm. What I need right now is space.”

“Mac, there is plenty of space there and, she will love having you. You will come back feeling like a brand new person. I promise. I don’t know if it’s the country air or Grandma Sarah’s home cooking, but being there really works wonders. What do you think? Do you think you might like to do that?”

Mac cocked her head just a little feeling a bit exasperated. “Gee…I don’t know…Harm. I do have plenty of time available to take, but the Admiral might not be too happy to grant it right now.”

Harm raised his eyebrows as he responded. “Look, Mac, he knows you haven’t been feeling well, and your mood has not been the greatest so he might not really mind that much if he thinks you will be coming back good as new,” he added sheepishly. “I’ll talk to him in the morning.”

“Whoa…you’ll talk to him in the morning? Haaarrrrmmmmm, this is NOT going to work.”

“Okay…okay, I just figured I would need to ask for time as well so I would just ask for the both of us.”

“What do you mean you will need time as well?”

“Well, of course I will be going with you.”

Now Mac became defensive. “First of all, I didn’t say I was going. Second, I can talk to the Admiral myself. Third, I didn’t realize that if I do decide to go, it meant that we go.”

Harm was afraid that if he didn’t back peddle quickly enough, she wouldn’t even consider going at all. “Ah…what I meant was I would be driving you there - that’s all.” Harm looked at Mac earnestly. “Mac, I would really love for you to spend time at the farm. I honestly think it will do you a world of good. Let me drive you there, and once we’re there, if you still want me to leave…I will. I will come back here, and when you are ready to come back, I will come back to get you. What do you say? Does that sound like a deal?” He asked.

Mac took one look at Harm’s face, and try as she might; she knew she couldn’t refuse him anything. There were still an awful lot of things to work through, and maybe this would be exactly what she needed to gain a better perspective of what was going on. He was being very sincere in making the deal, even though she knew he would really love to stay in Bellville with her. “Okay, Harm, it’s a deal. But I will speak to the Admiral myself, tomorrow. Now can I please get some sleep?”

“Oh…yeah sure. Goodnight, Mac.”

“Goodnight, Harm.”

Harm left Mac’s, feeling a little more hope than he had just a little while ago. He descended the stairs and quickly grabbed the railing to steady himself. It just hit him full force…a myriad of emotions ran through his entire being. He was happy and sad…elated and scared... confident and apprehensive all at the same time. He was going to be a father.

Harm hadn’t slept much. The fact that he was going to be a father definitely kept him awake. He wanted to have a family some day and he knew he wanted it to be with Mac. That was why he had made the deal with her in the first place. ‘Huh…I guess that promise has been kept.’ He mused. It’s just that he thought it would happen a little differently, and right now, he had no idea what was going to happen next. He knew what he wanted to happen, but this was Mac and she wasn’t talking yet. He had to admit he was a little scared about what lay ahead for them.

He had been lying in bed, hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling remembering their deal. ‘He would have her looks and his brains or she would have his looks and her brains.’ Either way to him it never really mattered as long as it was theirs. Actually, a little girl who looked just like her mother was foremost in his mind. She would have him wrapped around his little finger.

He let his mind wander back to that night. He remembered the way she looked…beautiful. They way she smelled…of vanilla and lavender. The way she felt…so soft and silky. The way he felt when they came together was inexpressible…no words could ever describe that euphoria. Then there was that tattoo…’Oh God,’ don’t go there, Rabb,’ he thought as his lower body was definitely reacting to his explicit thoughts of Mac and that night.

It was still early, but he knew he’d never get back to sleep after those thoughts, so he got up and took a very cold shower before doing some last minute things. Still having time, he packed a small bag, hoping that she wouldn’t mind him staying at the farm with her. Then he left for the office. He stopped for coffee and muffins, making sure to get a decaf for Mac. He hoped to surprise her and maybe take the edge of, knowing how his Marine loved to eat.

Harm pulled in to his parking spot and noticed that Mac was already there as usual. He grabbed his briefcase along with the coffee and muffins and cautiously entered the building.

 

*

 

Upon entering the already bustling bullpen, he headed straight for Mac’s office only to find it empty. He put the coffee and muffins on her desk and headed for his own office. He put his briefcase and cover on the desk and turned just in time to see Mac leaving the Admirals office. She spotted Harm and gave him the thumbs up sign.

‘Good,’ he thought. She must have gotten the time off. Now it was his turn to enter the lion’s den. He knew it would be difficult, but Mac was worth the Admirals wrath and more. He knocked and heard the familiar “enter.”

“What is it Commander?” The admiral quipped quickly. Harm stood there, nervously looking down at his feet while he cautiously told the Admiral what was on his mind and then timidly asked for the time off. “You too!” The Admiral shouted. “What in the hell is going on around here? First the Colonel and now…YOU. Is there no work to be done around here? Do I not keep you busy enough? Is there something you want to tell me, Commander?” AJ barked suspiciously, yanking the glasses of his face and recklessly throwing them down on his desk. He stopped to gather his thoughts while running his hands over his already balding head, before placing his elbows in front of him on his massive mahogany desk.

“Yes Sir, no Sir, not yet…SIR,” Harm retorted uncomfortably to all of the Admirals questions.

“Very well, Commander. I’ll grant you leave to accompany the Colonel, but if something comes up and you’re needed here, you will be called…and you will return, understood?”

“Yes, Sir. Understood, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

Harm saluted and pulled an about face when the Admiral bellowed loudly.

“Let me just say one more thing, Rabb,” the Admiral spat sternly, as he rose from his chair and walked around his desk.

Harm immediately froze in his tracks and turned around slowly as the Admiral continued walking towards him until they were nose-to-nose before he continued his ranting. “If you do anything and I do mean anything to upset her or piss her off even more than she already is so help me God, I will pull Admiral’s privilege and personally nail your ass to the wall. Is that perfectly clear?”

“Perfectly, Sir.”

“Dismissed.”

“Aye aye, Sir,” Harm replied, making a quick exit before the Admiral had time to think it over and change his mind.

AJ returned to his desk and sat with a sigh, leaning his head back against his chair, rubbing his forehead. ‘Damn those two,’ he thought. ‘Will they ever get it right? If any two people belong together, it’s those two.’ He could only hope that one day they would realize it and do something about it, but not too soon. He was distressed over the possibility of having to let one or both of them go someday. They were the best at what they did, and two of the finest people he had ever had the privilege of serving with. He regarded them as he would his own children. ‘Hopefully they will wait until I retire,’ he sighed as his phone rang, breaking him out of his reverie.

Harm headed straight for Mac’s office to tell her the news.

Mac looked up just as Harm approached her doorway.

“Come in, Harm. Thanks for breakfast. It was very thoughtful of you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How did it go with the Admiral?” She asked.

“Well, he wasn’t too happy but he gave me the week…ah…that is if I need it, but I am on call and if I’m needed here, I will have to come back.”

“I see.” Was all she said and then added, “Well, I need to clear my desk if we are going to leave tomorrow. I have a few things to hand off to Sturgis so I better get busy.”

“Yeah, okay, Mac. I have to clear up some loose ends too, and talk to Bud. So I will catch up with you later. ”

“Okay.”

 

*

 

Mac’s inner alarm clock had been set and she was up just in case Harm made an early appearance. ‘What am I saying…that man will be late for his own funeral,’ she thought. She never had to worry about waking up because she never really slept. The confrontation she had with Harm had been running over and over in her head. It was quite a bombshell she had laid on him. ‘Had she come down too hard on him, or not hard enough?’ Her reverie was cut short by his knock on her door.

“It’s open, come on in.” Mac bellowed.

Harm opened the door and walked in. “You all ready? We can get started if you are and grab some breakfast on they way.”

“Yeah, I’m all set. We can go,” Mac responded cautiously.

“Well then let’s get going,” Harm responded jovially, quickly picking up the suitcase she had put by the door. He thought it best not to dawdle and give her the opportunity to change her mind.

Mac hesitated at the door, taking a long look around the apartment to make sure everything was in order before closing the door behind them. Somehow she knew that when she returned, things would be quite different. She just didn’t know how yet.

They had been driving for over an hour in silence, both deep in their own thoughts. Harm was tapping the steering wheel with his thumbs in rhythm to the music playing on the radio while Mac sat staring out the side window, her chin resting on her right hand while her left hand rested comfortably on her stomach.

Mac was the first to break the silence. “Does your grandmother know I’m coming? And I guess more important, does she know that I’m…pregnant?”

“Yes, I called her last night and told her we would be there today, and no, I did not tell her about the baby. I simply told her that you were in need of some good old-fashioned TLC. She said you were more than welcome to spend time on the farm and that she was really looking forward to meeting you.”

“Um…I see. I just hope I don’t disappoint her. And thank you, Harm, for not saying anything. I’m sure it was hard for you not to.”

Harm reached over to grab her hand. “Mac, Grams is going to love you. It’s hard not to, regardless of what you may think.” He hadn’t meant to say so much, but there was no taking it back now.

Mac accepted his hand, having been caught off guard. She wasn’t expecting to hear anything quite like that and so was rendered momentarily speechless. She continued to stare out the window only this time she did so with a small smile on her flushed face as she slowly let go of his hand.

They resorted to riding once again in silence until Mac’s stomach growled rather loudly. “You hungry, Marine?” Harm chuckled. “You could have said you wanted to stop, you know.”

Mac patted her stomach as if telling it to be quiet. “I guess I didn’t realize it was already lunch time. Leave it to my stomach to inform me of the time,” she chided.

“What happened…that inner clock of yours malfunctioning?” He chortled.

She glanced over at him, giving him a little glare and a hint of a smile. “I guess I’m just hungry and a little tired,” she replied sheepishly.

He was a little concerned, seeing as how her clock never gave out on her, although she once said that she had to think twice come daylight savings. She could tell him the time no matter what continent they were on and for whatever time zone he wanted it in. It was major if her clock stopped ticking. For now though, he decided not to dwell on it.

“Well, there is a pretty decent diner not too far from here. We can stop there and stretch our legs a bit and have lunch. Does that sound okay?”

“Okay…that will be fine.”

There were only a few people in the diner so they didn’t have to wait long. Mac made her way to the restroom after they ordered their meals to use the facility and to freshen up. She took a good look in the mirror and wondered ‘what on earth am I doing here. This is a mistake. I shouldn’t be here and I don’t know what possessed me to come.’ She splashed cold water on her face, and looked at her reflection in the mirror once again. ‘Don’t play stupid, Marine. You know why you came and he is sitting at a table out there.’ She shook her head to clear her thoughts and left to head back to the table and the lunch that was waiting for her. When they had finished their soup and sandwich they were back on the road for the remainder of the drive to Bellville.

The closer they got to their destination, the more pensive Mac became. Harm sensed her tension and once again reached out for her hand and clasped it in his. “Mac, please relax. It really is going to be okay. Trust me,” he assured her.

Mac held on to his hand for a few minutes longer than she had the last time, nodding her head but didn’t say a word.

 

*

 

Twenty minutes later, they turned off the rode onto a tree-lined path that led to an old but quaint yellow house with weathered clapboards, and white trim that needed a new coat of paint. There were several wicker chairs and a glider, padded with bright yellow and white quilted cushions that sat on the wrap around porch. Mac’s eyes lit up when she saw it, loving it immediately. Harm had caught her reaction and was pleased with his decision to bring her here. After all, this was the place he had always come to when something was wrong and he needed to figure things out. He knew it would work for her too.

Harm exited the car quickly and went around to the other side for Mac and found she had already opened the door and was slowly getting out of the car. She was still looking around, enjoying the view while deeply inhaling the crisp, country air.

Grams had heard the car pull into the path, and she was already on the porch, waiting to greet them by the time they exited the SUV. She opened her arms to her grandson. “Harmon, you made it,” she said and pulled him in to a tight embrace. She then turned to Mac. “And you must be Sarah. It certainly is wonderful to finally meet the woman my grandson has spoken so highly of, and who also has the ability to keep him in line from what he tells me,” she added smiling.

Harm turned bright red and looked down at his shoes, praying that his grandmother would stop there.

Mac gave Harm a questioning glance, wondering what that statement was all about, before replying. “It is really nice to meet you, Mrs. Rabb,” she replied extending her hand.

“Oh no you don’t…it’s Grams, please. And there is no handshaking here. I only accept hugs.” She quickly took Mac into her arms and squeezed gently. Mac returned the warm hug, smiling. She had just met this woman, but she knew she was about to become quite fond of her. Now she knew why Harm was so smitten with Grandma Sarah and why he had named his bi-plane after her. She was definitely one of a kind.

Harm just stood there, arms crossed over his chest as he took in the scene in front of him. His two Sarah’s getting to know each other. ‘Yes, he thought…this was definitely a good idea. This is exactly what Mac needs for her and for the baby.’ He was so buried in his thoughts that he never heard Grams calling to him.

“HAARRMMON!” She finally screeched after calling him for the third time.

Harm turned giving her a startled look. “Grams?”

“Where were you just now, dear? I called you three times. Now go grab the bags.”

“Sorry, Grams. I was just thinking.”

“Must have been some mighty deep thoughts,” Grams queried.

Harm just looked at her uncomfortably. ‘If you only knew Grams…if you only knew.’ He mused and proceeded to grab the bags as ordered.

Grams had ushered Mac into the house and over to the couch. Mac took in her surroundings and immediately felt cozy, warm and comfortable. Her eyes watered as she realized that this was what she never had, and it was all she ever wanted…a loving family.

The large over stuffed couch had matching chairs with a small flowered pattern that was well worn and had faded over time. There was an end table that housed a small lamp and a coffee table adorned with several knick-knacks. There was also a magnificent working fireplace with a beautiful scrolled wood mantle. The mantle was filled with what appeared to be pictures of Rabb’s at all ages. There was a rocking chair with an afghan thrown over the back, sitting on top of an oval braided rug in front of the fireplace.

They now sat chatting on the couch when Harm came in with their bags. The look that transpired between Harm and Mac did not go unnoticed by Grams. She knew something was going on between them. She hoped that it wasn’t anything serious and that they would figure it out, or she was definitely going to mettle.

“So tell me…,” Grams asked looking intensely at Mac. “How long will I have the pleasure of your company?”

Before Mac even had a chance to say a word, Harm spoke up. “Well, Grams, Mac has a weeks leave as do I, so she can stay all of that time…if she wants to.” He never took his eyes of Mac as he continued. “Me…well…I will be leaving in the morning.”

“What? Leaving in the morning….why, dear?” Grams blue eyes widened questioningly.

Without taking his eyes off her, he walked over to the couch and sat down beside her. He instinctively took a hold of her hand that had been resting on her knee and gave it a little squeeze for re-assurance. “The time here is about Mac,” he answered warily. “She is in need of the rest and relaxation and your fantastic home-cooking won’t hurt a bit.” He chuckled, before adding, “What’s best for her is good for me. After all that was the deal. When Mac is ready to head home, I will be back to pick her up,” Harm responded.

His sincerity and caring overwhelmed Mac, and her only response was to return the squeeze and slightly nod her head in understanding. Gram’s curiosity was about to get the best of her, but she reigned herself in, and let it go for the time being.

“I see, well…I guess you two are grown adults and certainly know what’s best,” Grams offered skeptically, turning back to Mac who had not taken her eyes of Harm. “I just want you to know, Sarah, that you are welcome to stay here as long as you like.”

Gram’s warmth and hospitality brought tears to Mac’s eyes. “Thank you so much, Grams. It is very kind of you especially since we only have just met.”

“Nonsense, dear,” Grams responded, patting Mac’s knee. “My grandson has told me enough that I feel as though I already know you and look forward to getting to know you better.” With that statement she left Mac sitting on the couch as she went into the kitchen to check on dinner.

Harm asked Mac if she would like to freshen up and maybe rest before dinner. Mac consented following him upstairs to the bedrooms. She was feeling a little tired after the long ride and a little nap might do her good.

As they walked down the hall, the first room they passed belonged to Grams. It was done up in yellows and blues and had a beautiful quilt draped over the bed. It looked so inviting. There was a large basked on the floor by the large armchair filled with colorful sewing and knitting notions that made Mac wonder what she might be making.

The room across the hall was Harm’s. It had been his room since he started coming out to the farm when he was just a baby running around in diapers. Mac looked inside and timidly wandered in, wanting to get a closer look into the life and times of the young Harmon Rabb, Jr.

 

*

 

She felt a little ill at ease being in the room, thinking that she might be invading his private space. But the feeling passed quickly as she began her thorough exploration of the room. She was surprised to see many of the things he must have cherished as a child were still there. First and foremost, there on the bureau was a picture of him when he was just a baby, sitting on Trish’s lap and Harm, Sr. standing behind them with his hands on her shoulders looking down on them lovingly. There was another photo of him and Grams at Halloween time. He was in a cowboy outfit right down to boots and a big hat that covered most of his little face, except for that infamous flyboy grin that was well in place even back then. He was holding a plastic orange pumpkin and looked very happy. Mac ran her hand gently over both photos and smiled. She secretly hoped that the child she was carrying would look just like his/her daddy.

The bedspread and curtains were blue much like the color of Harm’s eyes. There were several miniature model planes on a shelf including a yellow biplane just like ‘Sarah’. There were several articles, pictures and mementos from his Naval Academy days placed around the room as well.

She was standing meditatively in front of the window, looking out at the spectacular view when Harm walked in after putting her bag in the guest room. “Grams never changed anything in here,” Harm told her. “And I have to admit I’m really glad she hasn’t. Makes it easier to remember and to reflect on what it was like being here when I was growing up.”

The sound of his voice behind her startled her slightly. “Ah…I hope you don’t mind.” She gestured at being in the room with her hands, feeling a little embarrassed at getting caught. “I didn’t mean to intrude.” Mac whispered.

“No…no of course I don’t mind. I’ve always hoped that one day you would agree to come here with me, and see it for yourself,” Harm answered.

“You always wanted to bring me here?” Mac questioned.

“Yeah.” Harm nodded, with his arms crossed over is chest, looking at her intensely.

“It must have been wonderful to have a place like this to come to as a child. I really envy you,” Mac responded quietly, running her hand along the quilted bedspread. “You must have a ton of memories stored away here.”

“Yeah…I do, and I am looking forward to making new ones,” he whispered.

His heart broke thinking about the unpleasant childhood she had to endure. Though he had the heartbreak of loosing his father at an early age, he had to admit that his childhood was fulfilling compared to hers.

Mac had heard his heartfelt response, but didn’t say anything. She didn’t dare to hope that those memories might include her. It would be too painful to get her hopes up and then not have it come to fruition. She was content to know; however, that they would include the child growing inside her. She wanted the best for her child, and part of that was to grow up with a loving family, something that she did not have. She had sworn that when she had a child it would be born into a happy and loving home. There was no doubt that this child would be loved, but it probably wouldn’t be in a traditional family setting and that made her sad.

Mac walked across to what would be her room for the next week and it was lovely. The room was painted a very pale pink, which perfectly matched one of the many pinks in the flowered curtains and bedspread. The furniture was made of dark wood and was polished to a magnificent shine. There were frilly doilies on the nightstand, and on the bureau sat a beautiful mirrored tray with a brush and comb set adorned with mother of pearl handles. There was a shelf on the wall that housed several music boxes. One in particular caught her eye. It was a magnificent white and gold box ornamented with a two dancing figurines. Mac approached the shelf and gently retrieved the delicate item to take a better look at the wonderful antique. Curious as to what tune the box played, she opened it gently and was treated to the tune of the Anniversary Waltz. She smiled and closed her eyes as she held the box to her breast, listening to the timeless old tune while she twirled around the room.

Harm hearing the music from across the hall peeked into the room and caught Mac in her nostalgic state floating around the room. He stood there and watched briefly, not wanting to ruin the moment for her, and then made a quick retreat from the room going back to his.

Afraid at being caught with her hand in the candy jar so to speak, she quickly closed the lid, running her hand reverently over it, and returned the antique box to its place of honor on the shelf. Her hand went next to one of the two snow globes, one contained an ice skating scene and the other one was of children sledding. They appeared to be quite old as well. Mac shook the globe gently and watched the snow dance around it, reflectively admiring the scene before putting it back.

She then curled up on the bed, imagining what it would have been like for her to be here, in a place like this, as a little girl. She smiled thinking that even though her dream, at the time, was to be a ballerina one day, being here as a child…she probably would have loved to be outdoors, climbing trees and playing in the woods and chasing after all the animals while skinning and scraping her knees and arms. ‘Oh yeah,’ she thought. ‘I would have been a real tomboy.’

Mac thoughts then went back to her unborn child, thinking about whom he/she would look like and whose traits it would inherit. Would it have her perfect sense of timing or would it lean towards Harm’s uncanny ability to be late all the time. ‘Would this child be a naval aviator like daddy or a kick ass marine like mommy? Maybe even a lawyer like both of them, or maybe a doctor…engineer… architect… rock star…president?’ She smiled, thinking how silly she was being as she unconsciously rubbed her still flat tummy and fell into a peaceful sleep. Something she hadn’t been able to do for a very long time.

Harm checked on her again, and seeing her asleep covered her with the blanket and couldn’t resist placing a soft kiss on her forehead before going downstairs in search of Grams.

She was in the kitchen preparing dinner, which to Harm’s delight would be pot roast, carrots and potatoes with cornbread on the side. Though he opted for vegetarian fare in most cases, Gram’s pot roast was one dish he would never refuse.

“Is Sarah okay?” She asked him.

“Yeah…I just checked on her and she is sleeping.”

“May I ask what is going on with the two of you?”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Harm answered reluctantly.

“Okay, dear, for now I will let it go. You obviously have your reasons for not wanting to talk and I will respect that…for now,” she added pointing a wooden spoon at him.

Harm was grateful that she wasn’t persistent. He approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her, planting a kiss on the top of her gray head. “Thanks, Grams. I love you.”

“I love you too. Now get out of here so I can finish getting dinner ready.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he saluted playfully.

 

*

 

Mac woke up, feeling rested, but a bit disoriented. Sitting up, it only took a minute for her to get her bearings after looking around the pleasant room. She smiled happily and hugged herself, remembering that she was on the farm. The smell of something wonderful suddenly filled her nostrils and she realized that she was hungry.

She got up, rubbed the sleep from her eyes, fixed her hair and went downstairs in search of what was creating that scrumptious smell.

“Hey, did you have a nice nap?” Harm asked from his place on the living room sofa, where he was perched shuffling through the pages of a magazine.

“Yeah, thanks. I guess I really needed it.” She responded. “Ummm…what smells so good?” She asked wistfully.

“Grams is making her renowned pot roast with carrots and potatoes and corn bread.”

“Sounds absolutely wonderful,” Mac said, her mouth watering in anticipation. “I should go and see if she needs any help,” Mac threw over her shoulder as she walked off towards the kitchen.

“Well, dear, I hope you rested well?” Gram asked as Mac walked into the room.

“Yes…thank you for asking. I feel guilty that I left you with all the work while I slept. Is there anything I can help you with now?”

“Don’t be silly, Sarah. Please don’t feel guilty. I love cooking and I love it even more when people are here to enjoy eating what I have made. Everything has been taken care of,” Grams replied with a great big smile.

“Well I know I am going to love every bite of it. It smells so good!”

“Good I’m glad. Now, sit…sit,” Grams ordered, taking Mac by the elbow and marching her to a seat at the kitchen table. “Dinner should be ready in a few minutes.”

Mac sat down as ordered to a beautifully set table. The dinnerware was an old blue and white willow pattern that fit right in with the farm setting. There was even a vase with beautiful, fresh wild flowers in it. Mac had remembered seeing some of the same flowers out in the yard when they had driven up. She appreciated all the trouble Grams had gone to in order to make her feel welcome.

“Is dinner ready yet?” Harm asked, walking into the kitchen.

“Yes, Harmon. You timed your entrance perfectly. Sit.”

Dinner was wonderful and the conversation was enjoyable. Mac ate heartily to the delight of both Grams and Harm. Both were concerned that she had looked tired and listless when she had first arrived, but now after her nap and some good ‘ole home cooking,’ she looked much better and seemed to perk up a bit.

After they had eaten their fill, Mac and Grams were ordered out of the kitchen by Harm who insisted on cleaning up and doing the dishes. Mac offered to at least bring the dishes to the sink, but Harm would not hear of it and shooed them out, telling them he would make tea when he was done.

The two Sarah’s didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth and immediately retreated to the front porch to sit a while. It was a beautiful evening with the stars shining brightly in the clear night sky. Mac took the glider while Grams put on her sweater, gathered it close, and retreated to her comfortable chair. They were both content to just sit and relax and watch the stars for a while until Mac broke the silence.

“Grams, what has Harm told you about me?”

“Why do you ask, dear? Is something bothering you?”

Mac was looking down at her hands. “No, I was just curious about what you know about me and my past.”

“I will admit that Harm has talked openly to me about you, Sarah, but that is only because he cares very deeply for you,” Grams responded.

Mac kept her eyes downcast while she spoke. “Oh…I see.”

Grams replied immediately. “Do you see?”

Mac raised her head and looked at Grams questioningly without saying a word.

“From what my grandson has told me, you have accomplished much in your life, and pretty much all on your own, and of that you should be proud. Your past is just that, Sarah…your past. It is who and what you are now that matters and I see a fine young woman sitting here beside me.”

Mac looked at Harm’s grandmother and smiled warmly as a tear slipped from her eye. Now she understood why he loved her so much. She was an amazing woman. “Thank you,” Mac whispered in reply. Having Gram’s approval was extremely important to her, especially seeing as how she was carrying her grandson’s child.

They had returned to sitting quietly with their own thoughts when Harm appeared with a tray of hot tea and cookies, which they both readily accepted.

Grams decided to lighten the mood and seized the opportunity to tell stories about Harm coming to the farm as a young boy and all the mischief he could get into. Mac was a captive audience as Harm kept squirming and begging for Grams to stop. After a few more stories, Grams relented and said she was tired and ready for bed. However, she promised that there were plenty more stories where those had come from.

“We will talk more tomorrow, children.” Grams declared as she made her way back into the house. “It’s time for these old bones to get some rest, I’m afraid.”

“Goodnight, Grams.” Harm and Mac said in unison smiling.

“Goodnight and I will see you in the morning, God willing.” And with that she climbed the stairs headed for her room, but added teasingly over her shoulder, “play nice you two, and don’t stay up too late.”

Harm and Mac looked at each other, but neither spoke. Mac shifted her position on the swing and picked at an invisible string on her sweats. Harm stood up and paced around the porch, looking up at the stars. Neither one could find the right words, so they opted against saying anything. Their track record was evidence enough that they usually spoke first…thought about it later. This was one time that they were both determined to think before they spoke.

“Well…,” Mac ventured. “It’s getting late and this night air has made me tired. I think I am going to call it a night as well.” Their talk would have to wait for another time. They were not ready, and she really was tired.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Harm responded as they both headed into the house. “You go on up. I’m just going to make sure everything is secure down here for the night.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Harm.”

“Night, Mac. Sleep well.”

 

*

 

Morning came early for Harm. He had heard Grams, who was an early riser, go downstairs but decided to just stay put a while longer. He hadn’t slept well anticipating what would be taking place today. He promised Mac he would leave this morning if that was what she wanted, and he never made a promise he didn’t plan on keeping and she knew that. Wanting to delay the inevitable, he continued to lie there contemplating his next move.

Mac had opened the window before going to sleep and the cool night air seemed to lull her to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She woke early however, she too was thinking about Harm’s departure as promised. She had also heard Grams go downstairs and chose to linger a while longer under the sanctuary of the warm covers. She thought long and hard for exactly fifteen minutes and three seconds according to her calculations before making her decision. She quickly rose and padded out the door in her bare feet and walked the six steps to the room across the hall.

She knocked softly, just in case he was still sleeping. The door wasn’t completely closed so it opened further when she placed her hand on it. She poked her head in and saw he was awake. “You decent in here?”

“Decent enough. Come on in.” He moved over and patted the space he had vacated motioning for her to come sit. The blanket was covering him up to his waist, leaving his bare chest exposed. Mac hesitated for a split second, taking in the magnificent sight in front of her, and then walked to the bed and sat.

She looked down at her hands resting comfortably in her lap, not trusting herself to look directly at him and his half naked form. “Harm, umm…” She was trying to find something eloquent to say, but nothing was coming to her. ‘Why is this so difficult,' she wondered to herself. 'Maybe because it means so much.’ Was the reply her conscience gave her.

Meanwhile, Harm was anxiously waiting for her to say something…anything.

“Mac?” He reached out tentatively to put his hand over hers.

Mac jumped at the contact startling Harm. She had been so deep in her thoughts, that she forgot where she was. “Oh, Harm, I’m sorry.” She immediately relaxed and put her other hand over his. “I was just sitting here trying to think of what to say, but I’m not feeling very articulate at the moment so…I guess I will just have…”

“Maaaccccc…please you’re killing me here. Say it already.”

Mac looked into his handsome, tension filled face and smiled. “Please don’t go… stay with me,” was all she said. Was all she had to say for those were the only words needed. She reached over and ran her hands over the lines on his forehead, noting that there were a few more since the last time she had taken a good look. She pushed back a stray lock of hair that had fallen on to his face while he just stayed there perfectly still, watching her every movement while he enjoyed her soft touch.

He searched her eyes placing his hand on hers where it lay on his cheek. “Are you sure, Mac?”

“Yeah…I’m very sure. We need to talk and I can’t think of a better place to do that than right here because it feels right here.”

“I’m glad because I really didn’t want to go, but I would have if that is what you wanted. I hope you know that.”

“Harm, you have never broken a promise to me yet.”

“And…I never will. I promise.”

At that comment, they both laughed. They both recognized that the tension between them had been dispersed for the time being, but was it just the calm before the storm? That remained to be seen. For now it appeared they had come to a truce, and they both accepted that.

Harm smiled and became pensive. “Mac I need to say something here. It’s something I have had on my mind for a while now. Please hear me out.”

Mac shifted her body nervously at the tone in Harm’s voice. She didn’t have a clue what he was about to say, but it was obvious that it was important to him.

Harm realized that Mac had become a little wary, and moved closer to her putting his hand on her shoulder. “I’m not sorry you’re pregnant and that WE are going to have that baby we once talked. I am thrilled that I am going to be a father and even happier that you are it’s mother.” Harm then lowered his eyes to look at the blanket on the bed. “I am sorry, though, that it happened the way it did.”

Mac was a little taken aback at his last words and altered her position again, releasing his hand from her shoulder in the process. Harm sensed her confusion and was afraid that she would walk away so he reached out for her hand before he continued to explain.

“What I am trying to say here, Mac, is that I am sorry I never thought to ask if you were on any sort of birth control and if you weren’t I should have considered using a condom. I apologize for not being a gentleman in that regard. You deserve better than that Mac. Heck…you deserve everything. Their should have been candlelight and music and lots of romance.”

Mac took Harm’s hand and surrounded it with her own. “It might not have been the most romantic setting, but you were the perfect gentleman Harm. You always have been. If I wanted you to stop, I know all I would have had to say was NO and you would have stopped immediately. I have no doubt about that. We were both so caught up in the moment, and it just happened.” She then took Harm’s face between her palms. ”I know you would never intentionally do anything to hurt me. There had been no one for either of us since Renee and Mic. We had recently been given clean bills of health during our physicals, so we were never in any danger health wise. Besides sailor…we had a deal remember.” Mac concluded giving him a little, friendly kiss on the tip of his nose trying to lighten the mood.

Harm looked at her sheepishly. “Yeah, jarhead…I remember. I guess we really do have to work on our communication skills.”

They sat there for a few minutes just staring at one another before Harm broke the silence.

“What do you say we go down and get us some breakfast, Marine? Grams makes a mean vegetable and cheese omelet, and if she has some homemade bread, well...”

Mac jumped right in, her mouth already watering. “You’re on, flyboy. I’m starving.”

“Ha…tell me something I don’t know, Jarhead.”

On that note, she slapped him on the arm causing him to wince. “Hey, what was that for?” Harm yelped as he jumped out of bed and walked over to the dresser clad only in his blue plaid boxers to retrieve his shorts and t-shirt.

“That was for making jokes about my marine appetite,” Mac responded, totally enjoying the view of his sexy six from where she stood, and relishing in their playful banter.

They enjoyed breakfast with Grams in the sunny, bright kitchen. Harm was right the omelet was to die for.

“Grams that was absolutely the best omelet I have ever had. Now I know where Harm gets some of his culinary skills. She gave Harm a playful look pointed her finger at him and added, “Don’t get a swelled head flyboy because your meatless meatloaf is still disgusting.” At that all three of them laughed. “If I keep eating like this, I will have gained ten pounds by the time I leave here.”

“Good, I’m glad you enjoyed breakfast and ate with such gusto,” Grams responded. “Besides gaining weight wouldn’t hurt you any. You could use a little more meat on those bones of yours, I don’t mind saying. Hasn’t my grandson been feeding you?”

“Grraaammmms,” Harm yelped.

“Well, dear, you should know by now that I call them as I see them. Sarah, please don’t be offended, but you obviously realize by now…I speak my mind,” Grams concluded; her hands placed firmly on her rounded hips.

Mac was eyeing the scene playing out in front of her and enjoyed the company. “It’s okay Grams, really. I’m a big girl and can certainly take constructive criticism,” she retorted with a grin to let Grams know she was really okay.

Mac couldn’t help thinking, ‘if she only knew what I was going to look like six months from now.’

Harm was deep in thought as well, thinking the exact same thing Mac had been thinking. The look they shared between them was priceless. Harm with his raised eyebrows, and Mac chewing furiously on her bottom lip.

Gram’s was totally baffled watching them. ‘What is it with these two?’ She pondered. ‘Something is going on here, and I’m fixing to find out exactly what it is.’

“Okay, everyone, out...out...out with you. I have things to do so go make yourselves scarce. GO!!!!” She yelled as she swatted their sixes with the dish towel she was holding in her hand. “I don’t want to see you two until lunch time.”

“Ummm,” Mac sighed wondering what was on the menu for lunch. She immediately reeled her thoughts in. ‘Get a grip, Marine, or you are going to look like a beached whale long before your ninth month. Remember a minute on the lips and forever on the hips, and being pregnant and eating for two is no excuse.’

Harm just stood there shaking his head. “Come on, Mac, what do you say we go up and get dressed and then take a little walk around the old homestead.”

 

*

 

They walked around the perimeter of the expansive farm. Mac marveled at how much property the farm actually covered. It went on for miles in every direction. They stopped to rest by a little brook that bubbled its way down and into the valley behind the farm. Mac’s mood became melancholy, and she debated before asking the next question. “Will you tell me what it was like growing up here, Harm?” She asked reflectively.

“Sure, if you want me to,” Harm answered. “It’s simple really. I don’t remember much about what it was like here with dad because I was too young. It wasn’t until I was a little older that I knew this place would always be special for me, a place that I could always come to when I needed to regroup or unwind or just feel free. Gram’s has left me the farm and I hope to pass it down to my children one day. I hope they will love it here just as much as I do. I don’t know what it is, but coming here is like being reborn. Mom used to take me here all the time knowing how much I loved it. Sometimes she would leave me here with Grams for several weeks in the summer.

This used to be a working farm back in the day with lots of animals. I would ride the horses and brush their coats, feed the chickens and the rabbits and clean out their coops and even milk the cows. There was always a dog or two or three to play with, as Grams would take in all the strays.

Then, there was the tree house that dad built. I used to love to sit in there for hours just letting my imagination go wild. I could pretend to be anything I wanted. It was great. When I got older, I would come out and be more helpful to Grams. You know… fix things that needed fixing and painting anything that needed painting. I would repair the fence and shore up the barn. I’d check out Gram’s old truck. A place like this is always in need of some sort of repair. In fact it needs quite a few things now. I’ll have to figure out when I can get to it before it really falls apart.”

“How many girlfriends have you taken here?” Mac asked curiously.

“None,” Harm quickly replied.

Mac was totally surprised. “You never brought anyone here with you when you came?”

“No. There was never anyone I cared enough about to share this place with. It means too much to me. I could never share it with just anyone.”

“You brought me….” Mac’s voice trailed off to a soft emotional sigh.

“Yes, I did. I hope that tells you something, Mac.”

Tears immediately filled Mac’s eyes and threatened to fall. “Yeah…I guess it does.” She all but got out before the first tear fell.

Harm reached out and wiped the tear with his thumb and she responded by kissing the palm of his hand much like she had done on the Admiral’s porch the night of her engagement party several years ago. Only this time there was no fiancée waiting for her, and there was no girlfriend waiting for him. It was just the two of them.

This time when Harm gathered her close, she let him. “Talk to me, Mac.”

Mac nodded her head against his chest and tried to compose herself enough in order to have a meaningful conversation. Harm kept his arm around her and led her over to a large oak tree and motioned for her to sit with him. He sat first with his back resting against the huge, old tree and spread his legs open so that she could sit between them with her back against his chest. Harm did not want to crowd her so he kept his hands on his raised knees. They sat that way for a short time before Mac began to talk.

“I guess I should start by saying that I…I would never keep this baby from you. Please know that. I want him or her to grow up with a loving family, and I know in your family this child will have all that and more. I just hope I can be a good mother. God knows I have nothing to base motherhood on. You know my story. A mother, who didn’t care enough to stay or take me with her, just up and left me with my abusive, alcoholic father.”

“Mac, that doesn’t mean that you will be a bad mother. I think just the opposite because you know now what not to do. You are going to be a wonderful mother. I knew that from the minute AJ was born. I used to watch you when you looked at him, held him, cuddled with him and sang him to sleep. You were wonderful, Mac.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence. You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that.”

They continued to sit under the big old oak tree looking out at the beautiful green countryside. Mac had relaxed enough that Harm felt comfortable putting his arms around her now as she leaned further into him. He rested his chin on her head and she had encircled his arms with hers. They both knew that this quite possibly could be the most important conversation that they would ever have and neither one of them wanted to screw it up so they were taking their time and proceeding with caution. A slight rumble in the distance drew their attention. Looking up, they spotted the dark storm clouds rolling in.

“I think we ought to start heading back. Looks like we’re in for a storm. We can talk more later,” Harm offered.

“Okay,” Mac responded, getting up slowly. Secretly, she was glad for the impending storm. She was still not completely ready to get into it all, and appreciated the disruption. Once standing, something on the tree caught her eye, and she approached it for a closer look. What she saw was H.R. Jr. inscribed there. Mac gently ran her fingers over the carving. “When did you do this?” she asked.

“I think I was about ten. It was when I got my first pocketknife, and decided to try it out. You are the only one who has ever seen it.”

They stood there for a few minutes until a clap of thunder roused them. The sky was getting ominously darker as the impending storm continued to roll in quickly. Rain would soon be falling, so they made haste heading back to the safety of the house.

The rain started to fall lightly just as the house came into view from the clearing. Harm grabbed Mac’s hand and they ran a little faster towards the house, making it in just moments before it became an all out downpour.

Grams heard the door open and close and came out from the kitchen, wiping her wet hands on her apron. “I was getting worried about you two. Saw the storm clouds coming over and wondered if you would be stranded out there somewhere. You better go get into dry things before I have sick people on my hands. When you’re done, we can have a nice lunch. I hope homemade soup and chicken salad sandwiches are okay.”

“Sounds delicious,” Mac drooled.

Harm just laughed. “And they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I guess they never counted on you, Mac.”

“Ha, ha, Squid…very funny,” was her reply.

Harm and Mac then ascended the stairs and went to their respective rooms to dry off and change before lunch.

After enjoying a wonderful lunch, Grams went up to her room to take a little nap while Harm and Mac sat on the sofa with their feet up on the coffee table. It was still raining so they had to scrap any outside activities for now. The sound of the rain hitting the windows was lulling Mac to sleep, so she rested her head against the back of the sofa and dozed off. Once Harm realized she had fallen asleep, he got up and laid her down, picked her feet up stretching them out on the sofa and covered her with a blanket. Mac muttered something unintelligible and snuggled into the blanket. He decided that this might be a good time to check on the plugged up sink Grams had complained about.

 

*

 

After her nap and another great meal, Mac found herself sitting on the glider once again, as her second day on the farm was coming to an end. Physically, she was feeling much better. Her nausea and morning sickness had pretty much ended for which she was grateful. Now she found that she tired easily and really enjoyed the laid back, relaxed atmosphere that the farm had to offer. Grams had already gone up to bed leaving Mac and Harm once again alone on the porch.

Harm knew it was late and that Mac was probably tired, but he was anxious to get back to the conversation that they had started earlier before the rain had interrupted them.

He looked over at Mac who was using one foot to swing leisurely on the glider while the other one was curled under her. Her arms were folded against her chest, and her head was resting on the back, and she was looking up at the stars. “Penny for your thoughts,” Harm volunteered.

“Uummm…well, I was just thinking when I’m sitting here like this it’s so peaceful that I wish I never had to go back,” she answered contemplatively. “I guess I didn’t think places like this really existed. No cars, no people, no hassles. Just grass and trees and babbling brooks and wide open space. Have I thanked you for taking me here yet?”

Harm grinned widely. “You’re welcome. I knew you would love it here and that it would do you good. “You know, Mac, you can come here any time you want to. Grams already told you that. She loves having you here.”

“I hope she will continue to think that way after she finds out about the baby,” Mac couldn’t help saying.

“Mac, why do you think she or any one else for that matter will be judging you?”

“People have been judging me all my life, Harm.”

“I’ve never judged you…have I?”

“No, I can’t say that you have, but you have made a few jaded comments.”

“What comments?”

“Well…,” Mac sighed, blowing at the bangs on her forehead. “One that immediately comes to mind is the one you made to Sturgis as I was getting off the elevator the day before the Jagathon. Do you remember it?”

Harm clutched at his chest. “Ouch…yes I do remember it…vividly. I had nightmares because of it.”

“Do you still feel that way?” Mac asked.

“NO. I never felt that way. Honestly, Mac, that was one of the stupidest statements I ever made in my life, and I know I have made a few. I hurt you that day. I know that, and I hope over the years I have been able to make up for it. I never intended to hurt you.”

“Then why did you say it?”

“I don’t know, Mac.” Harm hung his head dejectedly, picking at the paint that was chipping of the porch railing. “Sturgis was goading me and I guess I was trying to get him off my back by making a point, and that is what came out of my stupid mouth. I know I said I was sorry back then, but will you accept my apology again?”

“Try me.”

Harm kept his head down and looked at her sheepishly with a furrowed brow. “I’m sorry for what I said and for hurting you, Mac.”

Mac had all she could do not to giggle because he looked so pathetic, but she refrained because she knew he was being totally serious and sincere. “Apology accepted.”

“Whew…thanks, Mac. That felt good. I didn’t realize I’d been carrying that around with me all this time.” It really had felt good to apologize again, and get that off his chest.

Mac continued to sit and swing only now she was looking down at her still flat stomach and protectively placed her arms around it. “I hope you will bring him here as often as possible to enjoy all the things that you enjoyed so much here.”

“I will definitely take her here and be only too happy to do it. She will love it.”

“She?” Mac asked.

“He?” Harm asked in unison.

“Yeah…,” he said shyly. “I’m picturing a little girl with dark brown hair, olive skin and big chocolate brown eyes just like her mother. She will be a knock out.”

“And I’m seeing a little boy with beautiful blue/green eyes and a flyboy grin just like his father. He will be a lady killer.”

Mac went back to looking down at her stomach and Harm continued to stare at her. When she felt his constant stare, she looked at him curiously. “I asked you once what you saw when you looked at me like that. Do you still see the same thing?”

Harm was quick to reply. “No.”

“No?” Mac responded nervously.

“I now see the mother of my child, and someone I desire more than anything else in this world.”

Mac and Harm locked eyes. Mac couldn’t help asking her next question. “Can you now let go?”

“Yes, for eternity. That is the answer I should have given you long ago on that ferry in Sydney.”

They smiled longingly at each other, and before Mac could get out another word, she let out a weary yawn.

“Well, Marine, I think it’s bedtime for you.”

“Yeah, I’m exhausted all of a sudden.”

“Come on…it’s to bed with you.” Harm extended his hand to help her off the glider, and she readily accepted his hand and held on to it as they entered the house, locked the door and climbed the stairs to their rooms.

“Thank you, Harm.”

“For what?”

“For not pushing our talk. For letting me take my time.”

“I won’t push you, Mac. I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

“Goodnight, Squid.”

“Goodnight, Jarhead.”

 

*

 

Harm hadn’t been asleep for long when he heard noises coming from across the hall. He quickly rose and crossed the hall peeking in Grams room to find her fast asleep. He then approached Mac’s door and found it partially opened. Upon looking in, he saw the blankets and her pillow on the floor, and her thrashing around and mumbling obviously in the throes of a nightmare.

“Mac…Mac…” Not getting a response, he sat on the bed and reached out for her carefully not wanting to totally startle here. “Mac, it’s okay. Wake up. You’re having a nightmare.” He shook her gently and she finally responded by opening her eyes.

“Harm?”

“It’s okay, I’m here,” he responded pulling her closer, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I was having an awful dream.”

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Someone was trying to take the baby away from me.” She sobbed.

“Ssshhh, don’t cry. No one is going to take the baby away from you.”

“Not even you…,” she blurted out.

“What? What makes you think that I would take the baby away from you?”

“Because of my p…past and w…what I was.”

“Oh Mac,” he sighed. “I would never take our baby away from you. It is going to need you and love you.”

“How can you be so sure?” Mac wanted to know.

“Because, Mac, you are its mother and the fact that you love him/her so much already is very obvious. So get those crazy thoughts out of your head. Do you hear me? I mean it, Mac?”

Mac nodded her head against his chest exhausted.

Harm laid her back down, picked up the pillow first and placed it back under her head, then reached for the blankets and tucked her in safe and sound. “Go back to sleep now, Mac.”

He hated what her parents had done to her at such an early age. She was consumed with self-doubt and a bag load of insecurities because of them. And when she was troubled or ill at ease she would often become weak and vulnerable because of what they had done to her.

As he got up to leave, she grabbed his wrist. “Will you stay with me?”

“Of course,” he stated and climbed under the covers next to her. She immediately wrapped her arms around him and put her head on his chest and fell peacefully asleep. Harm kissed the top of her head as he held her close.

Harm contemplated whether or not he should leave and go back to his own room once she was asleep. He attempted to extricate himself from under her, but when he shifted she mumbled something incoherently and hugged him tighter. He remembered having to leave the last time they shared a bed, and what had transpired because of it. He wouldn’t do that again, so he stayed put, closed his eyes and went to sleep. He hadn’t really wanted to leave anyway.

Mac woke first, feeling comfy and cozy wrapped in Harm’s arms. She was still more asleep than awake. Her head was still on his chest and her leg had instinctively wormed its way in between his, and she was unconsciously rubbing her knee up his inner thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wouldn’t mind her being, but now was not the time. “Uummm…,” Harm sighed, quickly reaching down for her leg, stilling it before it reached the target. “Easy there, Marine,” he whispered. “It’s o’dark thirty, go back to sleep.”

The next time Harm woke, it was to the sun rising in the sky, and to the birds chirping loudly as they started waking from their slumber. That was when he realized that his t-shirt was damp. Mac was crying silently, still draped over him.

“Mac?” He reached for her chin to make her look at him, but she resisted. He tried again being more forceful this time and she turned to look at him. He gently brushed the hair from her forehead. “Tell me what’s wrong. Are you sick? Can I get you something?”

Mac shook her head indicating that she did not need anything, and once again rested her head against his chest. “I’m scared, Harm.”

“Scared? Scared of what?”

“Of everything…being a failure as a mother, of losing you…your friendship.”

 

“First of all, you are not now, nor were you ever, and you never will be a failure at anything including being a mother. Look at all you have accomplished and all on your own. Secondly, you will never, ever, ever loose my friendship or me. We will always be friends no matter what.”

“That means a lot to me. You know Harm, as my best friend, you would have been the first person that I would have run to when I found out that I was pregnant, but I was so ashamed for letting it happen.”

“For letting what happen?”

Mac could tell that he was not going to like the turn the conversation was about to take, but it was time to get it all out. “For being weak and needy, and for letting things get out of hand and going too far.”

“Is that what you think it was? Something gone too far?”

“Harm, I’m not sorry that I am pregnant, and I am very glad that you will be the father of my baby. What I mean is…it just probably should not have happened.”

“So…,” Harm stated sitting up a little so that Mac was forced to sit up as well. “You regret what we did.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he got up when Mac didn’t respond.

“Yes…no…,” Mac cried, reaching out for Harm’s arm so that he wouldn’t walk away.

“Which is it, Mac?” He asked, hands on his hips.

Mac was chewing fitfully on her bottom lip. “I thought you regretted it so I forced myself into believing that I did to, but God help me, I don’t.” She ended in a full sob, burying her head in her hands.

“What made you think that I regretted it?”

“You left without saying a word…it…it was like you were never there.”

“Maaccc, is that what this has all been about. Why you haven’t wanted to talk to me? Why you were pushing me away? Why you couldn’t be civil to me? You thought I regretted making love to you?”

At his choice of words, Mac looked up at him from her place on the bed stunned and speechless.

Harm knew instantly why she had gone mute. “Yes, Mac I used the ‘L’ word. I said love. I left that morning because I needed to get back to my place and get ready for work. You were sleeping so peacefully and you looked so beautiful, I did not want to disturb you. So I gathered my things quietly and went home. I knew I would see you at work so I really didn’t think I needed to say anything right there and then. I’m so sorry if all this has been about my leaving you like that. Let me just say this…I did not regret it then, I do not regret it now nor will I ever regret making love to you that night. And it has nothing to do with the fact that we created a baby. I would still feel the same way if there was no baby.”

By now, Mac’s eyes were swollen and red from all the tears she was shedding. “Oh Harm.” She sighed. “I don’t know what to say. I treated you so badly, and said some terrible things to you. I am so ashamed. Can you ever forgive me?”

Harm took her hands in his. “Mac…it’s my fault too. I should have at least left you a note if I didn’t want to wake you. I was ecstatic after what we had shared, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I don’t think I would have known my own name if someone where to ask me. I guess this has been another in a long line of miscommunications between us. Do you think we can promise each other not to let this happen again?”

“I promise, Harm.”

“Me too,” he responded, sitting back down on the bed beside Mac.

Mac immediately put her arms around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

“Harm, I want to give this child all the things that I was denied.”

“I know, Mac, and I want to give it all the time I was unable to spend with my dad. We both have abandonment issues, Mac, but that is something this child will never have to worry about because he or she will have both of us.”

The minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew she would react to what he had said so he didn’t give her a chance. “Yes, Mac, whether you want to believe it or not…there is an US. There will always be an US. Hell, there was an us even when we were in relationships with other people. All of our significant others knew it too. Why do you think all of those relationships fell apart? They all saw what we never could.”

“Harm, that’s just it, we couldn’t make it work between us before I got pregnant, what makes you think that we will be able to work it out now?”

Harm got off the bed and knelt down in front of her taking her face in between his hands. “I love you, Mac. I always have and I always will. That is what makes me think it will work.”

Mac in turn put her hand on his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes. “I love you too Harm. I have for a very long time and I will forever.”

She leaned her forehead against his and closed her tear filled eyes. They stayed that way for a few minutes before they shared the sweetest kiss confirming their love.

Mac pulled Harm back up to sit beside her on the bed and their kissing escalated. Harm ran his tongue over her bottom lip asking for entrance to which she readily obliged, opening her mouth to his tongue. Their tongues dueled and their hands roamed. All the passion they had shared that night was back with a vengeance. He ran his hands up her arms, his thumb brushing the outside of her breast lightly and lingered there. She rubbed her hand over his chest and circled his nipple as she made a trail with her fingers down his body to his aroused manhood, squeezing gently.

“Oh, Sarah,” Harm sighed huskily, reaching down for her hand removing it quickly from his throbbing erection.

“Harm?” Mac questioned breathlessly.

“It’s not that I don’t want…to.” He panted into her hair. “I do, but if you continue to touch me like that right now…well let’s just say that it will be over way to soon. I don’t want to rush it Mac. I want it to be slow as well as passionate and if possible, last well into the night,” Harm whispered lovingly into her ear kissing it gently.

“Oh…I like the sound of that, Flyboy. You think you’re up for an all-nighter?” Mac purred seductively.

“Judging by the size of things, I’m definitely up…an all-nighter, well…someone my age can only hope, Mac...can only hope,” Harm chortled.

“You’re on, Sailor.”

They both inhaled deeply as they attempted to calm themselves somewhat. She slowly fell back on to the bed taking Harm with her; his body almost completely on top of hers. He didn’t want to crush her so he rolled over on to his side. Harm kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose, and her cheeks and finally reached her lips again. He kissed her passionately, yet with a tenderness Mac had never experienced before. She cupped his cheek warmly. “I love you so much Harm that sometimes it hurts.”

“I know Mac…me too.”

They kissed again and just held each other. Mac turned in Harms arms so that her back was against his chest. He wrapped his arms firmly around her, letting them rest on her still flat stomach rubbing it gently. He lay there imagining what she would look like when her belly was swollen with their child, while she lay their completely content at being able to absorb all the warmth, strength and love emanating from him.

“Mac…”

“Hmmm…”

“When did you get it?”

“Get what?” She mumbled.

“The tattoo.”

 

*

 

She had always hoped that he would see it one day, but now that he had she was a little embarrassed. “After you left JAG to go flying again. I was so upset and so lonely without you that I wanted to do something to remember you by, sort of like a tribute. So I got another tattoo.”

“Wings…?”

“Yeah,” she said in a sweet, soft sigh. “I know it’s what took you away from me, but it’s who you are.”

Harm was moved to tears. He pulled back a little so that he could lift her tank top and expose her lower back so that he could rub his fingers respectfully over the small gold wings permanently etched there. “They’re so beautiful, Mac. Thank you,” he murmured softly. His courtroom eloquence was nowhere to be found. Words escaped him. He was totally and utterly speechless. No one had ever done anything like that for him before.

“Now it’s your turn,” Mac responded.

“My turn?”

“Yeah…your turn.”

Harm was a little uncomfortable. He hadn’t realized that she had seen it.

She turned over and ran her hand up the inside of his left arm lifting it over his head so that she could place a soft kiss on the indelible etching he had on the very top inside of his arm. It was a very tiny red rose. “When did you get this?” She asked, gently caressing the mark with her thumb.

“Ah…ha…,” Harm stuttered, blushing slightly. “That is a…um… a crazy story…well sort of. “

“Tell me.”

“After I left you at JAG that last day, I was so unsure of my decision. In fact, I regretted having made it. I wanted nothing more than to stay there with you in my arms and never let you go, but the decision had been made and for better or worse, I would honor it.”

“You really didn’t want to go?”

“I don’t know, Mac.” He shrugged. “I didn’t want to leave you, but I did want to fly again to prove to myself that I still had it in me. You know, that I still could compete with all the new Top Guns out there. That I hadn’t lost it.”

Mac looked at him lovingly. “I understand, Harm. Really, I do.”

“Well anyway, we were docked in some god forsaken port and a bunch of us went ashore. I was missing you like crazy by then, and really tied one on. Walking, or I should say staggering, back to the dock I passed a tattoo parlor and staring at me in the window was a beautiful red rose. Looking at it made me feel like you were right there with me. I could almost see you, hear you, and feel your arms around me. I was totally enveloped by your aura. We were back in the rose garden all over again. So I went in and well, the rest is history as the saying goes.”

It was Mac’s turn to be speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. That’s just how it is.”

They were both moved by what they had done in honor of each other. What they were feeling went way beyond love. It was a union of hearts, a connection of souls, and a devotion that neither would have ever thought possible. They stayed just as they were, savoring the moment, for several more minutes.

Mac was the first to speak next. “Harm, as much as I would like to stay here like this with you all day, don’t you think we should tell Grams that she is going to be a great grandmother?”

“Yeah…I think we should,” he whispered into her ear. “But I reserve the right to come right back here later and finish what we chose not to start.”

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep,” Mac quipped.

“Not to worry…I definitely intend to keep this promise as well as every other one I’ve made or will make, Mac.”

Mac smiled at him lovingly, sharing a very passionate kiss. “Okay, I think she is downstairs already. Why don’t we go tell her?” Mac replied.

 

*

 

They walked into the kitchen where Grams was just putting the muffins into the oven. She sensed something different between them, but didn’t say anything.

Harm stood there with his arm around Mac’s waist. “Grams, Mac and I have something to share with you.”

Grams put down the pan she had been holding and looked up immediately, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Shall I sit down?” She asked.

“If you want to, but it really isn’t anything bad…quite the opposite actually,” Harm stuttered.

“Oh for heavens sake,” Mac yelled out. “Just tell her.”

“Okay, okay.” Harm laughed. “Gram’s in about seven months, you are going to be a great grandmother.”

Gram’s clasped her hands together and raised her eyes to the heavens. “Saints preserve us. I will get to see at least one more Rabb born before I meet my maker.”

“Nonsense, Grams, you will see a lot more Rabbs born before you go anywhere,” Harm countered.

Mac pinched him on his upper arm.

“Ouch…what was that for?”

“And who do you think will be having all these Rabb’s?”

“Oh…,” he said timidly. “I guess I wasn’t thinking about that part.”

“No, I guess you weren’t. One at a time, Sailor…one at a time.” To which they all laughed.

“Well…” She approached the couple standing in front of her and embraced them both warmly. “Congratulations. I knew something was up the minute you two walked into this house.”

“How so, Grams?” Mac wondered.

“There were plenty of signs really. For one thing, you let Harm dote on you. Making sure you rested, and that you ate properly, carried things for you. From the way my grandson had described you to me…you did not seem like the type to be catered to or waited on. He said you were a kick ass Marine.”

Both Harm and Mac laughed. “I guess there is a first time for everything,” Mac finally replied.

“Well, why don’t you two go sit on the porch for a bit while the muffins bake. The water is hot if you would like some tea.”

They poured themselves a cup of tea and retreated to the porch to wait for breakfast.

Harm stood there looking over his back to Mac. “I want this baby to be born a Rabb, Mac.”

Mac walked over to him, placing her hand on his back. “Harm…this baby is a Rabb. What exactly are you trying to say? Are you trying to make an honest woman out of me?”

“You ARE an honest woman, Mac.” Harm turned to her, taking both her hands in his. “I want to make a MacKenzie-Rabb out of you.” He continued looking into her chocolate brown eyes.

“Can’t do that Harm.” Before he could turn away, she tugged on his hands. She took his face into her hands and said, “I just want to be a Rabb.”

Harm smiled proudly and gathered her close.

“Have I thanked you?” Mac asked against his chest.

“For what?”

“For loving me, and making all my dreams come true.”

“Oh Mac. You don’t have to thank me. I should be thanking YOU for loving me.”

The both looked into each other’s eyes and smiled contentedly.

“What about our careers?” Mac queried.

“We will figure out something, Mac. Most likely, one of us might have to leave JAG unless the Admiral can work something out like he did for Bud and Harriet. Don’t worry Mac, it will all work out.”

Mac wrapped her arms around him and simply said, “Okay.” The only thing that mattered to her now was Harm and the baby that she was carrying. Everything else, including the Marine Corp was secondary.

After breakfast, Mac asked if they could take a walk back to where they had been the day before under the old oak tree. Harm had asked why and Mac assured him he would find out once they got there.

Once there, Mac asked for his pocket knife and approached the tree that held his initials. Mac took the knife and carved a plus sign below his initials and then added her own. Harm looked on lovingly.

“Maybe some day…our children will come here and leave their mark as well,” Mac explained.

“Children?” Harm questioned.

“Yeah…children.” Mac smiled at him.

“That would be a wonderful tradition.” Was all Harm could say.

Mac turned and gave him back his knife and then rubbed her fingers lovingly over their initials.

Harm reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black velvet jewelry box. When Mac turned away from the tree, he approached her, opened the box and handed it to her. “Marry me, Mac.”

Mac gasped, put her hand over her mouth and shakily took the box from Harm. She removed the ring from where it had been sitting, as the tears ran down her cheeks. “Harm, it is so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it. It looks old.” She raised her eyes to his, waiting for his answer.

“Yeah, it is.” He answered while wiping away her tears, and gathering her around the waist. “My grandfather gave it to Grams and then Grams gave it to dad to give to mom and my mom gave it to me to give to you.”

“Oh, Harm. I am so honored. I don’t know what to say.”

“Well, Mac. This is where you are supposed to say ‘Yes, Harm, I will marry you’.”

Mac laughed, throwing her arms around him. “Yes, Harm, I would love to marry you.” She looked admiringly at the ring she now wore proudly on her left hand. “Harm, if it’s all right with you, I would very much like to pass it on to our son one day to give it to the woman he loves just like your grandfather gave it to Grams and your dad gave it to your mom and you gave it to me. This ring has seen a lot of love and I would very much like to keep that tradition going.”

Harm once again had been rendered speechless at her heartfelt words.

Mac took Harm’s hands and placed them over her still flat stomach. “We love you, Harm.”

“I love both of you too, Mac, and we will be okay…you’ll see.”

“I already do see,” she replied, rubbing her thumbs gently over the back of his hands. “We can be us…all of us.”

 

*

 

Mac was sitting on the couch deep in thought. She was reminiscing back to that fateful evening when her heart had swelled with love and broke in pain all in one night. It was the night that created so many changes in her life. It was the night that led her to where she was right now.

She remembered how Harm had been able to spend the entire week at the farm, as the Admiral had never called to say he needed him, much to Mac’s delight. They spent their days walking and talking about many things new and old. There was some pain involved, but they stuck with it and they both felt good once they had relieved themselves of all the old haunts and hurts.

They would spend their nights with Grams, sitting on the porch holding hands and snuggling, telling stories, laughing and watching the stars. It was there, on the farm, that they began the new phase of their once tumultuous relationship. By the end of the week, Harm, Mac and baby Rabb were ready to start a fresh, new life together.

The week had been like a fairy tale. Mac was the princess to Harm’s prince. They both had been sorry when they had to pack up and leave the farm and Grams. Mac had cried. She had fallen in love with Grandma Sarah immediately and was sad to say goodbye. But, as she was reminded, she could come back whenever she wanted to. After all, she was now and would always be a valued member of the Rabb family.

Grandma Sarah had hugged her warmly and patted her still flat belly telling Mac to take good care of her great grandchild. She then grabbed Harm by his uniquely crooked ear, making him bend to her level then pointed her index finger of the other hand at him, telling him he better take good care of both of them or he would have to answer to her. They all laughed heartily at her threat before Harm and Mac headed back to DC and the real world.

The farm had given Mac a new lease on life with love, faith and hope thrown in for safe measure. She saw things differently now. Her priorities had changed. She had become part of a family…a real family. Something she never had but always craved. And having it with Harm, well…that was just icing on the cake.

They had phoned Trish and Frank to tell them the good news, and by the squeal that resounded over the phone, Mac knew they were happy. Trish couldn’t believe that she was finally going to be a grandmother. She never thought the day would come, and was ecstatic that Mac was about to be her daughter-in-law. She said she always knew that she was the one for her son, even if it took him forever to figure it out. Mac had laughed at those words recalling how everyone’s comments had run along the very same lines.

After talking it over at length with Harm, Mac decided to leave the Corps. She wanted to enjoy everything about motherhood including being pregnant. She had been hesitant to bring it up for fear it would put a financial burden on them. Harm had lovingly assured her that money wouldn’t be a problem as Frank had invested wisely for him over the years and he had never touched any of it. He was holding on to it for a rainy day.

Mac smiled remembering his expression when she looked at him questioningly at the rainy day remark. He had his deer in the headlights look as he graciously back peddled, donning his flyboy grin, saying that he was pleased to be able to use it on the sunshine of his life and their family. So it had been settled…Mac retired to focus on motherhood and making a home for her family.

They had also decided that when and if Harm got orders for re-assignment, he would opt to retire as well. Once they were settled in their home and had a family, he did not want to be moving them around the country or possibly around the world. He wanted to stay put and enjoy family life right where they were. After all, as he so eloquently stated…neither one of them was getting any younger. They were both resourceful and if they wanted when the time presented itself, they could go into private practice together in some sort of family and child advocacy law seeing it was something that they both felt so strongly about.

Their next hurdle had been where to live. They had been splitting their time between their two apartments until they could find exactly what they were looking for. Mac had insisted on waiting for the perfect house to surface. She didn’t want Harm to have to spend all his spare time working on a fixer upper. Though Harm didn’t mind hard work, he had agreed. He definitely preferred to spend his time with Mac. So he agreed, and they waited until the right house presented itself. Somehow with the help of Frank and Trish, it didn’t take long. It was a beautiful four bedroom, older cape that had recently been completely refurbished with room for expansion. It was simply perfect with a huge tree filled back yard, and it wasn’t far from Harriet and Bud.

Their wedding plans had overlapped the purchase of the house. So things became quite hectic and crazy for them. They hadn’t planned on having a traditional wedding, and at that point, all they really wanted to do was go away for a weekend and get married. When Trish heard of their plans, she vehemently objected saying that she would take care of everything and all they had to do was be there. So they had compromised. A small, intimate non-traditional wedding it would be…in their very own bloom filled backyard.

They were not always in perfect harmony, tempers had flared, and a few minor arguments ensued, but they were determined to not let miscommunication and doubt get in their way again. So disagreements were discussed openly and settled. They knew that with their history, they would continue to butt heads, so they agreed to disagree, but they made a pact early on to never go to sleep mad at each other.

Their wedding day had dawned sunny and warm. The simple ceremony had taken place under a magnificent rose covered archway with Judge Sebring presiding. Mac had been beautiful in a blush pink tea length dress with spaghetti straps and an empire waistline to accommodate her expanding tummy. She carried a bouquet of roses personally chosen by Harm who looked handsome in his dark gray suit, pink shirt that matched Mac’s dress perfectly and a black, pink and gray print tie. Harriet and Bud had stood up for them.

With a few close friends and family in attendance, they stood beneath the arch and tearfully recited the vows they each had written. Tissues and handkerchiefs were passed around as there wasn’t a dry eye once they had finished. They had enjoyed a catered reception with a variety of foods, selected by Trish, to please everyone’s palette.

They opted to go to the farm in place of a more formal honeymoon, as Grams had been under the weather recovering from pneumonia and unable to attend the wedding. They decided to spend their honeymoon visiting her. She had hemmed and hollered telling them that she was just fine and they didn’t need to alter their plans on her account, but they refused to listen and spend another wonderful week on the farm with Grandma Sarah. Though she would never admit it, Grams had been delighted to have them there.

Mac had spent a great deal of time with Grams during the months that followed. Each time Harm had to go away on a case, Mac would go and spend the time at the farm. Toward the end of her pregnancy when it was harder for her to travel, Grams would come and spend the time with her. Harm was a thoughtful, caring and over-protective husband and he would often infuriate her with his doting, but she loved him dearly for it.

Mac put her head back and closed her eyes as she remembered when she woke Harm from a deep sleep telling him that her water had broke. He had mumbled something incoherently into his pillow, kissed her sweetly and immediately went back to sleep. She had to call upon her boot camp Marine training to rouse him. At the hospital, he never left her side. He talked to her sweetly, wiped her sweaty forehead, helped her breath through each contraction and told her what a great job she was doing. He was wonderful even when she cussed and cursed him in true Marine form for doing this to her. Harm would smile lovingly and continue to wipe the sweat from her face and tell her how much he loved her.

She was still smiling at the thought when a soft whimper and persistent squirming broke her out of her reverie and back to the present. She looked down at the bundle of joy in her lap, as Harm reached out to rub his hand over the brown hair on his baby girl’s head. She opened her big chocolate brown eyes and looked at him. He started to coo at her and she babbled back. He ran his thumb over her tiny, pink cheek and she grabbed his finger and held on to it for dear life. His heart melted and his eyes were filled with love as he looked at baby Sarah Rose Rabb who had been named lovingly after Grams. He wondered how something so tiny could have such a strong hold on his heart already.

“Where were you just now? You seemed so deep in thought.” Harm asked Mac.

“I was right here silly where I always wanted to be. I was just thinking about that night a year ago and everything that followed to get us here.” She replied with a smile.

“I see.” Harm replied. “Any regrets?” He asked intently.

She shook her head, cupping his cheek. “Not a one. Flyboy.” She responded as she cuddled closer to him resting her head on his shoulder.

“Mac,” he whispered softly into her hair.

“Ummm,” she responded sleepily into his neck.

“Do you think we can make more of these?” He said motioning with his head to baby Sarah.

“Well, Sailor,” she replied coyly with a passionate look in her eyes, if we want to make it happen, I definitely think we should try every chance we get.”

“I like the sound of that.” Harm said waggling his eyebrows and kissing her sweetly.

“Thanks Mac. I love you.”

“Thank you Harm for making all my dreams come true. I love you too.”

They then took turns kissing their baby girl before they kissed each other tenderly, and together they watched baby Sarah sleep peacefully in her mother’s arms and looking forward to their future together.

The End